My 19 year old son is heart broken and it is killing me

Nishi621

Nishi621

O.G.
Apr 30, 2006
10,330
26
#1
My 19 year old son has been dating the same girl for 2 1/2 years now-she will be 19 at the end of the month.

yesterday, she broke up with him. She told him she needs to be alone for a while, needs time to figure out who she is apart from him, etc. etc. I am not sure if this has to do with her just starting college last month (my son is in his 2nd year already), or, if there is someone else or, if this is just the honest truth. I mean, 2 1/2 years is a very long time at this age and maybe she just wants to explore the world without him at this point. In his mind, this was the girl he would spend his life with.

Anyway, he is beyond broken-hearted. he cried almost all of yesterday and just laid in his bed the rest of the night watching TV. Her birthday was coming up soon and he had bought her a nice ring as a gift.

I know there is really nothing we can do for him besides just be there if he wants to talk or needs a hug. I just feel so bad for him-it is so hard to see him hurting like this. Any suggestions?
 
#3
Ooh nooo!!! Your poor son, Nishi. I hope that he is feeling a little bit better than yesterday. Just let him know that it will take time to get over her, but the hurt will go away eventually and that if they were really meant to be, that God will find a way for those two to be together.

I know the heartache that you feel when you break up with the love of our life...I experienced it once already, nearly twice and it hurts more than anything I've ever felt in this world.
 
#4
The first heartbreak is always though! I really don't think there is much you can do other than to distract him. Maybe take him to sporting event, concert or whatever he likes to do? Time heals all wounds. Once he gets out in the dating scene again he will be fine!

The girl was simply too young and frankly I think she was smart to breakup with him and explore the world now before she decides to really settle down. Maybe there is a way you could explain to your son that "it's not you, it's her" deal! LOL So Seinfeld!
 
#5
Oh Nishi, that really stinks! Your description of his reaction really brings me back to my first heartbreak. It hurts so much, and I felt like it was the end of the world. Of course, years and years later, I see that it really was better off. It hurts so much, but he will get though it. Definitely try to distract him. Maybe a trip to Yankee Stadium will cheer him up (or Shea if you're a Mets family!)
 
#6
Oh thats very sad, all you can do is be there for him and listen if he wants to talk. But having no contact with his ex will help speed up the process of getting over her. Well that helped me anyways when I finally broke up with my first bf (after 7 years). Goodluck. I know it is hard to see your son in much turmoil. If he is the philisophical type I would recommend the book "the prophet" from Kahil Gibran. It will give him a lot to think about. It helped me process a lot of what I was going through at the time.
 
#7
Just tell him that this is part of life. He will eventually get over it. I don't think you should get so involved. Parents do not always know what is truly going on in their kids relationships.
I had similar situation with my high school sweetheart. His mother was way too involved. Her son behaved like an angel in front of her but he was not one at all. Not a terrible guy but no angel. I broke up with him and she was still calling me asking me what happened. I always thought she was nice before but this was a little too much.
There is no guarantee that these kids will marry and be together forever when they are that young.
I moved on and so did he but his mother didn't for months. She was just bent on getting us back together.
Anyway...that was over 20 years ago....LOL
 
#8
Newgrlonthebloc said:
Just tell him that this is part of life. He will eventually get over it. I don't think you should get so involved. Parents do not always know what is truly going on in their kids relationships.
I had similar situation with my high school sweetheart. His mother was way too involved. Her son behaved like an angel in front of her but he was not one at all. Not a terrible guy but no angel. I broke up with him and she was still calling me asking me what happened. I always thought she was nice before but this was a little too much.
There is no guarantee that these kids will marry and be together forever when they are that young.
I moved on and so did he but his mother didn't for months. She was just bent on getting us back together.
Anyway...that was over 20 years ago....LOL
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Umm, I don't think I am way tooo involved-just sad that my son is so unhappy! I think I am having a natural reaction to seeing him crying and his heart broken. trust me-she will not be getting any phone calls from me.

And, no-my son is no angel, he has his faults like everyone else-but, I am positive he was not jekyll and hyde either.
 
#9
It is the WORST feeling to see your baby boy so sad and not be able to do anything to help:crybaby:

My son married his first *serious* girlfriend (started dating first year in college, got married less than 2 years after graduation) even though we all tried to tell them to wait because they were so young.

Kids go through so many changes at that age.
 
#11
Aww...I feel so bad for you son I know it' awful. There isn't much you can do, except be there for him and listen when he wants to talk. Give him advice and like some said distract him by going out and doing fun stuff together or encourage him in going out with his friends. He'll need alittle time to grieve for his loss. But don't let him dwell on it.
 
#12
Denise, so sorry to hear that. The best thing you can do is listen to him when he wants to talk and get his mind off things by "distracting activities" (going bowling, going out to eat, to comedy club).
 
#13
Nishi- the same thing happened to my son not too long ago and he's the same age as yours. She wanted "space" and they had dated over 2 years. I was there for him, like you are now, because our kids are like "our hearts with feet", as I like to say! He was sad, which is the natural process, but this break up did eventually allow him to meet a new girl, (who we just met and like), and they've been just starting to see each other a bit. He seems much happier now. The best thing I've learned to do is be there and listen when he wants to talk, but give him space to grow. I have also learned to know when to not talk, which is important. You sound like a great mom, and I know you already do these things. I understand your situation-we just want the best for our kids! :yes:
 
#14
I'm so sad for you and your son. It is so heart wrenching isn't it? My daughter went through the same thing and she couldn't stop crying. I didn't know what to say, what to do and like you, I was hurting for my 'child'..... but all we can do is love them through it, let them go through the pain and be there when they "come out the other side". Take one day at a time and your dear son will smile again soon. Hugs to you and your boy.
 
#15
This is a perfect time to let him know that most women are pure evil!! Ok, I'm kidding...maybe half ;)
I'm not sure how I'm gonna deal with my son when he gets his first real heartbreak. I mean, he's already been broken up with by a girl and he seemed to take it ok. After all, he's only 11.
It sucks not being able to fix everything..ya know?
 
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