How do you control your temper?

Snow White

Snow White

jet set society
Mar 6, 2007
398
0
#1
Just wondering how all you girls keep your cool when you get mad. Specifically w/your SO? Mine is always telling me i get too worked up over nothing, or things i dont have control over. Which i totally know i do (:cursing: ) and its annoying to me but its hard to keep my cool sometimes! Ok, most of the time! I feel like Im a control freak and eveything has to be ME ME ME! I hate it! HELP!
 
#3
sometimes i just have to remind myself, i'm not queen ****..... like i'd TOTALLY love to think i am all the time!

who do we think we are? being so self righteous!

as you can see, i have internal dialog like a mofo... i too have a temper problem :yes:

it's definately one day at a time, and a lot of anylizing how you communicate with other people. just remember. calm talking, and adult conversation is a lot easier of a way to solve things.

what makes you angry? is there a trigger or two you need to pick up on, so when things happen that make you want to react irrationally, you can stop it?

you my friend, are a lot further in that battle than some people are. at least we can admit we have a problem right? this place is good practice at thinking before you speak! i know i've wanted to make a post or 2 that would make me sound like a pompus ass, or a big fat beyotch, but after i think of better ways to put it, it brings me further in life emotionally and mentally.

dealing with your problems, whatever they may be, in a calm, adult manner makes you feel like a bigger, better person!
 
#4
hottgrl said:
Just wondering how all you girls keep your cool when you get mad. Specifically w/your SO? Mine is always telling me i get too worked up over nothing, or things i dont have control over. Which i totally know i do (:cursing: ) and its annoying to me but its hard to keep my cool sometimes! Ok, most of the time! I feel like Im a control freak and eveything has to be ME ME ME! I hate it! HELP!
Click to expand...

Let me Guess..You are an Aries, Leo, Pisces or Sagittarius right? LOL Of course, I could be wrong....

I'm and Aries and I spot some similarities there....lol. Well, it used to be me when I was younger. I've mellowed a bit now that I am a little older. You just have to realize that some things aren't worth getting upset over. It's not worth your energy. You can't control everything---that's impossible. I've tried...LOL. For instance I used to be a super-cleaning--freak when it came to our house. I mean it was like a museum. Everything had to be perfect all the time..in it's place. I have two boys and one husband---that WAS NOT HAPPENING!...LOL. I've learned that a home--no matter how beautiful it is or how many wonderful material things it has in it--isn't and shouldn't be a museum and perfect all the time. Trust me, I let things go now. Still of course care about things and clean but not so much. I've also learned to delegate and let my husband and boys help around the house! They have always helped but I used to end up taking over because it wasn't done 'my way'....lol. Now I just let them do and I'm thankful.

Now, when it comes to business related issues...I'm still a PITA--especially when someone makes me upset of does something that is beyond my imagination!
I'm anal when it comes to business related matters...you just have to be or people will try to push you over! Be nice, yes, but bite back if you must!...LOL
 
#5
Usually I can't, which is why I end up screaming and yelling at him when we fight. Luckily he's the calm one that tries to settle things by talking about the problem. I'm the same way as you are with the control freak and "everything has to be about me" issue. Luckily he knew what he was getting into before we started going out and he's ok with it. I've also tried that counting to ten nonsense, and it doesn't work. One thing I do that sometimes works is to take myself out of the situation and take some time to cool down. I find that after I take a breather I'm a lot more calm and level-headed.
 
#6
Newgrlonthebloc said:
I've mellowed a bit now that I am a little older. You just have to realize that some things aren't worth getting upset over. It's not worth your energy. You can't control everything---that's impossible.
Click to expand...

I agree with this. You have to pick and choose your battles. Eventually, if everything is an issue and you both get upset over the small stuff, it starts to eat away at your relationship.

I could nit-pick at my relationship if I wanted, but when it comes down to it, the good outweighs the nit-picky "bad" small stuff. I think eventually realizing that you can't control everything, like Newgrl said, is the key :yes:
 
#7
wow, you guys that have responded have said some amazing things! thank u. beleive me, i know my issues and i try to control them and sometimes i can and other times..forget it! i can feel myself boiling inside over stupid :censor: and it comes out boiling too. 99% the time its nothing to even bother w/ but i realize that AFTER all the drama. my SO is so calm and understanding and God knows what he puts up w/and i love him to death. i just really need to chill so he can have what he gives me..the best!
 
#8
SO and I only have like 2 fights a year that involve hardcore screaming/yelling, and they are usually over something stupid but we both happen to be over the edge on that particular day. If SO gets annoyed about something, he walks away for a bit...

But if I get angry or mainly just frustrated/super annoyed, I fall back into a bad childhood habit: I throw things >_> Remotes, cell phones, hairspray, pliers (resulting with hole in wall), soda bottles, books, magazines, rolls of toilet paper, essentially anything that is in my way. I don't throw things at people, I just throw them at the floor or wall. Bad habit I know, but it only happens a couple times a year, when I'm having a really bad week. SO just laughs at me when I start up :shame: One of my favorite things about SO is that he makes me laugh so hard, so if I throw something in irritation he starts cracking jokes :rolleyes:
 
#11
hottgrl said:
wow, you guys that have responded have said some amazing things! thank u. beleive me, i know my issues and i try to control them and sometimes i can and other times..forget it! i can feel myself boiling inside over stupid :censor: and it comes out boiling too. 99% the time its nothing to even bother w/ but i realize that AFTER all the drama. my SO is so calm and understanding and God knows what he puts up w/and i love him to death. i just really need to chill so he can have what he gives me..the best!
Click to expand...


omg hottgrl i feel as if i was reading about myself and my SO ...he is so loving and patient how does he do that ? if i had to deal with myself i would have:lecture: :noggin: me and left long ago... but when the moment comes something inside of me triggers and i just cant control it ..im on a roll...and its usually stuff that doesnt matter at all ! and the worst part is only after i calm down i can see how stupid i was and then i apologise and i feel so bad and sorry... but the last time when that was about to happen and i was getting all worked up i just remembered the last situation that left me so embarassed and i bit my tongue , cut the sentence in the middle ...and it worked ! i truly didnt want to put another strain on the day ...i hope its not only a one time solution ! good luck with fighting your temper girl !
 
#12
LOL Shimmapuff, I swear, every one of your posts is fab!

I used to be a whole lot more hotheaded, especially with former boyfriends. I'm a Sag btw! But, oddly enough, I think that my career has calmed me down a lot. In college I was an RA, so I got to work with all sorts of people, some infuriating, others not. But I had to deal with them all calmly and thoughtfully and work very hard to empathize with their situations. I'm now a teaching assistant and most semesters I have a minimum of 80-90 students that I work with, again, some frustrating, some not! But I have to deal with them all professionally and kindly. I think I'm now used to dealing with people in general that way, not coldly, but with an inclination to be slow to anger. But once someone really pushes me above and beyond my high anger threshold, I can really let loose! Thankfully my bf and I have similar personalities, we've only had one of those nothing holds bar fights in our almost 1.5 years together!
 
#13
nataliam1976, maybe we are the same cuz my name is in your username!!! lol..anywho, yes, i am the same way too! i can ruin a perfect day over the lamest thing. BUT to me its the biggest thing that moment. my SO is heaven sent for dealing w/me. when he thinks im going to get mad over something & i dont he thanks me for not getting mad cuz he already expects it! it just happened right now! i was calm after getting help from all you and he thanked me! it felt really good to control my temper. and now that i look at the situation where id normally be ugly about, its so not worth it. poor guy didnt even do anything wrong (as before pre-help from tpf, it would have been this end of earth problem!) lol.. i guess we just really have to think and tell ourselves to calm down before we open our mouthes.
 
#14
Here is what happens when you get old. When you have the words on the tip of your tongue, you think about what will happen after you say them, how they will make the other person feel, and you involuntarily ask yourself, how will this improve the situation/get me what I want/make me feel better, and you see the whole aftermath before you, you feel the hurt feelings of the other person, you feel your guilt for hurting their feelings, and you feel the irreplaceable loss of a precious day, even a minute, spent with someone you love - lost, lost forever, and all because you let fly with some mouthful of crap.

So, you just stop doing it, and obtain the result you seek in another way, and by the time you get old, your bag of ways is really, really big...
 
#15
Well, as I've gotten older I don't let as many things bother me as I used to but I still have a temper, oh yeah. I'm not nearly the perfectionist that i used to be, and that in itself has saved me a ton of flare ups both at others and at myself. I take a deep breath and remember: "Excellence, not perfection." It's a tough one.

BF and I are an interesting combo: he's an Aries, I'm a Taurus. He's quick to fire up when we argue...intense, but just as quick to calm down. I, on the other hand, do a slow burn. I get REALLY mad and it can take hours or even days for me to cool off.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Top
Back