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Roo · Jun 14th, 2009, 02:12 PM

What do you all think about this article?

Mom recalls death of baby she left in car

Demian Bulwa, Chronicle Staff Writer
Sunday, June 14, 2009

http://sfgate.com/cgi-bin/article.cg...MNEA185OBP.DTL

Haley Wesley can still see the terrible moment. After driving straight home from work one afternoon, she walked to the passenger side of her car to retrieve something and was startled to spot her 10-month-old daughter tucked in her infant seat.

For a fraction of a second, Wesley convinced herself that she had just picked up Maddison from day care.

"Then it hit," she says. "The only reason that she would be in the car would be that I had never dropped her off."

Wesley is crying now, sitting at her kitchen table in the small Napa County community of Angwin, telling her story just a few feet from the spot two years ago where she laid Maddison - her first child, the fearless baby with the contagious laugh - and frantically gave her mouth-to-mouth resuscitation.

"There was a moment of hope," she says, when Maddison's abdomen rose.
It was only her mother's desperate air going in. And when she stopped, it stopped.

On May 18, 2007, Wesley became one of perhaps two dozen people a year who accidentally kill their children by leaving them in the backseat of a car. It's hard to imagine a more excruciating set of circumstances: a child is dead, a parent is to blame, and it seems to be little consolation that the grown-up was merely forgetful.

But it happened again Monday when, according to police, Alan Carey left his 4-month-old son, Everett, in the back seat of his car at the El Cerrito Plaza BART Station after forgetting to drop him off at day care in the morning.

The boy's mother, realizing he was missing, rushed to the lot in the afternoon and was confronted with the same horrible sight that Wesley saw.

BART has five police investigators assigned to the case. After they turn over their findings, Contra Costa County prosecutors will have to decide whether to file charges.

"My heart absolutely goes out to them," Wesley says of the El Cerrito family. Recalling the support she received from loved ones, she adds, "I hope people find them and surround them."

It can happen

Wesley, a 29-year-old graphic artist at Pacific Union College in Angwin, agreed to her first interview since her daughter's death and her conviction for misdemeanor child endangerment because, she says, she doesn't want any other parent to go through what she has been through.

She believes baby seats should be equipped with sensors that detect weight, and that cars should be outfitted with alarms that sound if the driver gets out and something is still in the seat.

But mostly, she wants to raise awareness of parents who believe that what happened to her couldn't possibly happen to them. She once believed the same thing.

"It was hard for me to understand. How could I forget the most precious thing to me?" Wesley says. "It's still hard to fathom that I would be capable of that."

All kinds of people have proven to be capable of it, including "absolute doting parents," says Janette Fennell, a former San Francisco resident who tracks similar deaths for her Kansas nonprofit group, Kids and Cars.

It started happening in the early 1990s, Fennell says, when laws were passed requiring that infants be placed in the backseats of cars - and turned to the rear - as a way to prevent airbag injuries.

Fennell says the same simple factors are often at work with parents who forget their children: exhaustion, work stress, routine change or different commute.

"Under the right circumstances, or the wrong circumstances, it could happen to anybody," Fennell says.

On the day that Wesley forgot her daughter, she left home about 7 a.m. in her and her husband's Honda Civic. She usually dropped Maddison off in the couple's pickup truck, but on this day she was taking a long detour. The couple had a rule: Long drives were to be done in the more fuel-efficient car.

She drove 30 miles to Napa, to the offices of Napa Valley Support Services. She needed to drop off a poster she had designed for her former employer - and she wanted to show off Maddison, who was already taking her first steps.

Wesley recalls that Maddison wouldn't let anyone else but her mom hold her. That felt pretty good.

Afterward, Wesley got coffee at a drive-through. Then, as she steered back into Angwin's forested hills, she blew past the turn for Discoveryland, Maddison's day care.

A typical day

She parked at Pacific Union College just before 9 a.m. and walked to her desk to begin a typical work day. Her computer's screen-saver showed Maddison smiling on a beach in Hawaii. She talked about Maddison with a co-worker who used the same day care.

"The whole time I'm at work, I'm thinking she's OK, and she's safe, and she's at Discoveryland," Wesley says. "I know that sounds crazy."

Temperatures were in the 70s that day in Angwin, but it was much hotter inside the black Honda. A forensic pathologist later said the cause of death was heat stroke and dehydration.

Wesley returned to the Civic at about 3:30 p.m. and drove a mile to her rented home for a quick round of tidying up. She planned to pick up Maddison an hour later.

Instead, within minutes, she was on the phone with a 911 dispatcher and trying to breathe life into her child.

At St. Helena Hospital, doctors tried in vain to revive Maddison. Wesley's husband, Richie, who is also 29, rushed from his job as a server at a nearby restaurant.

"At that point, whatever he wanted to do, to say, I had made the decision to take it," Wesley says. "His first reaction was, 'How could you ...' But he didn't even finish that sentence."

Instead, he gathered her into his arms and held her. Later, at her parents' house in Santa Rosa, Richie pulled Haley's mother and father aside and made a request.

As Haley's father, Rob Fenderson, recalls it, Richie said, "Please don't say anything that would make Haley feel bad. I lost one - I don't want to lose them both."

"I thought a lot of him before that," says Fenderson, a principal at a private school that serves students from preschool to high school. "But I thought even more of him after that."

Prosecutor files charges

Three months later, Napa County District Attorney Gary Lieberstein charged Haley Wesley with felony involuntary manslaughter. On the Web site of the Napa Valley Register newspaper, opinions varied among readers - many of whom personalized the debate.

"As the mother of two small children," one wrote, "I can't ever imagine forgetting that they are in the car with me. ... Without consequences, lessons are not learned."

But another person wrote, "Just losing her child is enough punishment."

In March 2008, Wesley pleaded guilty to child endangerment in a deal with prosecutors. A judge sentenced her to three years of probation and 120 hours of community service. Ultimately, she served some of that by giving cautionary talks to groups about what she did.

She does not think she should have been charged, saying, "I don't know that punishing the parent after the fact is going to solve the problem."

Lieberstein could not be reached for comment last week, but at the time he said, "I have no doubt that Mrs. Wesley and her husband will grieve the loss of Maddison for the rest of their lives. I also believe, however, that this tragedy could have and should have been avoided."

Wesley says the support of family members and friends helped her emerge from the depths that followed her daughter's death - including the constant feeling that there should be three people in her home, not two, and the guilt that she "had taken Maddison away from everybody."

But she soon found a new focus.

By the time she was sentenced, Wesley was seven months pregnant. Early one morning in May 2008, she went into labor.

One year later

It wasn't until hours later, after she gave birth to a healthy girl named Peyton, that she realized what day it was: the anniversary of Maddison's death.

"It just felt like way too big of a coincidence," Wesley says. "It felt like it was meant to be. It made it feel like it was OK to go on."

Wesley is standing in Peyton's room, crying again. She picks up a stuffed, rattling toy and shows how she now uses it as a makeshift alarm - clipping it to her pants when Peyton is in the back seat.

She never again drove the Honda. Her uncle took it and sold it.

Behind her are large photos of both of her daughters in Hawaii, where Wesley was born. They are wearing the same style of bikini on the same patch of the same beach - and if you didn't know better, you would think they were the same girl.

Wesley stares at the pictures of Maddison. "It's hard to take them off the wall and put them somewhere, because then it's like she didn't exist," she says. "I want Peyton to know about her, and to kind of grow up with her."

Bella · Jun 14th, 2009, 02:31 PM

Well that did it.

That entire article, heartbreaking. Some know how I feel about this issue. I just can't imagine, but the FACT is loving devoted parents forget their children in the car and most often times it's because of a change in routine... and because of that, I agree, yes to alarms on child safety seats, PLEASE.

Charlie · Jun 14th, 2009, 02:41 PM

Well, it is hard for me to believe you can forget your child just like that. It was not a few minutes, an ENTIRE work day, It is just unreal..... I don't know how to explain it but to me, putting sensors and what not on the seats is not what some people need, they need to pay more attention.

Quote:

Three months later, Napa County District Attorney Gary Lieberstein charged Haley Wesley with felony involuntary manslaughter. On the Web site of the Napa Valley Register newspaper, opinions varied among readers - many of whom personalized the debate.

"As the mother of two small children," one wrote, "I can't ever imagine forgetting that they are in the car with me. ... Without consequences, lessons are not learned."

She does not think she should have been charged, saying, "I don't know that punishing the parent after the fact is going to solve the problem."

Well, I agree with the person that say such actions need to be punished. It may not solve the problem but it may, in this specific case, prevent it from happening again. I am sorry if I am being too harsh or if I am offending anyone but I also think how could someone be ready to have another child that soon... she was already pregnant three months after her daughter was dead. I think she should have gone to prison on top of community work.

Roo · Jun 14th, 2009, 02:42 PM

I actually got a little angry when I read the article, bella. The reason is that if there are alarms placed on car seats and they don't work right, then the parent gets to sue the alarm company for negligence if their child dies. It totally removes the responsibility for remembering your child is in the car from the parent.

Taralindsey · Jun 14th, 2009, 02:45 PM

I cannot even being to imagine the grief that parents must go through.. and the poor babies that go through an agonizing death trapped in a hot car... the thought of it just makes me cry.

YES YES YES to alarms on carseats! If it saves the babies it needs to be done!

habanerita · Jun 14th, 2009, 02:45 PM

Definitely there is a need for the alarms for infant seats.

I was a doting, over protective, involved mother, with three kids, very close in age. One time, while sitting at the orthodontist for an appointment for one of children, the nurse came out and called the child's name..........it was then and only then believe it or not that I realized I had left the child behind at a ballet lesson and ran to the appointment and sat down by myself............the nurse and I laughed and laughed together with the people in the waiting room., and thank goodness my child was quite safe and happy at the ballet school............but it can happen to anyone in the right circumstances.............

Charlie · Jun 14th, 2009, 02:46 PM

Originally Posted by Roo

I actually got a little angry when I read the article, bella. The reason is that if there are alarms placed on car seats and they don't work right, then the parent gets to sue the alarm company for negligence if their child dies. It totally removes the responsibility for remembering your child is in the car from the parent.

That's exactly what I was trying to say. Thank you Roo!

Bag*Snob · Jun 14th, 2009, 02:47 PM

I bet she didn't forget her purse in the car....This makes me so angry. Sure - make someone else responsible to do what you should already be doing.

Charlie · Jun 14th, 2009, 02:49 PM

Originally Posted by Bag*Snob

I bet she didn't forget her purse in the car....This makes me so angry. Sure - make someone else responsible to do what you should already be doing.

True to that.

nataliam1976 · Jun 14th, 2009, 03:13 PM

Originally Posted by Roo

I actually got a little angry when I read the article, bella. The reason is that if there are alarms placed on car seats and they don't work right, then the parent gets to sue the alarm company for negligence if their child dies. It totally removes the responsibility for remembering your child is in the car from the parent.

excellent point, Roo. And just because negligence isnt voluntary it doesnt mean it should go unpunished.

hiyall · Jun 14th, 2009, 03:29 PM

Originally Posted by Bag*Snob

I bet she didn't forget her purse in the car....This makes me so angry. Sure - make someone else responsible to do what you should already be doing.

AND

QUOTE:
Originally Posted by Roo
I actually got a little angry when I read the article, bella. The reason is that if there are alarms placed on car seats and they don't work right, then the parent gets to sue the alarm company for negligence if their child dies. It totally removes the responsibility for remembering your child is in the car from the parent.

ITA!!!!

Wow. "Bet she didn't forget to leave her purse in the car...that says
it ALL and then some!!!

kroquet · Jun 14th, 2009, 04:18 PM

Roo - I totally agree that if the alrams don't work, then what??

My kids are all grown and I have to say that I never left or forgot them. Calll me old fashioned, but people are just too wrapped up in their own little worlds and we have forgotton how to set our priorities. JMHO
To continue my rant - the person that obeys the school zone until he/she drops their kid off and then speeds through while on their cell phone. Sorry, but I see people do that ALL the time.

KatsBags · Jun 14th, 2009, 04:30 PM

Originally Posted by Roo

I actually got a little angry when I read the article, bella. The reason is that if there are alarms placed on car seats and they don't work right, then the parent gets to sue the alarm company for negligence if their child dies. It totally removes the responsibility for remembering your child is in the car from the parent.

I completely agree.

Roo · Jun 14th, 2009, 04:40 PM

Also, I hope I don't seem like I am unsympathetic to the mother and baby, because I'm not. I just think that we need to stay away from shifting legal liability onto third parties. We have enough ridiculous lawsuits as it is.

And

to the comment about her not forgetting her purse in the car. Sad but true.

glamgirl84 · Jun 14th, 2009, 05:01 PM

I think this usually happens to NEW parents who are not used to caring for a child and can forget more easily. If you never used a bag before and you all of a sudden starting carrying one, you might forget it too.

But I agree, its totally unfathomable. I'm not sure that I think there should be alarms on baby seats, but maybe in general parents should be made more aware of the benefit of placing the baby bag or whatever in the front passenger seat so that they are forced not to forget who's in the back. Also, I'm not sure if this is possible, but can the baby be placed in the back on the passenger's side? I think part of the problem is that the parent can't see the baby at all when its right behind them. Just a thought.

Jun 14th, 2009, 02:12 PM	#1
Roo OP Mod Squad Joined: Apr 2006 Location: Rue Roo Posts: 12,629	Mother who forgot baby in car wants changes made to car seats What do you all think about this article? Mom recalls death of baby she left in car Demian Bulwa, Chronicle Staff Writer Sunday, June 14, 2009 http://sfgate.com/cgi-bin/article.cg...MNEA185OBP.DTL Haley Wesley can still see the terrible moment. After driving straight home from work one afternoon, she walked to the passenger side of her car to retrieve something and was startled to spot her 10-month-old daughter tucked in her infant seat. For a fraction of a second, Wesley convinced herself that she had just picked up Maddison from day care. "Then it hit," she says. "The only reason that she would be in the car would be that I had never dropped her off." Wesley is crying now, sitting at her kitchen table in the small Napa County community of Angwin, telling her story just a few feet from the spot two years ago where she laid Maddison - her first child, the fearless baby with the contagious laugh - and frantically gave her mouth-to-mouth resuscitation. "There was a moment of hope," she says, when Maddison's abdomen rose. It was only her mother's desperate air going in. And when she stopped, it stopped. On May 18, 2007, Wesley became one of perhaps two dozen people a year who accidentally kill their children by leaving them in the backseat of a car. It's hard to imagine a more excruciating set of circumstances: a child is dead, a parent is to blame, and it seems to be little consolation that the grown-up was merely forgetful. But it happened again Monday when, according to police, Alan Carey left his 4-month-old son, Everett, in the back seat of his car at the El Cerrito Plaza BART Station after forgetting to drop him off at day care in the morning. The boy's mother, realizing he was missing, rushed to the lot in the afternoon and was confronted with the same horrible sight that Wesley saw. BART has five police investigators assigned to the case. After they turn over their findings, Contra Costa County prosecutors will have to decide whether to file charges. "My heart absolutely goes out to them," Wesley says of the El Cerrito family. Recalling the support she received from loved ones, she adds, "I hope people find them and surround them." It can happen Wesley, a 29-year-old graphic artist at Pacific Union College in Angwin, agreed to her first interview since her daughter's death and her conviction for misdemeanor child endangerment because, she says, she doesn't want any other parent to go through what she has been through. She believes baby seats should be equipped with sensors that detect weight, and that cars should be outfitted with alarms that sound if the driver gets out and something is still in the seat. But mostly, she wants to raise awareness of parents who believe that what happened to her couldn't possibly happen to them. She once believed the same thing. "It was hard for me to understand. How could I forget the most precious thing to me?" Wesley says. "It's still hard to fathom that I would be capable of that." All kinds of people have proven to be capable of it, including "absolute doting parents," says Janette Fennell, a former San Francisco resident who tracks similar deaths for her Kansas nonprofit group, Kids and Cars. It started happening in the early 1990s, Fennell says, when laws were passed requiring that infants be placed in the backseats of cars - and turned to the rear - as a way to prevent airbag injuries. Fennell says the same simple factors are often at work with parents who forget their children: exhaustion, work stress, routine change or different commute. "Under the right circumstances, or the wrong circumstances, it could happen to anybody," Fennell says. On the day that Wesley forgot her daughter, she left home about 7 a.m. in her and her husband's Honda Civic. She usually dropped Maddison off in the couple's pickup truck, but on this day she was taking a long detour. The couple had a rule: Long drives were to be done in the more fuel-efficient car. She drove 30 miles to Napa, to the offices of Napa Valley Support Services. She needed to drop off a poster she had designed for her former employer - and she wanted to show off Maddison, who was already taking her first steps. Wesley recalls that Maddison wouldn't let anyone else but her mom hold her. That felt pretty good. Afterward, Wesley got coffee at a drive-through. Then, as she steered back into Angwin's forested hills, she blew past the turn for Discoveryland, Maddison's day care. A typical day She parked at Pacific Union College just before 9 a.m. and walked to her desk to begin a typical work day. Her computer's screen-saver showed Maddison smiling on a beach in Hawaii. She talked about Maddison with a co-worker who used the same day care. "The whole time I'm at work, I'm thinking she's OK, and she's safe, and she's at Discoveryland," Wesley says. "I know that sounds crazy." Temperatures were in the 70s that day in Angwin, but it was much hotter inside the black Honda. A forensic pathologist later said the cause of death was heat stroke and dehydration. Wesley returned to the Civic at about 3:30 p.m. and drove a mile to her rented home for a quick round of tidying up. She planned to pick up Maddison an hour later. Instead, within minutes, she was on the phone with a 911 dispatcher and trying to breathe life into her child. At St. Helena Hospital, doctors tried in vain to revive Maddison. Wesley's husband, Richie, who is also 29, rushed from his job as a server at a nearby restaurant. "At that point, whatever he wanted to do, to say, I had made the decision to take it," Wesley says. "His first reaction was, 'How could you ...' But he didn't even finish that sentence." Instead, he gathered her into his arms and held her. Later, at her parents' house in Santa Rosa, Richie pulled Haley's mother and father aside and made a request. As Haley's father, Rob Fenderson, recalls it, Richie said, "Please don't say anything that would make Haley feel bad. I lost one - I don't want to lose them both." "I thought a lot of him before that," says Fenderson, a principal at a private school that serves students from preschool to high school. "But I thought even more of him after that." Prosecutor files charges Three months later, Napa County District Attorney Gary Lieberstein charged Haley Wesley with felony involuntary manslaughter. On the Web site of the Napa Valley Register newspaper, opinions varied among readers - many of whom personalized the debate. "As the mother of two small children," one wrote, "I can't ever imagine forgetting that they are in the car with me. ... Without consequences, lessons are not learned." But another person wrote, "Just losing her child is enough punishment." In March 2008, Wesley pleaded guilty to child endangerment in a deal with prosecutors. A judge sentenced her to three years of probation and 120 hours of community service. Ultimately, she served some of that by giving cautionary talks to groups about what she did. She does not think she should have been charged, saying, "I don't know that punishing the parent after the fact is going to solve the problem." Lieberstein could not be reached for comment last week, but at the time he said, "I have no doubt that Mrs. Wesley and her husband will grieve the loss of Maddison for the rest of their lives. I also believe, however, that this tragedy could have and should have been avoided." Wesley says the support of family members and friends helped her emerge from the depths that followed her daughter's death - including the constant feeling that there should be three people in her home, not two, and the guilt that she "had taken Maddison away from everybody." But she soon found a new focus. By the time she was sentenced, Wesley was seven months pregnant. Early one morning in May 2008, she went into labor. One year later It wasn't until hours later, after she gave birth to a healthy girl named Peyton, that she realized what day it was: the anniversary of Maddison's death. "It just felt like way too big of a coincidence," Wesley says. "It felt like it was meant to be. It made it feel like it was OK to go on." Wesley is standing in Peyton's room, crying again. She picks up a stuffed, rattling toy and shows how she now uses it as a makeshift alarm - clipping it to her pants when Peyton is in the back seat. She never again drove the Honda. Her uncle took it and sold it. Behind her are large photos of both of her daughters in Hawaii, where Wesley was born. They are wearing the same style of bikini on the same patch of the same beach - and if you didn't know better, you would think they were the same girl. Wesley stares at the pictures of Maddison. "It's hard to take them off the wall and put them somewhere, because then it's like she didn't exist," she says. "I want Peyton to know about her, and to kind of grow up with her."
	__________________ I will be traveling until mid-November. If you need help contact amanda or swanky. Will answer all PMs when I return!

Jun 14th, 2009, 02:31 PM	#2
Bella Earth to Bella Joined: Mar 2006 Posts: 4,317	Well that did it. That entire article, heartbreaking. Some know how I feel about this issue. I just can't imagine, but the FACT is loving devoted parents forget their children in the car and most often times it's because of a change in routine... and because of that, I agree, yes to alarms on child safety seats, PLEASE.
Bella Earth to Bella Joined: Mar 2006 Posts: 4,317	__________________

Jun 14th, 2009, 02:42 PM	#4
Roo OP Mod Squad Joined: Apr 2006 Location: Rue Roo Posts: 12,629	I actually got a little angry when I read the article, bella. The reason is that if there are alarms placed on car seats and they don't work right, then the parent gets to sue the alarm company for negligence if their child dies. It totally removes the responsibility for remembering your child is in the car from the parent.
	__________________ I will be traveling until mid-November. If you need help contact amanda or swanky. Will answer all PMs when I return!

Jun 14th, 2009, 02:45 PM	#5
Taralindsey trying to diversify! Joined: Apr 2007 Location: Not tellin' Posts: 6,205	I cannot even being to imagine the grief that parents must go through.. and the poor babies that go through an agonizing death trapped in a hot car... the thought of it just makes me cry. YES YES YES to alarms on carseats! If it saves the babies it needs to be done!
	__________________ MUST HAVE: LV Galliera PM Coach Zoe or Maggie RM Morning After Clutch BALENCIAGA city LV Damier Speedy 35 LV Mono Poche Toilette 26. Spending my time shopping for the Coach Holiday RAOK 2009! Tara Lindsey Photography

Jun 14th, 2009, 02:45 PM	#6
habanerita Member Joined: May 2006 Posts: 4,023	Definitely there is a need for the alarms for infant seats. I was a doting, over protective, involved mother, with three kids, very close in age. One time, while sitting at the orthodontist for an appointment for one of children, the nurse came out and called the child's name..........it was then and only then believe it or not that I realized I had left the child behind at a ballet lesson and ran to the appointment and sat down by myself............the nurse and I laughed and laughed together with the people in the waiting room., and thank goodness my child was quite safe and happy at the ballet school............but it can happen to anyone in the right circumstances.............
habanerita Member Joined: May 2006 Posts: 4,023

Jun 14th, 2009, 02:47 PM	#8
Bag*Snob For All Things Authentic! Joined: May 2006 Posts: 1,817	I bet she didn't forget her purse in the car....This makes me so angry. Sure - make someone else responsible to do what you should already be doing.
	__________________ *BagSnob**

Jun 14th, 2009, 04:18 PM	#12
kroquet Menopausal M. O. B. Joined: Sep 2007 Location: Texas Posts: 9,215	Roo - I totally agree that if the alrams don't work, then what?? My kids are all grown and I have to say that I never left or forgot them. Calll me old fashioned, but people are just too wrapped up in their own little worlds and we have forgotton how to set our priorities. JMHO To continue my rant - the person that obeys the school zone until he/she drops their kid off and then speeds through while on their cell phone. Sorry, but I see people do that ALL the time.
	__________________ Current Wishlist - Maxi Veneta in Nero

Jun 14th, 2009, 04:40 PM	#14
Roo OP Mod Squad Joined: Apr 2006 Location: Rue Roo Posts: 12,629	Also, I hope I don't seem like I am unsympathetic to the mother and baby, because I'm not. I just think that we need to stay away from shifting legal liability onto third parties. We have enough ridiculous lawsuits as it is. And to the comment about her not forgetting her purse in the car. Sad but true.
	__________________ I will be traveling until mid-November. If you need help contact amanda or swanky. Will answer all PMs when I return!

Jun 14th, 2009, 05:01 PM	#15
glamgirl84 Member Joined: Sep 2007 Posts: 1,689	I think this usually happens to NEW parents who are not used to caring for a child and can forget more easily. If you never used a bag before and you all of a sudden starting carrying one, you might forget it too. But I agree, its totally unfathomable. I'm not sure that I think there should be alarms on baby seats, but maybe in general parents should be made more aware of the benefit of placing the baby bag or whatever in the front passenger seat so that they are forced not to forget who's in the back. Also, I'm not sure if this is possible, but can the baby be placed in the back on the passenger's side? I think part of the problem is that the parent can't see the baby at all when its right behind them. Just a thought.
glamgirl84 Member Joined: Sep 2007 Posts: 1,689	__________________

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