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kallison

kallison

wake up.you're alive
Sep 3, 2006
8,722
6
#1
okay. so the deal is that i'm 21 and, over the summer, i moved back in with my parents. at the time, they were thrilled i was back home. i had walked out on my abusive ex and decided to finish up college (if i stayed with him, i would have quit). so, i'm back home in my old room and going to school now.

i have never HAD to work, but usually picked up some small part time job for extra money. however, after a year of flunking classes (due to multiple reasons- sickness, mainly), i decided to focus entirely on school this past semester, so i could pull up my gpa. and it worked- made the dean's list. so, this semester, i decided to do the same thing. and it's looking like not working is REALLY helping my grades- so i don't really intend to work until i graduate.

and originally, my parents didn't mind. but now they're REALLY bothered by me not working (my mom calls me lazy all the time...which is odd because she doesn't work either). neither of them have explicitly said i needed to get a job (finances are sort of difficult, due to some mounting medical bills- but nothing horrible, kwim?).

i figured they would want me home and concentrating on school...but it seems like they want me doing more than i can handle at the time. is it normal for parents to sort of flip on this sort of thing after a few months? i'm afraid to bring it up because i hate making them mad...so, for all you lovely parents, is there a way to bring this up without upsetting them (by saying i can't work right now)? or should i just not worry?
 
#2
Hey kallison, I bet your parents are mostly stressed about those bills and not about you not working. Talking to them would get the issues out in the open. And, frankly, as a college student, whatever job you might work wouldn't bring in a ton of extra cash anyway, a couple hundred bucks a month at most part time. I think your time is better spent studying (think about how much you're paying per credit hour vs how much you'd make working minimum wage...the better investment is doing well in your classes). I had a job as an RA in college but that paid well relative to the amount of work I did and it still allowed me to be a student. If you're living at home that won't be an option...but it's the only job I'd suggest for a full-time college student to pursue really. Try talking things out with your parents, I hope things get better soon!
 
#3
^^^Agree that an open discussion could be good--do you think you can do that with your parents? Emphasize how well you're doing with just the classes to concentrate on. Do you take classes in the summer, too, or is that a time that you could work a little? Some students can do classes and work at the same time and some don't do well at all. Going full-time, getting good grades will get you graduated faster and into a career and supporting yourself. That is the goal, after all.
 
#4
boxermom said:
Going full-time, getting good grades will get you graduated faster and into a career and supporting yourself. That is the goal, after all.
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AMEN to that! :biggrin:

Trust me, I am working and taking 12 master's credits and I really really wish I didn't have to work. I worry about my classes a lot and getting everything done! Tell your parents also that a job would be added stress.

Is there something you could just do for a few hours a week to get your parents off your back? Tutoring or babysitting or something. Or even volunteering to get you out of the house and get experience! Explain that any job you have isn't going to give you much money anyways, as vanojr9 said.
 
#5
Congratulations on getting back on track academically!:yahoo:
I agree with the above statement about getting involved in something for a few hours a week or so. Maybe your mom is just worried about you and thinks you might have extra time on your hands.

It's hard approaching parents sometimes, but try to tell them how you feel instead of having them assume things, which they can do very easily!
 
#6
every time i try talking to them, i get the "you're spoiled" bit from them. and, yes, that's true. (then again, who's fault is that?!)

and the BIG thing is this: they both want me to get my undergrad and work for awhile before working on my masters....

but i want to do peace corps. that's a 27 month commitment with very, very little pay.

and that is scaring me more than anything...having to tell them that i don't intend to work right away and pay off loans. if they're freaking out and gripign at me NOW, imagine what they'll say then...:s

(and, yes, i'll be in classes during the summer- gotta play catch up...)
 
#7
I think you just have to do what is best for you. I am a stay at home mom who also does schooling (I live with my parents and my DH and kids) and my mom gets FRUSTRATED when I buy myself expensive because she thinks that I should help her out instead of treating myself. My DH works and supports us (my mom NEVER buys us anything or pays our bills) but she somehow thinks that while I live under her roof everything should go to her. Just figure out what your priorities are and stick to them. But you definently have to talk it out with them and lay our your plan. Thank them for letting you move in but that you are looking out for your future. :biggrin:
 
#8
Well, I think if you want to join the Peace Corps that's great. But you should do it after your loans are paid off, if they cannot afford to pay them. I can see where their coming from in the sense that at 21 they want you to have some responsibliity for some things.

Maybe if you worked out a plan on paper and showed it to them then they would take you seriously and see that you do have a course you want to go down and just plainly ask them for their help in you getting there. Good luck!
 
#9
i mean, i can totally see their point of view. but i'm also the first of their kids to go to college- they never had to deal with this with my older brothers.

and i know my loans can be deferred until i'm back...but i know that would freak them out. i don't think they'd even care that i could earn masters credits while doing that.

i just feel like such a loser.
 
#12
kallison said:
i mean, i can totally see their point of view. but i'm also the first of their kids to go to college- they never had to deal with this with my older brothers.

and i know my loans can be deferred until i'm back...but i know that would freak them out. i don't think they'd even care that i could earn masters credits while doing that.

i just feel like such a loser.
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NO WAY!!!!! Do not feel like a loser!!!!! You have a plan. They just don't understand it. I'm telling you, put it down on paper. Your life plan as far as you have planned out and talk with them about it. Adults have life plans and ways that their going to get there. Show them that you do too. Maybe that will open up a good conversation with them about helping you to find the best way to do that.
 
#13
i have a plan. but that plan won't take effect until sprin of 2008. and that simply won't do for my parents. that's the problem. i'm thinking too far into the future for their liking.

i just can't find a way to make them understand this, you know? i want to do peace corps more than almost anything- and the times i've briefly mentioned it, they've laughed it off as something i could never do.
 
#14
I am going through the same thing with my mom right now. Last semester I was so stressed and so busy with work and school that my mom told me to quit my job. I did and now she's telling me that I should be working. It's hard to balance work and school and I'm just not a person that can do that. Some people can. I do however agree with maybe volunteering a few hours a week. I do that on Fridays just for 3 hours. It's a GREAT way to get out of the house. Hope things work out for you!
 
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