Mother who forgot baby in car wants changes made to car seats

[Roo]

Rhetorical question: If this was a day care provider that left the child in the car, should that person get the same punishment as this mother did- or should it be more harsh?

[envyme]

Oh, come on Roo! You know the masses would be demanding a harsher punishment...

My 1st cousin lost his 3 year old son in the same way. He and his wife were having marital problems, and they argued all the time. They decided to stick it out because of their son, but they fought and argued all the damn time.

I will never forget that it happened in July, a month before my birthday. They were coming home from an event, and they fought in the car on their drive home. They fought all night, and forgot the poor little boy in the car. They found him the next day. Needless to say, they are no longer married.

When you have kids, you have to focus, focus, focus!!!!!! Some people get so caught up in their own crap, that they don't pay full attention to those who they brought into this world. Its sad.

Originally Posted by Roo

Rhetorical question: If this was a day care provider that left the child in the car, should that person get the same punishment as this mother did- or should it be more harsh?

[archygirl]

Technology is not the answer. I teach a course on science and technology in society and a part of that is what is called "the technological fix." Every example we discussed shows how it never really solves the problem, and in fact creates new and sometimes more dangerous problems. I completely feel horrible for those parents, but there is something to be said about the lack of attention that exists in our society today. Everyone is so caught up in minutia that they forget important things, like children in cars. It is sad, but I don't get why there is such a diminished capacity to focus---

I am a mother of two children who are now young adults. At times I was juggling school, house, work and husband and never once in those 15 years I was in school did I ever forget my kids ANYWHERE. People need to pay attention to their children more, and maybe they would not forget them in cars when they go to work...is work all that important or so important to as reduce one's focus on your children??--I hope not.

[KatsBags]

Originally Posted by nataliam1976

Plus as someone mentioned in one of the threads, 75% of child deaths are caused by parents. This is an enormous percentage and if there is no punishment involved in those car deaths, its only a matter of time when somebody uses it consciously and gets away with it. Sad but true.

There was a CSI episode where the father "forgot" the baby...intentionally.

[HauteMama]

chag: You are probably right, and it is a fault of mine that situations like this upset me so much that I was one of the ones calling for her imprisonment. I find it infuriating that in cases like these there is no one to fight for the baby who was lost. If a daycare worker forgot a child in a van or a caretaker for the elderly or disabled was negligent leading to a patient's death, the family would be calling for their head and that person would go through the justic system no matter how horrible they felt or how much they regretted what happened. When a baby dies, there is no one to to fight that fight and we often must accept that the guilt is punishment enough. While I understand the argument in the academic sense, it still just strikes me as wrong that someone would have to pay for the death of someone not related to them, but a mother or father walks with no consequences except their own conscience. My heart screams at that injustice, but I suppose in most cases where someone dies there can never truly be justice.

[Roo]

^^ ITA hautemama

I guess the concept of 'mercy' comes into play, and our definitions of it vary greatly when it comes to the parent who has made this horrible mistake and the poor child who has suffered as a result.

[Roo]

Originally Posted by envyme

Oh, come on Roo! You know the masses would be demanding a harsher punishment...

Well, I said it was rhetorical!

[chag]

Oh gosh :( horrible just horrible. Things like that just tear you to pieces. So sorry HM

[nataliam1976]

Originally Posted by HauteMama

chag: You are probably right, and it is a fault of mine that situations like this upset me so much that I was one of the ones calling for her imprisonment. I find it infuriating that in cases like these there is no one to fight for the baby who was lost. If a daycare worker forgot a child in a van or a caretaker for the elderly or disabled was negligent leading to a patient's death, the family would be calling for their head and that person would go through the justic system no matter how horrible they felt or how much they regretted what happened. When a baby dies, there is no one to to fight that fight and we often must accept that the guilt is punishment enough. While I understand the argument in the academic sense, it still just strikes me as wrong that someone would have to pay for the death of someone not related to them, but a mother or father walks with no consequences except their own conscience. My heart screams at that injustice, but I suppose in most cases where someone dies there can never truly be justice.

EXACTLY. I dont believe anyone here has no compassion to what those parents go through, but the question is what makes a parent forgetting THEIR OWN child less forgivable than a professional making the same mistake? They are both mistakes and both would make them suffer for the rest of their lives. Why such criteria?

It would be interesting to hear a take on the bolded above points from posters who think that what happened is punishment enough.

[kroquet]

HauteMama - great post!!!!

[merika]

Originally Posted by nataliam1976

EXACTLY. I dont believe anyone here has no compassion to what those parents go through, but the question is what makes a parent forgetting THEIR OWN child less forgivable than a professional making the same mistake? They are both mistakes and both would make them suffer for the rest of their lives. Why such criteria? It would be interesting to hear a take on the bolded above points from posters who think that what happened is punishment enough.

Nat - I think you meant to say more forgivable, not less.

I think when a death by murder or manslaughter occurs what people commonly and self-righteously call "justice" isn't really justice for the victim or the perpetrator. Face it, the victim is dead. The perpetrator, if the death was accidental, gets locked up for a period of time. What's the point? IF the death was not intended, and the person is not a serial killer what is the point in jailing a person for an length of time? There can be a lot more productive ways for a person to pay back society for such a mistake.

In my opinion justice in such situations is more for the appeasement of the victim's family and society in general rather than a study of the effectiveness of the form of punishment for the perpetrator. That is why there is leniency towards parents...because of the assumption that the pain that will be directed towards someone else who killed their child will be directed toward themselves, if they were the accidental cause of the death.

And to all the people who jump on the bandwagon saying someone should be locked up...what's the point of locking someone up unless they are a menace to society? Is it like a bigger version of a time-out or something, which is why everyone says it's fine??

If I were a mother and I accidentally killed my child, being locked up and solitary would be infinitely more preferable than having to go out in society, give talks to people and tell them "I killed my child and it was an accident".

[~Fabulousity~]

This is very sad. I remember when my oldest daughter was about 5 I would forget to drop her off at school (she was always very quiet) but when I arrived at work I would realize she was still in the car and end up having to drive all the way back across town. I did this about 3 times that I can think of. I don't understand how these people leave their babies in a car, I mean do they not look in their back seats at all before they leave the car for work? Very strange.

[chag]

My thoughts exactly. If it were truely accidental then the guilt of taking a life alone I feel is enough. It's with them every second of every day for the rest of their lives. Is there any worse purgatory?

Originally Posted by merika

Nat - I think you meant to say more forgivable, not less. I think when a death by murder or manslaughter occurs what people commonly and self-righteously call "justice" isn't really justice for the victim or the perpetrator. Face it, the victim is dead. The perpetrator, if the death was accidental, gets locked up for a period of time. What's the point? IF the death was not intended, and the person is not a serial killer what is the point in jailing a person for an length of time? There can be a lot more productive ways for a person to pay back society for such a mistake. In my opinion justice in such situations is more for the appeasement of the victim's family and society in general rather than a study of the effectiveness of the form of punishment for the perpetrator. That is why there is leniency towards parents...because of the assumption that the pain that will be directed towards someone else who killed their child will be directed toward themselves, if they were the accidental cause of the death. And to all the people who jump on the bandwagon saying someone should be locked up...what's the point of locking someone up unless they are a menace to society? Is it like a bigger version of a time-out or something, which is why everyone says it's fine?? If I were a mother and I accidentally killed my child, being locked up and solitary would be infinitely more preferable than having to go out in society, give talks to people and tell them "I killed my child and it was an accident".

[nataliam1976]

Originally Posted by chag

My thoughts exactly. If it were truely accidental then the guilt of taking a life alone I feel is enough. It's with them every second of every day for the rest of their lives. Is there any worse purgatory?

so do you think that if those were not parents and it was truly accidental, they shouldnt bear any consequences?

[Vegas Long Legs]

Originally Posted by amanda

Just a little reminder - just because you may disagree with someone on the principals behind a situation, doesn't mean the people you disagree with are heartless, unsympathetic, or deserving of condescension. I don't think anyone here is saying that there's no tragedy in a baby dying needlessly and I don't think there's any need for the tone that some of these posts have taken.

Great post! Many of us who they perceive to be on the other side were stating reality of how the law or businesses would see the situation.

It always amazes me how some want to assume the worst of their fellow man.