Need Advice- sorry long post

addictedtopurses

addictedtopurses

Stars Hollow
O.G.
Feb 13, 2006
2,246
3
#1
For the past couple of years, I have been dreaming of getting a Birkin (preferably BJ 35). My dh laughed when I first told him, but then he said that I could get one when I return to work full-time in September of 2008 (am currently working only part-time so I can stay home with my son). The other day, we were in NYC for one of his races and I asked him if we could stop at H afterwards. He said we could, but then he said he thought I would have given up on wanting one of their bags by now. He also said that he was hoping I would lose interest by the time I go back to work full-time because it is crazy to actually spend that much on a bag. I got very upset because I realized he had been hoping all along that I would never actually follow through with getting a Birkin.

The thing is when I return to work full-time, we could definitely afford it (we could now too, but I don't want to push it). However, I will feel bad getting one if it really upsets him/bothers him. He told me he feels that the money should be saved for the future, but I pointed out that we already save a great deal of money for the future (we make large monthly contributions to our IRAs and our son's 529). Then he countered with the fact that the money could go to charity and I reminded him that we already give a great deal to charitable causes (at least 10-15% of our take home pay).

I hardly ever spend our money on myself- my few designer bags were mostly gifts/from gift money(he even admits this) and we live a very simple (low-cost) lifestyle that we both enjoy. To me, the Birkin would be my one luxury to enjoy, but I won't be able to enjoy it if he thinks it is crazy.

What can I say to make him understand? I appreciate any advice.
 
#2
The only thing I can think of is to speak to him re: the longevity of this bag in terms of style, endurance, and quality; personally, I'd also try and make him keep his promise. Divide up the cost over your lifetime to help him see why this is a good investment for your personally. You seem to be very prudent in your choices, and you may want to mention that...that you don't invest a lot of money on trendy bags that you get tired of and will go to waste, that you'd rather have one quality bag that will last you a lifetime, that you can always send in to be serviced, and it will come back looking great.
 
#3
Wow, I totally know how you feel. My DH bought me my first LV and I loved it so much that I wanted more and more. Now he makes me feel guilty everytime I buy one . Yes, we can afford it but deep down I know the money could be spent more wisely.

However, you only live once and if you can afford it and it makes you happy, I say do it. You will be working so why shouldn't you spend your money as you wish? I am sure your DH spends some on his own "toys" like cars and such (I know mine does). Plus, it is a good investment. If you ever need the money back, you can always sell it on ebay.

Sometimes women need to put themselves FIRST.
 
#4
I would sit him down and show him ebay and the cost of "used" bags than explain that even though the bag you want costs approx $7500 if a time came that you ever got tired of the bag, you could always sell it on ebay to get your money back. I know personally I have a handbag addiction and I've gone thru phases with bags, first Gucci, than LV than Chanel and now Hermes. I have financed my obsession by selling off the bags I no longer use to finance my next purchase. I too have had that "are you crazy" conversation when I've spent an obnoxious amount of cash on a bag but once I've explained the resale value it hasn't been an issue. At the end of the day, when you use the bag and resell it, your out of pocket for the depreciation is usually about the cost of a Coach bag and with Hermes since they are so hard to acquire sometimes you could actually sell it used for more than they cost in the boutique (if its a kelly or a birkin). Tell him, its just another investment.

Thats my two cents, I hope it helps.
 
#5
well mine is just the same ,he keeps asking why bring expensive leather when all the leather is same .
I think you should explain it to him( not that did any good to me ) otherwise i think you can put aside little money every month and get it for ur self
 
#6
Ouch - well does dh have hobbies and things he enjoys and spends money on?? I would try to have a serious talk with him when he's in the right mood and explain how much this would mean to you, etc. Can you sell other bags to help the fund? Perhaps you could find one slightly used/loved for a little less? Although with birkins that's a bit tougher than some of the other H bags...I hope it works out - sometimes they don't realize how important these bags are to us! You could show him this thread and maybe he would better understand -
 
#7
thanks for all the advice so far. I am just hoping I can get him to come around by the time that I return to work full-time.

As far as his hobbies, he doesn't really spend money on anything except his running. Although with shoes, gear, race fees, and travel expenses (when the races are further away), it comes to about $1500-$2000 a year.
 
#9
well since i'm not married i don't have a leg to stand on but that seems really crap of him, i have to say. to hope you would forget by then. you're raising a child and going back to work full time- of COURSE you deserve whatever bag you like. does he have any indulgences? if he did would you make HIM feel bad about it? of course not. i'm sorry but i'm mad for you- even if you're not. that's just wrong. and the whole thing with we should say for college and wait we do so we should give it to charity is bs. i'm sorry but i think it's terrible for him to say that. it's like saying "why be so selfish you should give to others instead". who says you can't do both? gosh i'm steamed now.
 
#10
hlfinn said:
well since i'm not married i don't have a leg to stand on but that seems really crap of him, i have to say. to hope you would forget by then. you're raising a child and going back to work full time- of COURSE you deserve whatever bag you like. does he have any indulgences? if he did would you make HIM feel bad about it? of course not. i'm sorry but i'm mad for you- even if you're not. that's just wrong. and the whole thing with we should say for college and wait we do so we should give it to charity is bs. i'm sorry but i think it's terrible for him to say that. it's like saying "why be so selfish you should give to others instead". who says you can't do both? gosh i'm steamed now.
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thanks, but don't get too steamed! He is a really good guy. He just can't fathom actually spending that much on one item. The thing is, I know he will tell me to do what I want when the time comes. My problem is more that I can't do it/enjoy it if I know that he thinks its crazy so I want to help him understand it. kwim.
 
#11
I think Rene has hit the nail on the head! The Birkin out of any other bag in the world is something that you can't go wrong with. Most other bags depreciate a great deal once you walk out the door of the boutique. Birkins are amazing for resale value. I know you are not buying with the thought of reselling but you could tell your hubby that if you ever needed the money, it would not be hard to recoup what you spent.
 
#12
Rockerchic said:
I think Rene has hit the nail on the head! The Birkin out of any other bag in the world is something that you can't go wrong with. Most other bags depreciate a great deal once you walk out the door of the boutique. Birkins are amazing for resale value. I know you are not buying with the thought of reselling but you could tell your hubby that if you ever needed the money, it would not be hard to recoup what you spent.
Click to expand...

I am hoping that this will help him to understand or at least to realize that the bag holds value.

btw, how have you been lately?
 
#13
ok, well i'll stop being mad then. honestly maybe you should involve him in the process of picking one and how theyre made. i think he might appreciate the craftsman ship and the leather etc.
 
#14
addictedtopurses said:
thanks, but don't get too steamed! He is a really good guy. He just can't fathom actually spending that much on one item. The thing is, I know he will tell me to do what I want when the time comes. My problem is more that I can't do it/enjoy it if I know that he thinks its crazy so I want to help him understand it. kwim.
Click to expand...


I have been married for 23 years. My hubby will never 'understand' my love for bags but what he does seem to understand is that they make me happy. It's my hobby. It's not just about bags... it's a passion that involves so much more. Perhaps making your hubby understand this passion of yours will enable him to enjoy in the fact that you are partaking in something that truly gives you joy.
 
#15
addictedtopurses said:
I am hoping that this will help him to understand or at least to realize that the bag holds value.

btw, how have you been lately?
Click to expand...

Great! Missed you on the H and Chanel boards though! glad to see you posting.
BTW, my DH also has a hard time understanding why I need several handbags and why the Birkin is so expensive. I used the tact above. Luckily he also has a passion for many different sports (tennis, motocross, etc) and the costs for those things really add up so I was able to point that out as well. Lastly I pointed out that I am very low maintenance in other areas ... but then he reminded me about my closet full of clothes, hundreds of shoes, dozens of sunglasses and I sort of lost out on the last point:shame:
 
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