Another infant raped and murdered....

[Taralindsey]

I still cannot even believe this. I just cry if I think about it too long. It makes me want to hold on to my babies and never let them out of my sight.

[PlushKitty]

This really is pathetic how we have to use the word 'again' about something as horrible and inconceivable such as raping and murdering an infant...

[candace117]

Originally Posted by print*model

Disgusting. I have very strong opinions about women who leave their children in the care of their "boyfriends". It's always the children who suffer at the hands of these animals and I'm sorry, but this childs own mother put her in this position. All so that the mother can say she's "got a man". Dumb.

I know what you mean, but what you are actually saying is something different entirely.

People are responsible for their own actions, so while I hope she is more careful about who she dates in the future, it is not her fault that her boyfriend chose to assault her baby. You can go your whole life and never really know someone.

[candace117]

...hmm...I AM proficient on many weapons systems and would be happy to demonstrate this to the perpetrator. What do you all think?

[Speedy]

Originally Posted by candace117

...hmm...I AM proficient on many weapons systems and would be happy to demonstrate this to the perpetrator. What do you all think?

Works for me.

[Sarsi]

ugh... we have heard of a number of stories similar to this where the boyfriend abuses the children...

Alot of women are never catious of this...
no matter how much you love a man...
you should never totally trust them with your children... (just my opinion)

I have a friend who got divorced and now dating a wonderful man...
but I was still soooo surprised when she asked her boyfriend to pick up her 6 yr. old daughter
at our house after the party at 11pm. (no nothing happend)

I guess I am just not comfortable having my babies alone with strangers...
probably even with a wonderful boyfriend... (if it was me...)

I'm not saying that its the mother's fault that the children are abused...
but its better to practice caution... when its our childrens lives that are on the line...

Hope this poor mother will find justice for her baby...

[Speedy]

So, we as women are never to trust ANY man because they "may" abuse our children? I would have missed out on 20 years of a loving relationship had I subscribed to this kind of fear.

Besides, I think stats will show a child is more in danger of it's own biological parents than a step-parent or babysitter. It's just these kinds of people get the majority of the press.

How sad it is to live like that...

[chloehandbags]

Originally Posted by Speedy

There is no way this mother knew about the previous assault on a woman and her child... sadly, the courts protect the perpetrators of violent crime more than they do the victims. It's been shown, over and over, that people just are not aware of a person's violent history unless they know precisely what they've done. And, like the guy who burned my niece over 85% of her body and killed her kids, men like this can be such charmers until the final act that takes a life.

Very true.

So sorry to hear about your niece and her children, Speedy.

As you say, these women are generally not idiots, or uncaring - they are the unlucky victims of psychopathic con merchants and/or sexual deviants with little or no willpower, who will do and say anything to get what they want. Even if a few of them are idiots, it is still not their fault if a psychopath has singled them out as an easy target and conned them, is it?

ITA with those who say that they would not leave their baby with a man they didn't know, but what about a man you think you do know well?

It is a well-known fact that violent men and active sexual deviants, such as pedophiles, often seem extremely charming, to not only their potential targets (often for some time, sometimes years, before they show their true colours), but also to their targets' families, friends and neighbours. That's why women often don't know what they are really like, until it's too late and/or don't get the support they need to leave, because the people they tell (even members of their own family) simply don't believe that such a 'nice' man could behave so badly.

The terrifying thing, is that some of you on this very forum will be dating, living with, or even married to such men now and not yet know it.

The sad truth, of course, is that there are many more pedophiles and men who fantasise about rape out there than most of us realise (for each category, think in terms of, at least, 1 in 10) and these men can't help having these urges any more than 'normal' people can help their sexual orientation. Pair deviant sexuality with low willpower and/or a lack of conscience (again characteristics we are either born with and/or brought up to have, or not) and/or alcohol and/or drugs and these appalling results are inevitable.

After all, the only difference between a pedophile, wife/child beater, or potential rapist who chooses not to act on his urges and one who acts on them, is strong willpower and a strong conscience and that willpower and/or conscience has to be really strong; how many men do you know who could totally 'give up' their preference for women, or men and/or an innocent sexual fetish that they might have?

The men (and the few women) who carry out these hideous acts have proven themselves to be completely powerless over their sex drives and/or tempers and must be kept away from the rest of society and particularly their potential victims, indefinitely.

Many of us blame these people, alone (and possibly the women they attack/whose children they attack), for their actions, but the horrible truth is that, if they are known, by the criminal justice system, to have committed sexual and/or violent crime(s) against women and/or children before, by allowing their release from this separation from society (whether that be in jail, or elsewhere), at any age, especially without permanent (and ideally physical) castration, we, as a society, are almost more responsible for the inevitable conclusion, than they are.

If we are going to reduce the number of these incidents, we must start protecting the vulnerable members of our society and stop expecting women to be mindreaders.



Sorry for the long rant.

[Speedy]

Well said Chloe! I think we know each other in another life, I could have written your rant.

One of the problems I discovered with the law and my niece is that they often blame the victim. In her case, the rights of the "father" was more important than the rights of the children or my niece. There were plenty of warnings, no-one heeded them until her set fire to her. (I've spoken about him and this in the thread about the case.)

Without fail, almost all of these men are charmers. They know what to do and say to worm their way into the women's hearts and families. Chloe said it best, if we are to get anywhere, we MUST start protecting the most vunerable members and quite expecting them to be mind-readers.

I guess unless it's happened to you personally or someone you love, you just can't imagine what evil lies in thier minds.

[chloehandbags]

Originally Posted by IntlSet

Sorry, as I said in an earlier post: someone who is crazy/evil enough to RAPE a CHILD and then KILL that child does not do this out of the blue. There must have been symptoms of his mental illness or evilness or whatever you want to call it.

That is simply not true, I'm afraid, Intl. Would that it were!

Well hidden and/or suppressed sexual deviance is not anywhere near as easy to detect as a generalised mental illness is.

Many a highly intelligent woman has been duped by an apparently kind, balanced, intelligent, educated, hardworking man. Some of these men are duping these women on purpose (or 'grooming' them) and some are just very good at suppressing the dark side of their personalities/sexualities and may even be in denial and conning themselves that their sexual deviance/violent temper, or whatever, will go away if only they can find the right woman.

After all, we almost all suppress/hide our less attractive sides in new relationships, don't we? It's just that, for most of us, it's something fairly innocent that we're hiding. But if our less attractive side was something horrific, like pedophilia, or (as a man) violence against women, I'm sure most of us would suppress it even harder and/or hide it for as long as we possibly could, wouldn't we?

I obviously don't know, in this case, whether this woman was aware of any possible sexual deviance in her boyfriend, or not, but it seems far more likely, to me, that she wasn't.

[chloehandbags]

Originally Posted by Speedy

Well said Chloe! I think we know each other in another life, I could have written your rant.

Ahhh, thanks Speedy!

Quote:

One of the problems I discovered with the law and my niece is that they often blame the victim. In her case, the rights of the "father" was more important than the rights of the children or my niece. There were plenty of warnings, no-one heeded them until her set fire to her. (I've spoken about him and this in the thread about the case.)

That's absolutely terrible.

Important as it is for a good father to see his children, it is obviously far more important to ensure that the children and their mother are safe at all times.

Talk about mixed-up priorities.

Quote:

I guess unless it's happened to you personally or someone you love, you just can't imagine what evil lies in thier minds.

[rubylola]

Very well said CHB

[Sarsi]

Originally Posted by Speedy

So, we as women are never to trust ANY man because they "may" abuse our children? I would have missed out on 20 years of a loving relationship had I subscribed to this kind of fear. Besides, I think stats will show a child is more in danger of it's own biological parents than a step-parent or babysitter. It's just these kinds of people get the majority of the press. How sad it is to live like that...

Like you said SPEEDY we are not mind readers...
we could never tell not even with the biological parents...
(sorry about your niece...)

and you are right too in being sad to live with fear...
but what can we do? it is a reality that it does happen

Still many are blessed and lucky to have found loving and healthy relationships
like you and many of us have... even my friend.

But I'm sad to admit that I do have this fear...
It's not that I have been in this situation or relationship...
but I have family who had...
and have seen the effects of the trauma and pain to the survivors....

Maybe that's why I am very catious not that I dont trust anybody just catious...
specially I got 2 very young girls.

My heart goes to those poor children and women who became victims of such crimes...

[Speedy]

What can we do? Petition for harder time for domestic violence perpertrators, make restraining orders to include they have lost ALL RIGHTS to their children, LISTEN to the women who are scared to death, STOP blaming the victims, and QUIT MAKING THE WOMAN AND HER CHILDREN LEAVE THE HOME! I would love to see all women's shelters closed and re-opened as MEN'S SHELTERS. Most women are afraid that they will lose everything.

Mark Fregia, the man who set my niece on fire and killed her daughter and their son, was OUT ON BAIL for Domestic Violence when he did this. Yes, there was a restraining order. However, he also knew how to play the system and he had parental rights to his son. He threatened Erin the day he set her on fire that if she didn't go with him, he would not give back the boy.

Erin herself told me "I thought he may beat me again, but I never thought he'd do this." as she rubbed lotion on her skin grafts.

No-one, not even me ever dreamed he'd do something like this.

[FashionMIKE]

what a fu*k.... these people need to be wiped form the earth!