Mother who forgot baby in car wants changes made to car seats

[kroquet]

Stay at home vs career is relevant, because, I believe most of these incidents happened while the parents were on their way to work. Common sense says to turn off the cell phones until you get your morning duties finished which includes dropping the kids off at school or day care and focus on what's important. Simple as that.

Simple education is key. The hospitals should include in the pre-natal classes, the consequences of a hot car, just as they do the importance of a proper child safety seat. I remember watching the birthing film, maybe one is needed for car safety as well. Having said that, you can't legislate common sense.

[Blondee178]

Originally Posted by sweetneet

i agree. there are always a lot of negative/incorrect assumptions about mothers who work (or those who don't) which is unfortunate. i recall someone in this thread saying something like "not everyone has the luxury of being a SAHM". I want to point out that one shouldn't always assume that women who are SAHMs are living the high life and have less day-to-day stress than working mothers. I have a number of relatives who are SAHMs whose husbands don't make that much money and who struggle every day to make ends meet and pay the mortgage/rent. In places where the cost of living (and therefore, the cost of daycare) is very high, sometimes it just doesn't make economical sense for the mother to work. I have a friend on the east coast who has a graduate degree and made a decent salary at her job, but when she had her 2nd child, she had to quit because by her working & paying for 2 kids in daycare (plus having to hire someone to do cooking/cleaning etc) they would actually have LESS income than if she stayed home and took care of the kids. So for some families, it simply makes more economical sense for the woman to stay at home...it does not necessarily mean that the husband makes a ton of money and the woman gets the choice to stay at home. Furthermore, I don't always see being a SAHM as a "luxury" because IMO being a SAHM seems like extremely hard work!

Most of your posts are assumptions. You would do this, You would do that. It is difficult to assume what anyone would do under any situation unless you are the one experiencing them.

N I am not minimizing the work of SAHM's, I know its hard to take care of children. But as a working single parent I have ALL the same responsibilities a SAHM has along with those of a JOB and SCHOOL. So yes to me being an SAHM is a luxury and not an option. (But thats just my opinion)

As for the situation at hand, I think whatever will increase parents awareness is great. Unfortunately these things do happen and arguing about the reasons why they happen doesn't change that. Not everyone needs to be reminded but as others have said, if it saves a single baby then its worth it.

[RosieJetson]

Just two points -

It was brave of the mother to "fess up and then try to help other parents. She probably knew she'd be ridiculed. Her heart is in the right place.

And the second point is more of an observation, the reason why we are hearing about so many children dying in the back seat of cars is due to the fairly recent law that children must be in the back seat. When my children were little, they were seated in their carseats but in the front. The new law I think is contributing to children dying in the backseat but it is not an excuse, only an observation of what may contribute to the deaths.

That said, perhaps, car-makers could have a light that goes off when there is weight in the backseat. I don't think carseats with alarms is a good idea, due to lawsuits, though.

Personally, I dislike all the "smart" technology sometimes but I understand the reasons for it. (However, I see no reason why honking which is soposed to be for emergencies only is now used to let the owner they just locked their car. Honking is for emergencies only.)

[legaldiva]

I'm glad the DA filed charges. If I were the DA and heard she was out denying responsibility TO THIS DAY, I'd be on the phone with probation having her a$$ revoked so fast her head would spin.

This is classic neglect. I'm still shocked she has the attitude "She does not think she should have been charged, saying, 'I don't know that punishing the parent after the fact is going to solve the problem.'" Sick.

I'm only more upset that she had another child. I hope CPS is watching her every move.

[habanerita]

Hmmmm!!! Cut and dry, black and white......no grey areas., respect your legal opinion, but,
IMHO, again, there but for the Grace of God go all of us.

Originally Posted by legaldiva

I'm glad the DA filed charges. If I were the DA and heard she was out denying responsibility TO THIS DAY, I'd be on the phone with probation having her a$$ revoked so fast her head would spin. This is classic neglect. I'm still shocked she has the attitude "She does not think she should have been charged, saying, 'I don't know that punishing the parent after the fact is going to solve the problem.'" Sick. I'm only more upset that she had another child. I hope CPS is watching her every move.

[sweetneet]

Originally Posted by Blondee178

Most of your posts are assumptions. You would do this, You would do that. It is difficult to assume what anyone would do under any situation unless you are the one experiencing them. N I am not minimizing the work of SAHM's, I know its hard to take care of children. But as a working single parent I have ALL the same responsibilities a SAHM has along with those of a JOB and SCHOOL. So yes to me being an SAHM is a luxury and not an option. (But thats just my opinion) As for the situation at hand, I think whatever will increase parents awareness is great. Unfortunately these things do happen and arguing about the reasons why they happen doesn't change that. Not everyone needs to be reminded but as others have said, if it saves a single baby then its worth it.

well then i guess we will have to agree to disagree. personally, i don't think it's at all fair to assume that all moms who work and/or go to school have more (or less) responsibilities than SAHMs do. everyone's situation is different. i know SAHMs who have special needs kids or kids/elderly parents with serious illnesses and can't get a job because their child/elderly parent needs 24/7 care. I have friends who just had babies and they tell me they can't wait to get back to work because for them staying at home with the kids was too stressful for them. so i think it all depends on the situation, that's why i dont' buy the argument "well because i work i have more stress /responsibilities and that's why it's easier for me to forget things, like a child in a car". to me, that just sounds like a cop-out. sure, one may be stressed out with day-to-day responsibilities, but who isn't??

and about increasing awareness about this issue, as i mentioned back i'm all for it, i think day cares should have mandatory classes about the dangers of leaving your babies in cars, etc because i think the sad reality is that most parents don't realize the potential dangers of it. for whatever reason many don't realize that their cars can become ovens in literally a few minutes. Just like many teenagers don't realize that drunk driving, speeding, racing etc can kill people, and that's why high schools have to have speakers come in (e.g. someone who lost a family member due to drunk driver) to tell their story so that kids actually can "get it".

[sweetneet]

Originally Posted by kroquet

Stay at home vs career is relevant, because, I believe most of these incidents happened while the parents were on their way to work. Common sense says to turn off the cell phones until you get your morning duties finished which includes dropping the kids off at school or day care and focus on what's important. Simple as that. Simple education is key. The hospitals should include in the pre-natal classes, the consequences of a hot car, just as they do the importance of a proper child safety seat. I remember watching the birthing film, maybe one is needed for car safety as well. Having said that, you can't legislate common sense.

i agree, very well said.

good point about the cell phone thing, i think that would help minimize distractions for many. i mean, if you would take the trouble to silence your phone during a business meeting, a wedding ceremony, a movie, etc, why not take the effort to do the same in the mornings (while dropping off child at daycare), if it helps you focus on what's most important (your child's safety)?

[Blondee178]

Originally Posted by sweetneet

well then i guess we will have to agree to disagree. personally, i don't think it's at all fair to assume that all moms who work and/or go to school have more (or less) responsibilities than SAHMs do. everyone's situation is different. i know SAHMs who have special needs kids or kids/elderly parents with serious illnesses and can't get a job because their child/elderly parent needs 24/7 care. I have friends who just had babies and they tell me they can't wait to get back to work because for them staying at home with the kids was too stressful for them. so i think it all depends on the situation, that's why i dont' buy the argument "well because i work i have more stress /responsibilities and that's why it's easier for me to forget things, like a child in a car". to me, that just sounds like a cop-out. sure, one may be stressed out with day-to-day responsibilities, but who isn't?? and about increasing awareness about this issue, as i mentioned back i'm all for it, i think day cares should have mandatory classes about the dangers of leaving your babies in cars, etc because i think the sad reality is that most parents don't realize the potential dangers of it. for whatever reason many don't realize that their cars can become ovens in literally a few minutes. Just like many teenagers don't realize that drunk driving, speeding, racing etc can kill people, and that's why high schools have to have speakers come in (e.g. someone who lost a family member due to drunk driver) to tell their story so that kids actually can "get it".

I can finally agree with you.

What triggers the stress and how it's handled varies from person to person. I dont think stress was used as an excuse but rather an explanation (or maybe I'm just naive). I know of situations where a person has come to me stressed out over something so minor and i'm thinking...if thats your biggest problem consider yourself lucky. But I'm sure some have thought that about me at some point. KWIM?

Awareness is definitely the key. Adding it to parental classes would be good way to start. N if nothing else, awareness was brought to TPF. Cuz she definitely got us talking.

[sweetneet]

Originally Posted by Blondee178

I can finally agree with you. What triggers the stress and how it's handled varies from person to person. I dont think stress was used as an excuse but rather an explanation (or maybe I'm just naive). I know of situations where a person has come to me stressed out over something so minor and i'm thinking...if thats your biggest problem consider yourself lucky. But I'm sure some have thought that about me at some point. KWIM? Awareness is definitely the key. Adding it to parental classes would be good way to start. N if nothing else, awareness was brought to TPF. Cuz she definitely got us talking.

indeed. i first heard of the child-forgetten-in-car stories from tPF (not this thread, but another last year). at least hopefully this will make people more aware of these tragedies and cause people to be more careful so that they do not happen again

[Cindi]

Maybe they could use those "leashes" people use in the mall to tie them to their kids. That way when they got out of the car they would be attached to the kid and there would be no way to forget. I'm sure people would forget to use them as with any idea but something definitely needs to be done. I think it should be the responsibility of the parent to figure out a system that works for them and use it. Ultimately a child is the parent's responsibility. No matter what else is going on or how stressed, busy, or distracted that parent may be. You chose to have kids. You have to choose to make them your top priority.

[kroquet]

Just a little food for thought:

What if the busy, stressed out Mom dropped off her kids at daycare and accidentally forgot to drop the puppy off at the Vet and he died from the heat. Would charges be filed and how would we feel about that?


Legaldiva - I suspect that CPS is keeping an eye on her

[nataliam1976]

Originally Posted by kroquet

Just a little food for thought: What if the busy, stressed out Mom dropped off her kids at daycare and accidentally forgot to drop the puppy off at the Vet and he died from the heat. Would charges be filed and how would we feel about that? Legaldiva - I suspect that CPS is keeping an eye on her

I personally would want charges filed in both cases. Child, animal, both defenseless and depending on the adult responsible for them and their lives - who chose to have this responsibility. Legaldiva, good post.

[SterlingSilver]

Something about these type of accidents bother me. When you are driving aren't you looking out the rear view mirror while driving, left and right and front rearview mirrors? Would you not see your child in the car seat? I am really puzzled by this.

[IFFAH]

Originally Posted by Roo

What do you all think about this article? One year later It wasn't until hours later, after she gave birth to a healthy girl named Peyton, that she realized what day it was: the anniversary of Maddison's death. "It just felt like way too big of a coincidence," Wesley says. "It felt like it was meant to be. It made it feel like it was OK to go on." Wesley is standing in Peyton's room, crying again. She picks up a stuffed, rattling toy and shows how she now uses it as a makeshift alarm - clipping it to her pants when Peyton is in the back seat. She never again drove the Honda. Her uncle took it and sold it. Behind her are large photos of both of her daughters in Hawaii, where Wesley was born. They are wearing the same style of bikini on the same patch of the same beach - and if you didn't know better, you would think they were the same girl. Wesley stares at the pictures of Maddison. "It's hard to take them off the wall and put them somewhere, because then it's like she didn't exist," she says. "I want Peyton to know about her, and to kind of grow up with her."

So it's only after giving birth to her current child that she then suddenly remember it was the anniversary of Maddison's death?

[kroquet]

I never thought about that. Even after 28 years, I ALWAYS remember the date. It's with me the minute I wake up in the morning. Good point.