Mother who forgot baby in car wants changes made to car seats

[Vegas Long Legs]

Great post!

I remember falling asleep in the car & waking up when parents carried me inside. Made me mad!

[DivineMissM]

Wow, I hadn't heard of this particular story before. Unfortunately there are many like it. :(

I don't know about you all, but whenever I'm forgetting something I can feel it. I always pause to figure out what it is. I just don't see how you can forget about a child in the backseat of the car.

[LaciGirl007]

Originally Posted by bagaholic85

i understand its a tragic way to loose a child, but installing alarms on car seats seems a bit extreme. my car actually has an interior motion detector that you have the ability to turn on or off. now, making that mandatory makes sense to me. it protects you from leaving a baby, pet, etc in the car, and it also protects you from someone sneaking in ur car and attacking u (the real reason the motion detector is in there).

Actually, even having a motion detector doesn't always prevent this tragedy. A recent cover story in the Washington Post magazine addressed this whole issue of "Fatal Distraction" in depth, and answers the question, "How could a parent do this?" Here's a link to that article. On page two of that article is the example of the motion detector that worked, but didn't prevent the tragedy:

"Then there is the Chattanooga, Tenn., business executive who must live with this: His motion-detector car alarm went off, three separate times, out there in the broiling sun. But when he looked out, he couldn't see anyone tampering with the car. So he remotely deactivated the alarm and went calmly back to work."

The article also had this sidebar with tips about how to minimize the risk of it happening.

[omgsweet]

I have read so many stories about this situation. Every parent seems sorry and heartbroken about what happened. I have felt terrible for each parent - except this one. This one made me mad. Maybe it is just how the author of the article wrote it. I don't know.

http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn...T2009030602446

The parts that upset me:

"I don't feel I need to forgive myself," she says plainly, "because what I did was not intentional."

"It was like this, except these two spots next to us were empty," she notes blandly as she gets out of the car, gathers her keys and leans in to get the diaper bag.

There is an almost pugnacious matter-of-factness about Lyn Balfour that can seem disconcerting, particularly if you have a preconception about how a person in her circumstances is supposed to face the world.

You might expect, for example, that she has gotten another car. But this black Honda Pilot with the pink Tinkerbell steering wheel cover is the same car Bryce died in, just inches from where Balfour is bending over Braiden to unstrap him.

"It didn't make financial sense to get a new car," she says.

Balfour's eyes are impassive. Her attitude is clear:

You got a problem with that?
__________________________

It seems like she is acting like she made a simple mistake...like she forgot the milk in her car and it spoiled. Just because it was an accident doesn't make it ok! I mean, think of how your child suffered during those horrible hours that you FORGOT about him!

[omgsweet]

Balfour doesn't like to think about Bryce's final ordeal. A kindly doctor once told her that her son probably didn't suffer a great deal, and she clings to this resolutely. In her mind, Bryce died unafraid, surrounded by consoling angels. The deity Balfour believes in loves us unconditionally and takes a direct hand in our lives; this delivers comfort, but also doubt.
____________

I would think dying in this matter would be pretty darn painful. I imagine the baby crying for hours...alone. The thought makes me sick.

[nataliam1976]

Originally Posted by omgsweet

Balfour doesn't like to think about Bryce's final ordeal. A kindly doctor once told her that her son probably didn't suffer a great deal, and she clings to this resolutely. In her mind, Bryce died unafraid, surrounded by consoling angels. The deity Balfour believes in loves us unconditionally and takes a direct hand in our lives; this delivers comfort, but also doubt. ____________ I would think dying in this matter would be pretty darn painful. I imagine the baby crying for hours...alone. The thought makes me sick.

It says in this article that one child pulled all his hair out before death. I cant even begin to imagine that.

[Brasilian_Babe]

As much as i would like to say that my heart goes out to these mothers, it does not! I am a mother of a almost 16 month old boy and i cannot for the life of me comprehend how someone could forget their child for a few minutes or a couple of hours, let alone almost a whole working day. Do i lack compassion? Maybe... But as a full time working mother, who has the responsability of also looking after my own parents and looking after my 16 year old brother and tutoring him and going to his parent/school meetings while working full time and making sure i spend enough time with my child, forgetting that my child is there just has not ever entered my mind. I have never ever left my child alone in the car, the thought of it terrifies me to no end. And the thought of of these children dying in such a manner is so horribly sad that i just cannot bring myself to actually feel sorry for anyone who forgets their children is right there next to them. Making changes to car seats is never going to replace a parents attention and sense of responsability. I think it is ridiculous and that is putting it nicely... I apologise if i offend anyone who does not agree with me, but the thought of children dying over their parent's distraction is unnacceptable.

[Odette]

The whole article omgsweet posted made me cry. You can clearly see that those parents are beating themselves up over the mistakes they made as parents. I agree that those parents shouldn't be prosecuted - it's not an intentional act.

I don't know what the solution is - humans are not perfect.

[sweetneet]

Originally Posted by omgsweet

I have read so many stories about this situation. Every parent seems sorry and heartbroken about what happened. I have felt terrible for each parent - except this one. This one made me mad. Maybe it is just how the author of the article wrote it. I don't know. http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn...T2009030602446 The parts that upset me: "I don't feel I need to forgive myself," she says plainly, "because what I did was not intentional." "It was like this, except these two spots next to us were empty," she notes blandly as she gets out of the car, gathers her keys and leans in to get the diaper bag. There is an almost pugnacious matter-of-factness about Lyn Balfour that can seem disconcerting, particularly if you have a preconception about how a person in her circumstances is supposed to face the world. You might expect, for example, that she has gotten another car. But this black Honda Pilot with the pink Tinkerbell steering wheel cover is the same car Bryce died in, just inches from where Balfour is bending over Braiden to unstrap him. "It didn't make financial sense to get a new car," she says. Balfour's eyes are impassive. Her attitude is clear: You got a problem with that? __________________________ It seems like she is acting like she made a simple mistake...like she forgot the milk in her car and it spoiled. Just because it was an accident doesn't make it ok! I mean, think of how your child suffered during those horrible hours that you FORGOT about him!

I agree, I feel the same way. I absolutely despise her attitude of "this can happen to any parent, we NEED car alarm systems to prevent this". I don't think that's the right approach at all. At least the mom who went on Oprah (the assistant principal who forgot her 2 year old in the car), her message was waay more on-target IMO, she kept telling mothers " please, slow down, don't try to be Supe r Mom, nothing matters more than your child". The whole show she kept saying how moms get overwhelmed because they try to do too much for everyone else and that is why they forget about their kids... and she was telling her story to prevent other moms from doing the same thing. That approach makes sense, not the notion that human beings are inherently too stupid and scatterbrained to remember to do something like drop your child off at daycare and prevent them from baking in the hot sun all day. please. that's what bothers me so much about a lot of these cases. sometimes the parents act like they had absolutely no fault at all, and it could not have been prevented.

[sweetneet]

Originally Posted by omgsweet

Balfour doesn't like to think about Bryce's final ordeal. A kindly doctor once told her that her son probably didn't suffer a great deal, and she clings to this resolutely. In her mind, Bryce died unafraid, surrounded by consoling angels. The deity Balfour believes in loves us unconditionally and takes a direct hand in our lives; this delivers comfort, but also doubt. ____________ I would think dying in this matter would be pretty darn painful. I imagine the baby crying for hours...alone. The thought makes me sick.

i know, and it's not just the crying. i hate to be graphic, but in the case shown on Oprah they played the 911 call (for when the 2-year-old was found after 8 hours in a hot car), and the caller (not the mother) was describing how the baby had "foam coming out of her mouth" and how "her skin was peeling off". that thought alone made me sick to my stomach. what gets me is that these stories and the details are in the news every summer, time and time again, and yet it still happens to more people ever year. i'm not even a parent yet but after hearing these i'm already resolving things i will do to insure this does not ever happen to me (turn cell phone off in car, ask caretaker to call if child not dropped off, use internet video monitoring to check on child during the day, leaving a toy in front seat etc). i honsetly don't get why more parents are not enough afraid of this that they start doing something to prevent it.

[sweetneet]

Originally Posted by LaciGirl007

Actually, even having a motion detector doesn't always prevent this tragedy. A recent cover story in the Washington Post magazine addressed this whole issue of "Fatal Distraction" in depth, and answers the question, "How could a parent do this?" Here's a link to that article. On page two of that article is the example of the motion detector that worked, but didn't prevent the tragedy: "Then there is the Chattanooga, Tenn., business executive who must live with this: His motion-detector car alarm went off, three separate times, out there in the broiling sun. But when he looked out, he couldn't see anyone tampering with the car. So he remotely deactivated the alarm and went calmly back to work." The article also had this sidebar with tips about how to minimize the risk of it happening.

that's a really good point. yeah that's basically why i think those alarms aren't really the solution..people will either ignore them or disable them. like BrazilianBabe said, there is no substitute for a parent's attention or responsibility to a child. there is only so much gadgets and alarms can do. yes there are seatbelts, airbags, carseats etc that save kids lives but those are completely different, like everything else they can only function when the parent uses them correctly (putting child in backseat, have child sit rear facing etc).

[omgsweet]

This article was really long and I have limited time on the computer these days. I just finished it!

More things that bother me about this same lady...

Afterward, Balfour calmly answered questions from the news media, as always. She was unemotional, unapologetic, on message. She will consider an appeal. She will continue to speak out for greater public awareness of the dangers of leaving children alone in cars. She sounded, as always, just a little bit cold. Her attitude is why she is having so much trouble with the justice system. She had to fight to overturn her prosecution and is now fighting to get it expunged. There is a reason no charges were brought on the other parents. This lady is acting very indifferent to the whole situation.

"Can you imagine losing your only child and not having a hope of having another? Can you imagine that despair?" As if your child can be replaced! Sick!

[Panda1]

These parents' sorrow can never match the hours of horrible suffering their children endured. Somehow they didn't forget their purse or cell phones

[LemonDrop]

I know this is an older thread but the story was so heartbreaking I just had to post. In the last few years I have become very forgetful. I try very very hard to remember things but I find that if my head wasn't attached i would set it down and forget it. I start out to do one thing and before I know it I am thinking about another thing and forgot the first and have moved on to the third.

it isn't that I don't care or try. I honestly think part of it is b/c I have cared and tried so much over the years that my brain just quits thinking sometimes to sorta save itself. And it is doing this more and more.

I just feel so so so awful for this woman. I do think an alarm would help. You can't expect that everyone is or should be exactlly the same. You might not forget your child but I honestly honestly think I could. If I had a routine and I broke it. And the kid was super quiet in the back ..... I just can't even imagine how terrible that I would feel. I think if a device could be made to help parents whose brains don't functions as well as all the perfect parents out there - then it should be made.

[Panda1]

It is not about being perfect but being responsible. The baby was tortured for hours before death, that is not a simple mistake, it is a crime. Some parents say it could happen to anyone to make themselves feel better but they are wrong. Cars have been around since the early 20th century. Since that time, thousands of parents have driven cars and not forgotten their baby in the backseat for hours. If someone is not capable of remembering they left their baby in the car for hours (not a few minutes!), maybe they should think hard on whether they should have children.

Originally Posted by LemonDrop

I know this is an older thread but the story was so heartbreaking I just had to post. In the last few years I have become very forgetful. I try very very hard to remember things but I find that if my head wasn't attached i would set it down and forget it. I start out to do one thing and before I know it I am thinking about another thing and forgot the first and have moved on to the third. it isn't that I don't care or try. I honestly think part of it is b/c I have cared and tried so much over the years that my brain just quits thinking sometimes to sorta save itself. And it is doing this more and more. I just feel so so so awful for this woman. I do think an alarm would help. You can't expect that everyone is or should be exactlly the same. You might not forget your child but I honestly honestly think I could. If I had a routine and I broke it. And the kid was super quiet in the back ..... I just can't even imagine how terrible that I would feel. I think if a device could be made to help parents whose brains don't functions as well as all the perfect parents out there - then it should be made.