My mom is friend with a woman who has been trying to have a baby with her husband for like 15 years now. They're never once even considered adoption. Do you think that's a little selfish? I think so, but my mom disagrees. 
Selfish?
- Thread starter purselova34
- Start date
I wouldn't call that selfish - I would call them really determined. They just really want their own child.
Well there is several ways to look at it.
Anytime someone wants a kid it could be seen as selfish. The kid doesn't ask to be born; a person has a kid cuz THEY want one.
To keep trying for their own kid for 15 years!! shows determination and the fact they aren't comfortable with adoption.
I was surprised when I learned how many people are "against" adoption for themselves. I always looked it as a wonderful thing to do and a viable option for my DH and I regardless if we can or can't have our own child, BUT there are valid reasons why people aren't comfortable with adoption including how difficult and expensive the process can be. Also you don't know how the fetus was treated when it was developing. A lot of 3rd world countries hide the fact a kid is sick in order to get them adopted. Its a big financial and emotional burden to have a child with major medical problems.
Anytime someone wants a kid it could be seen as selfish. The kid doesn't ask to be born; a person has a kid cuz THEY want one.
To keep trying for their own kid for 15 years!! shows determination and the fact they aren't comfortable with adoption.
I was surprised when I learned how many people are "against" adoption for themselves. I always looked it as a wonderful thing to do and a viable option for my DH and I regardless if we can or can't have our own child, BUT there are valid reasons why people aren't comfortable with adoption including how difficult and expensive the process can be. Also you don't know how the fetus was treated when it was developing. A lot of 3rd world countries hide the fact a kid is sick in order to get them adopted. Its a big financial and emotional burden to have a child with major medical problems.
Nah, not selfish. Would you consider someone who doesn't want to have kids selfish? No. All of these decisions are extremely personal and vary in reasoning.
If anything, I think that adopting just to make yourself feel like a better person is selfish. Having a kid (either through adoption or not) is not about making yourself feel better. It is not about "showing" others what a better person you are. Adopting is not about being kind or selfless or doing volunteer-type-of work, I think that's the wrong way to look at it.
If anything, I think that adopting just to make yourself feel like a better person is selfish. Having a kid (either through adoption or not) is not about making yourself feel better. It is not about "showing" others what a better person you are. Adopting is not about being kind or selfless or doing volunteer-type-of work, I think that's the wrong way to look at it.
I don't think it's selfish. To each it's own. I can understand someone wanting their own flesh and blood. However I think that once you adopt, that person is just like something that came out of your womb.
Everyone is different and I wouldn't want to judge. Struggles with infertility (I've had personal experience) are terribly hard on a couple and they need to make their own choices. No one outside that family knows what they are going thru or what factors into their decisions.
My husband and I have been trying to have a baby for 27 months now, we've been through more than a year of treatments including IVF and we can't find out what's wrong with us. To want to have our own kids and not consider adoption is not selfish at all. Everybody does it, why can't we? Just because I am struggling doesn't mean I have to adopt. Couples with kids of their own and the means to adopt don't - are they selfish?
If your mom's friend is not considering adoption for whatever reasons, that's their choice, and they should not be judged. I admire their determination and conviction, and love for their babies, and I pray that they will get pregnant soon.
If your mom's friend is not considering adoption for whatever reasons, that's their choice, and they should not be judged. I admire their determination and conviction, and love for their babies, and I pray that they will get pregnant soon.
Adoption is so subjective and not for everyone. It took me over 3 years to get pregnant and many procedures and treatments. I considered adoption but my husband wasn't ready to stop trying. I respected his decision and we got lucky to have our twins.
As someone who is desperately trying to have a baby....I have been unsuccesful for a year now....I dont think its selfish at all.....
I love my husband...and I want to have his babies...
I know how hard you have been trying, and I so want you to have your husband's babies, as well!! And just to let you know...my MIL tried for 4 years to get pregnant with my DH, and NOTHING!!! And then one day....it jsut happened!! Same for my SIL...she had given up...literally called all the family members, and said that she was done trying...and was just going to have to accept that she wasn't going to have kids...and two weeks later, she found out she was pregnant!! Both my MIL and SIL went on to have their second child without any trouble or wait. So hang in there.....
I don't think it's selfish of them. For whatever reason, they have chosen not to adopt at this time.
Selfish would be if they felt they had no other choice but to adopt, all the while knowing they wouldn't be able to love the kid as if it were their own, but adopting anyway to try to fulfill that void in their life. That would be selfish.
Selfish would be if they felt they had no other choice but to adopt, all the while knowing they wouldn't be able to love the kid as if it were their own, but adopting anyway to try to fulfill that void in their life. That would be selfish.