My BF's parents are making our lives miserable!

Sabine

Sabine

O.G.
Apr 12, 2006
2,275
4
#1
My BF and i have ben together for 2 years and we know each other for more than 3. We're both 21 and enjoy each others company very much. I live with my parents and he lives with 2 other students about 20 miles away. He sleeps at my place about five days a week and he is totaly part of the family and my parents love him. We've been wanting to live together quite some time now but we waited because his parents didn't like the idea. We recently decided to live together because we are ready a we are together so much. When my BF went over his parents to bring the news they basically forbid him for all keinds of stupid reasons: we need to enjoy our freedom together :wtf: , i am going to do a fulltime traineeship next year.. so on so on. He was totally devistated because he'd hoped they'd be happy for us. I neverreally had a close relationship with they because we are not eachothers types but that was ok, is still was nice to them. He is keind of confused now because he doesn't want to hurt his parents so he avoids doing thing they don't agree with but they disagree with alot of things that i think are not their bussines. I feel so much anger toward them that i can't express because i feel it's his bussines and i don't want to talk to him about it because they are his parents. I feel like getting angry at them and i feel like i can't face them either but his father is turning 60 on the 19th, should is go? They don't ever want any help from me either, i study Pedagogiek and i don't think it's known worldwide but it's a keind of psychologie but ony focussing on raising children. It's so hard for me to see how they hurt their son and making mistakes. How do i get to live with my BF without making a mess? When his brother went to live with his GF they cut off al contact for three monts~! pffff thanks for letting me vent!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! What to do? :crybaby:
 
#2
Why do they disapprove? If you know their reasons it might be easier to understand. Perhaps they think you are too young or perhaps they have religious beliefs regarding this?
Either way you really only have two choices if they are adamant either to respect their wishes or to go against them
My personal opinion is that I would not like my children of that age living together. My son is 21 & his girlfriend just turned 21, neither would be ready to make that committment at the minute I am lucky that both of them realise this.
However, if they did make that decision I certainly would not cut off contact, I don't think that achieves anything only breeds hostility which I would never want with my family
 
#3
One of their reasons is that they think we are to young. I don't think they have the right to decide what their children do at this age. I also don't think it is a good reason because age doesn't really matter
 
#5
Well, they're fine with letting him live alone, but not fine with him living with you. I mean, he sleeps over with you the majority of the time, and you've been together for 2 years, so obviously there's no freedom involved. You guys are commited and spend the majority of your time together. So it seems either they have an issue with you, or they have an issue with him living with a girl. Maybe you should figure that out and address those concerns.
Also, I'm not sure if this is happening, but you said you're studying a form of pediatric psychology and mention them not letting you help them...as in you've tried to give them advice? I doubt very seriously that two parents are willing to listen to advice from a 21 year old who's simply studying psychology. That might be a problem too.
Finally, it seems like they're making your life miserable, not his. Clear this up. Perhaps he's fine with not moving out in order not to hurt his parents.
 
#6
Charles said:
Well, they're fine with letting him live alone, but not fine with him living with you. I mean, he sleeps over with you the majority of the time, and you've been together for 2 years, so obviously there's no freedom involved. You guys are commited and spend the majority of your time together. So it seems either they have an issue with you, or they have an issue with him living with a girl. Maybe you should figure that out and address those concerns.
Also, I'm not sure if this is happening, but you said you're studying a form of pediatric psychology and mention them not letting you help them...as in you've tried to give them advice? I doubt very seriously that two parents are willing to listen to advice from a 21 year old who's simply studying psychology. That might be a problem too.
Finally, it seems like they're making your life miserable, not his. Clear this up. Perhaps he's fine with not moving out in order not to hurt his parents.
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He is very upset about this aswell but it's my post so i didn't want to get him into it to much. I would never give them advice on my initiative LOL. I had an ansingment to do research about a problem and i asked them i coud research a certain problem they had, they said ok. Part of the assingment was to discuss the results with them and possible resolve the problem but they refused
 
#7
Sabine said:
He is very upset about this aswell but it's my post so i didn't want to get him into it to much. I would never give them advice on my initiative LOL. I had an ansingment to do research about a problem and i asked them i coud research a certain problem they had, they said ok. Part of the assingment was to discuss the results with them and possible resolve the problem but they refused
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Perhaps you should keep career & in laws seperate I agree with Charles that they would not want advice from a 21 years old & probably resent you not being family becoming so intimately involved in their problems
 
#8
I could see why his parents would disapprove. Why do you HAVE to live together right now? Would it be that difficult to keep the relationship the way it is now, especially when you will be going into a full time internship and not know how that will affect things? I agree with Charles - sounds like it's causing YOU grief, not necessarily your bf.
 
#11
I would say why would you want to make your BF's parents dislike you at all. Especially, if one day you plan on marrying him. It's not a bad thing if you don't live together. Plus, it's not like they're forbidding him to see you. ALso, you all spend the majority the time together anyway. I would say just let it go they'll come around eventually. It's better that y'all move in together when you have their blessing.
 
#12
This happed to a friend when we were younger. She moved in with her boyfriend (or I should say he moved in with her when he was living with his parents) She already had her own apt. Well his parents flipped, his mom called her a ho to her face and they literally stopped contact with their son for quite a few months. I think they felt like they were punishing him. I can say the relationship with the parents and girlfriend was never a perfect one but with in time it did improve. Fast track to now, they have been married for 20+ years and she is one of the family in every way and it all worked out. They were also 20-21 when they moved in together.
Sometimes I think parents will not be happy with a boyfriend/girlfriend no matter what and can give all sorts of excuses. Go with your heart and live your own lives. Too many parents try to blackmail their kids if they don't do what the parents want.
Be happy and know at least you have your parents there for you both.
Hugs.
 
#14
Sabine said:
Can somebody close this... i didn't want a discussion about moral standarts just some supports
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Now now...don't get all upset cause you didn't get the responses you wanted. You specifically asked for advice in your first post. Not everyone is gonna be all fluffy bunnies and support everything you say. We're trying to present different sides so perhaps you can see his parent's ideas on this and not just stick to your side of the fence.
Bottom line, talk to your man and ask him specifically why they have issues with you guys moving out together. Once you know that, you can address it.
 
#15
My fiancee's MOM, older sister and Sister in law are the ones that try to rain on our parade.

In particular, his mother is EXTREMELY upset that after we get married, we don't plan on having children.

We have been together for over 4 years and she still can't get over that! Ugh.
 
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