Need encouragement...LONG POST.

Luv Classics

Luv Classics

Life is good...
O.G.
Sep 22, 2006
2,136
437
#1
Hello everyone... here's my story:

I married my high school sweetheart and have been together 17 years and have two children. I can't even say if I was happy at least one year we were together. We were teen parents with different background and goals. We both came from broken families and thought we were doing the right thing by staying together. However, after many years of sticking by him through years of unemployment, alcoholism, substance abuse and even jail time due to the latter, I am just spent. We talked about the "D" word last year and decided on it; however, a year went by before you know it. He has been trying the last few months, but I recently discovered that he is still dependent on substance. I have lost complete trust in him many years ago; however, I continue to hope... I am through. My children deserve better, heck - I deserve better. I am afraid to go through the divorce process, I need some encouragement...

Thank you all...
 
#2
hey LUv Classics.

I can only imagine how difficult and scary the D process is. I wouldn't tell someone to just divorce because sometimes both parties need to work at things. HOWEVER, in your case it sounds like you tried to work things out and there are SEVERE issues like substance abuse and alcholism and he's still not put that behind him.

it may be hard but i think divorcing would be better for you and the children. and if you feel like what's right for you and your children then you should have more comfort in doing so.

Are you working and all though? i think financial issues are the most scary thing about divorcing but i assume you are working.

it's not going to be easy and in a way it's kind of like starting over again but like you said, you and your children deserve better and thats what you're working towards.

it's not easy but you can do it. =)

Post more or feel free to PM. :heart:
 
#3
I think you are making the wisest choice. If he is using, he should not be around children. It's so unsafe with all the people he must be surrounding himself with. And if you are not happy, I'm sure your children can feel it too. My DH's parents are going through some drama too, and his younger sister who is still in HS just keeps saying 'I'm so unhappy, I would rather they just get divorced so we can all move on.' You know what is the best choice for you and your family so just go with your gut instinct. Wish you the best and for your children as well. And I hope your husband makes it too.
 
#4
I think you gave so many reasons that it is hard not to encourage you - if you feel it is the right thing. I have only witnessed the process and it is not easy but if you think it will be good for you, it is the way to go. if you think there is no way up for your relationship and it will never get better - there is probably no point.

all the best for you - good luck and stay strong!
 
#6
I agree, the divorce might be difficult but it sounds like you already dealt with 'difficult' for many years. After it is over you will actually feel soooo much better and it sounds like you are still pretty young and will be able to start over if you feel like it.

I believe in being happy above everything else and if you are not then you should cut the source of your unhappiness, plus like handbag_luvr said I bet your children might be feeling unahappy as well and also sensing how unhappy you are.

I would say good luck, you have us here to support you through the process and look forward to starting and better healthier life.

:heart:

Jess
 
#7
U sound like u know what u want and what u need to do.Its not going to be easy ...BUT It sounds like you need to step forward and get on with yer life.For yourself and for your kids
Good luck...Ive been divorced..I know how it impacts you and the kids..However it sounds like a divorce may benefit u here.We are all here for ya!CHIN UP!I hope u find happiness and everything gets better soon!
 
#8
Hi, So sorry you have gone through all of this but sounds like you have tried everything to stay together.
Divorce is a hard road & only you know if it is the only option.
Good luck whatever you decide but you really need to find some peace from this situation either by leaving or by some method of getting this guy to catch himself on & try HARDER!
 
#9
I'm really sorry for all the pain you have lived with. As others have said, you know what the best thing to do is, but it's easier to stay stuck. It's bad, but it's familiar. change is uncomfortable and we can fear the unknown.

If nothing else gets you moving, think about your children. Is this the family you want for them? It's never too late to start doing things better--for your children and yourself. You're worth the effort.

(((hugs)))
 
#10
Divorce is never easy but after 17 years and with kids in the picture it is even harder...but you will be glad you did. It may even give him the kick in the pants to straighten up. Since substance abuse is involved you might consider going to al-anon, which helps family members deal with others abuse. Good luck to you and stay strong :smile:
 
#12
I am a child from such a family ...i have been begging my mother for years to leave him for her and my sake ( he was trying to strangle me once under influence ) ...she never did . I moved out on my 18th birthday and never came back to that house...my mum is a widow now and she seems to have forgotten all the bad he had done.. i love her but its very hard for me to forgive her that she never divorced, that she kept going leading such life herself and not giving me a chance to have a bit of normal happiness... not only for yourself, do it for your children as well ...dont let your life pass u by as my mum did ...good luck and a lot strength xxxxx
 
#13
Luv Classics said:
Hello everyone... here's my story:

I married my high school sweetheart and have been together 17 years and have two children. I can't even say if I was happy at least one year we were together. We were teen parents with different background and goals. We both came from broken families and thought we were doing the right thing by staying together. However, after many years of sticking by him through years of unemployment, alcoholism, substance abuse and even jail time due to the latter, I am just spent. We talked about the "D" word last year and decided on it; however, a year went by before you know it. He has been trying the last few months, but I recently discovered that he is still dependent on substance. I have lost complete trust in him many years ago; however, I continue to hope... I am through. My children deserve better, heck - I deserve better. I am afraid to go through the divorce process, I need some encouragement...

Thank you all...
Click to expand...

I think that one line that I marked says it all. You and your children deserve better.

And I agree with the poster who suggested al-anon. You and your children both need to learn healthier ways of relating or else your kids will end up married to addicts because it is what feels "normal" to them.
 
#15
That is really sad about your DH--he sounds like a lost soul. I think you know that it is time to move along, though. You have your kids to think of, too. It will be hard, but you know it's the right thing for you and them! Congrats on standing up for yourself.
 
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