How many of you planned your pregnancies?

agile · Aug 25th, 2008, 10:39 AM

I'll be turning 31 in September having gotten married in October 2007. My hubby and I lived together for 4 years before getting married. We are not yet prepared for kids but we think we may be ready in a few years perhaps.

We're planning to start trying for kids when I'm about 34-35 which would give us about 3-4 years from now to do all the things we want to do, to be financially more stable and to be more ready in terms of figuring out how my job would affect the new baby and whether we'd have to hire a nanny.

From what I've heard, you can never be fully ready to have a child, nor can you plan your pregnancies to the extend that I've been doing.

My question is, how many of you planned your pregnancies and have you any advice to share?

wasabipea · Aug 25th, 2008, 12:57 PM

Hello Agile,

I don't know how to answer your question pretty much everyone on this sub-forum is "planning" their pregnancy.
We all hope to get pregnant soon, preferrably within the first month of TTC because we've pretty much checked off most of what's on our life's to-do list. However, it doesn't always work that way as most of the women here have been TTCing on an average of 6 months, some longer.

Good luck to you and your hubby.

BearyT · Aug 25th, 2008, 01:11 PM

agree with wasabipea... DH and I been planning everything together. First buying the house then getting married and now wanting to have kids and thought this could be planned as well but I started to know that it couldn't be planned. It really doesn't always work that way when you're TTC. I should say when life is ready, financially ready too then you should start. I always thought we could plan but nope that's not how it is.

Good luck to you!

agile · Aug 25th, 2008, 02:22 PM

Thanks for sharing wasabipea and bearyT, I guess once you're ready to start trying, then anything can go from there and it's just a matter of waiting. Did any of you have initial doubts about whether you wanted a child but went ahead and tried anyway? The way my hubby and I are feeling is that we're definitely not ready right now, and I'm not sure what we'd do if we're still not emotionally ready in a few years. I don't want to have my maternal instincts kick in at a later age, only to find that it's too late for us to have a child.

BearyT · Aug 25th, 2008, 02:35 PM

yeah I do have doubts when we first started but we still went ahead and tried. However, nothing happened so we kinda know that its not that easy as we thought. It might be easier for some couples to conceive but not all in general. We just keep on trying but who knows when I can conceive. However, I do agree that both has to be ready first. Have you think of seeing an OB? Probably she/he can give you advice as well.

illinirdhd · Aug 25th, 2008, 03:39 PM

I definitely have a few doubts - actually, not really doubts, but reservations or even jitters might be a better word. Will I mind getting hardly any sleep? Do I want to be pregnant? Will I be ok with spending money on diapers and baby clothes instead of bags and shoes? Do we have the money to start college funds? Will DH's work allow him a little bit more flexibility and less travel? Can we really afford for me not to work? Is there any way we can transfer back east to be near our families? What if something goes wrong with me during pregnancy or with our baby after birth? Can we afford that? Will DH and I be able to get used to having a whole other person to consider when we're planning vacations and even just going to a movie or the grocery store? I'm pretty convinced that I'll be really "ready" for kids when our children are about 18.

That said, we've decided to TTC.

ms.fashionista · Aug 25th, 2008, 03:41 PM

DH and I married in 2004 but been together since 1996. I am turning 30 this year. We were talking about having kids in the next 3 years and wanted to "plan" for it. But who knows what happened, I guess our bodies were ready, we got pregnant 3 months ago. I was still on the pill when this happened. DH said to me, "Be careful what you wish for!". We see this as a blessing...it was definitely a surprise...a good surprise!

jenniletv · Aug 25th, 2008, 03:44 PM

I know that planning does not always work out they way you want it to. DH and I planned to get off the pill in Oct 2006, but not to get pregnant. We did not have a plan that said okay let’s start trying then. I basically just wanted to quit taking the pill and DH was okay with that and if we got pregnant accidentally then it was meant to be. We actually went 10 months and I think we just had bad timing for ovulation or maybe we subconsciously avoided sex during ovulation, who knows. But we did not get pregnant. We then “planned” last September (2007) that we were ready to start really trying for kids. And we have trying ever since. We did have a couple of months where we did not BD like we should have or I was sick and did not feel like BD’ing one month. So while it appears we have been trying for 11 months, we really have been “trying” 9 months. This is not where I wanted to be in my plan for my life though. I thought I would already have several children by 35. I am now 32 and desperately trying for number 1. So some plans just do not work out. You just have to decide the time is right for you and your DH and go from there. Everyone always tells me that you will never be financially or emotionally ready but when it happens it is the greatest moment and things will fall into place. I would suggest, as BearyT did, that you should consult with your Dr. about your age and TTC and see what advice he/she has to give on the subject. Some Dr’s write people off of getting pregnant after a certain age, like 36 or so.

ive_flipped · Aug 25th, 2008, 04:51 PM

I have reservations and fears and concerns but that is all normal and you can never be 100% ready. You never know when you will get pregnant when you try. DH and I said we'll just see what happens and when it does ok (even though I am still freaked out about the whole thing and worried about work, money while off etc) and boom. Pregnant the first try. Life truly will throw you a curve ball no matter what. I am happy and excited about being pregnant. I am still freaked out beyond belief though :)

agile · Aug 25th, 2008, 05:27 PM

illinirdhd: Some of the questions you brought up are my questions exactly! I am willing to sacrifice my bags and shoes (I don't buy that much anyway), and my hubby and I do quite a bit of travelling whenever we get time off from work. But that said, we don't mind sacrificing the travelling. Our doubts mainly concern making sure that we have enough time for our child and while still being able to spontaneously do the things we like (go out for dinner at the last minute, decide the day before to go away for the weekend etc.). All very selfish I know :)

BearyT: Yes, I have a doctor that I can talk to, but I haven't brought this up as I'm still in the "thinking-only" mode. I tend to only visit my doctor for the yearly checkups but yes, I think it's high time I talk to her about children.

But anyway, I think that the consensus is that, however much you try to prepare yourself, you'll never be quite ready so we just have to deal with it, if we decide to TTC!

BearyT · Aug 25th, 2008, 06:31 PM

Great agile! I will suggest you to start bringing up the topic to your family doctor. I actually told my family doctor 2 years before during my annual checkup too and she did my Papsmear check as well. Just want to get some opinions and suggestions from her. She suggested me to try and have my first before 33. Probably different doctors will give you different suggestions but its always great to get great tips from them. Like for mine, she will ask me to lead a healthy diet and we both need to exercise. We were both smoking back then and we quit 1 year before we start TTC. Or if you're on the pill, I guess it will be a great time to consult as well. Just want to get yourself both mentally and physically ready.

Our concern before TTC was whose gonna take care of our little one if we both at work. We are both ready and prepared for giving up our time for the baby so that's not much of a big issue for us. So I'll say you just need to work it out and talk it through with your DH and have a talk with the OB.

LaurelLee123 · Aug 25th, 2008, 10:04 PM

Hi, it is nice to see so many women my age just starting to TTC and also having so many of the doubts that we did.

I am 32. I just got off the pill last month. My DH and I have been together for 10 years (Married for 5) but I was going through my schooling and training so I wanted to finish that before I had kids. And so for all those years, I thought the worst thing that could happen was that I would get pregnant accidently. It never happened. But I finally finished my training two years ago and started my job, which I love. And so I still wasn't ready. A lot of my concerns are that I make a lot more money than my DH. We bought an expensive house and live a good life based on my salary. He has a noble, but low paying career (junior high teacher!), and if I couldn't work - I honestly don't know what we would do. So I have been sooo scared to take the plunge. What if I can't work? What if I have bedrest? So more putting it off.

Two months ago, it suddenly hit me like a ton of bricks. I want a baby. And I want it now. DH has been ready for years. He loves kids (thus he is able to stand being a teacher).

So in a long winded answer - yes, I have tried to plan it. I have waited until the time is right. I have money saved, my job is secure. BUT, I am also not a young 20 year old girl anymore and I know that despite all the planning, I have no idea when this will actually happen. And it drives me crazy because I am a type A, plan everything, go getter - and for the first time I just have to let nature, faith, or the powers that be just take its course.

VPT · Aug 25th, 2008, 10:29 PM

I think planning before you have a child is a good thing. Settle your debts first, manage your finances and start a little fund to support the baby. About 3 mths prior to TTC, get you and your DH started on vitamin supplements. Sure you can't be totally prepared in that you don't know what child you'd get. Maybe twins? Difficult child? Low maintenance? Basically you prepare as much as you can and leave the rest in God's hands.

ive_flipped · Aug 25th, 2008, 10:30 PM

I just thought I would add this as a kind of point of interest lol I figured out how much it will cost for me to be off for 8.5 months (here you have a year if you want) and this amount is NOT including things for the baby or anything else for that matter but just paying for the basic house, car etc over $30,000. This is why I was so freaked out. I am glad I didn't think too much about it before trying or I never would have lol. And to add I make really good money and DH is starting to as well. I just can't imagine how these young families do it on minimum wage.

I guess what I am trying to say is I totally see why people wait and for those who are planners your going to be be so much better off.

wasabipea · Aug 26th, 2008, 02:02 PM

Last year when the DH and I were in our newlywed phase we were constantly asked when we would start a family. My customary reply was, I like ME time which said volumes. When do I get to go to the gym, dinner with friends, what if i want to stay late at work, or just sit on the couch and watch tv, you know important me stuff. I have lots of doubts - lots of them. Would I be a good parent, who would watch the kid when i go back to work. After several months of TTC, I've figured out that having a kid is similar to TTC. It doesn't always go as planned. its definitely a lifestyle change from what i can see.

Aug 25th, 2008, 10:39 AM	#1
agile Member	How many of you planned your pregnancies? I'll be turning 31 in September having gotten married in October 2007. My hubby and I lived together for 4 years before getting married. We are not yet prepared for kids but we think we may be ready in a few years perhaps. We're planning to start trying for kids when I'm about 34-35 which would give us about 3-4 years from now to do all the things we want to do, to be financially more stable and to be more ready in terms of figuring out how my job would affect the new baby and whether we'd have to hire a nanny. From what I've heard, you can never be fully ready to have a child, nor can you plan your pregnancies to the extend that I've been doing. My question is, how many of you planned your pregnancies and have you any advice to share?

Aug 25th, 2008, 01:11 PM	#3
BearyT Member	agree with wasabipea... DH and I been planning everything together. First buying the house then getting married and now wanting to have kids and thought this could be planned as well but I started to know that it couldn't be planned. It really doesn't always work that way when you're TTC. I should say when life is ready, financially ready too then you should start. I always thought we could plan but nope that's not how it is. Good luck to you! __________________

Aug 25th, 2008, 02:35 PM	#5
BearyT Member	yeah I do have doubts when we first started but we still went ahead and tried. However, nothing happened so we kinda know that its not that easy as we thought. It might be easier for some couples to conceive but not all in general. We just keep on trying but who knows when I can conceive. However, I do agree that both has to be ready first. Have you think of seeing an OB? Probably she/he can give you advice as well. __________________

Aug 25th, 2008, 03:39 PM	#6
illinirdhd Sofa King Hooked Location: Las Vegas, NV	I definitely have a few doubts - actually, not really doubts, but reservations or even jitters might be a better word. Will I mind getting hardly any sleep? Do I want to be pregnant? Will I be ok with spending money on diapers and baby clothes instead of bags and shoes? Do we have the money to start college funds? Will DH's work allow him a little bit more flexibility and less travel? Can we really afford for me not to work? Is there any way we can transfer back east to be near our families? What if something goes wrong with me during pregnancy or with our baby after birth? Can we afford that? Will DH and I be able to get used to having a whole other person to consider when we're planning vacations and even just going to a movie or the grocery store? I'm pretty convinced that I'll be really "ready" for kids when our children are about 18. That said, we've decided to TTC. __________________

Aug 25th, 2008, 03:41 PM	#7
ms.fashionista H-Happy!	DH and I married in 2004 but been together since 1996. I am turning 30 this year. We were talking about having kids in the next 3 years and wanted to "plan" for it. But who knows what happened, I guess our bodies were ready, we got pregnant 3 months ago. I was still on the pill when this happened. DH said to me, "Be careful what you wish for!". We see this as a blessing...it was definitely a surprise...a good surprise! __________________ She's a princess! My H Wish Come True

Aug 25th, 2008, 12:57 PM	#2
wasabipea Member	Hello Agile, I don't know how to answer your question pretty much everyone on this sub-forum is "planning" their pregnancy. We all hope to get pregnant soon, preferrably within the first month of TTC because we've pretty much checked off most of what's on our life's to-do list. However, it doesn't always work that way as most of the women here have been TTCing on an average of 6 months, some longer. Good luck to you and your hubby.

Aug 25th, 2008, 02:22 PM	#4
agile Member	Thanks for sharing wasabipea and bearyT, I guess once you're ready to start trying, then anything can go from there and it's just a matter of waiting. Did any of you have initial doubts about whether you wanted a child but went ahead and tried anyway? The way my hubby and I are feeling is that we're definitely not ready right now, and I'm not sure what we'd do if we're still not emotionally ready in a few years. I don't want to have my maternal instincts kick in at a later age, only to find that it's too late for us to have a child.

Aug 25th, 2008, 03:44 PM	#8
jenniletv In Minkie Land!! Location: Middle of Hokie Nation!	I know that planning does not always work out they way you want it to. DH and I planned to get off the pill in Oct 2006, but not to get pregnant. We did not have a plan that said okay let’s start trying then. I basically just wanted to quit taking the pill and DH was okay with that and if we got pregnant accidentally then it was meant to be. We actually went 10 months and I think we just had bad timing for ovulation or maybe we subconsciously avoided sex during ovulation, who knows. But we did not get pregnant. We then “planned” last September (2007) that we were ready to start really trying for kids. And we have trying ever since. We did have a couple of months where we did not BD like we should have or I was sick and did not feel like BD’ing one month. So while it appears we have been trying for 11 months, we really have been “trying” 9 months. This is not where I wanted to be in my plan for my life though. I thought I would already have several children by 35. I am now 32 and desperately trying for number 1. So some plans just do not work out. You just have to decide the time is right for you and your DH and go from there. Everyone always tells me that you will never be financially or emotionally ready but when it happens it is the greatest moment and things will fall into place. I would suggest, as BearyT did, that you should consult with your Dr. about your age and TTC and see what advice he/she has to give on the subject. Some Dr’s write people off of getting pregnant after a certain age, like 36 or so. __________________ Wishlist: RM Devote in Black - Preorderd!! RM K&U in any color RM MAC in ...color undecided RM MAB Luxe - PM if you find one for a great deal!! Come see my RM Collection: here

Aug 25th, 2008, 04:51 PM	#9
ive_flipped It's a Girl!!!!!!! Location: eh!! lol	I have reservations and fears and concerns but that is all normal and you can never be 100% ready. You never know when you will get pregnant when you try. DH and I said we'll just see what happens and when it does ok (even though I am still freaked out about the whole thing and worried about work, money while off etc) and boom. Pregnant the first try. Life truly will throw you a curve ball no matter what. I am happy and excited about being pregnant. I am still freaked out beyond belief though :) __________________ IT'S A GIRL

Aug 25th, 2008, 05:27 PM	#10
agile Member	illinirdhd: Some of the questions you brought up are my questions exactly! I am willing to sacrifice my bags and shoes (I don't buy that much anyway), and my hubby and I do quite a bit of travelling whenever we get time off from work. But that said, we don't mind sacrificing the travelling. Our doubts mainly concern making sure that we have enough time for our child and while still being able to spontaneously do the things we like (go out for dinner at the last minute, decide the day before to go away for the weekend etc.). All very selfish I know :) BearyT: Yes, I have a doctor that I can talk to, but I haven't brought this up as I'm still in the "thinking-only" mode. I tend to only visit my doctor for the yearly checkups but yes, I think it's high time I talk to her about children. But anyway, I think that the consensus is that, however much you try to prepare yourself, you'll never be quite ready so we just have to deal with it, if we decide to TTC!

Aug 25th, 2008, 06:31 PM	#11
BearyT Member	Great agile! I will suggest you to start bringing up the topic to your family doctor. I actually told my family doctor 2 years before during my annual checkup too and she did my Papsmear check as well. Just want to get some opinions and suggestions from her. She suggested me to try and have my first before 33. Probably different doctors will give you different suggestions but its always great to get great tips from them. Like for mine, she will ask me to lead a healthy diet and we both need to exercise. We were both smoking back then and we quit 1 year before we start TTC. Or if you're on the pill, I guess it will be a great time to consult as well. Just want to get yourself both mentally and physically ready. Our concern before TTC was whose gonna take care of our little one if we both at work. We are both ready and prepared for giving up our time for the baby so that's not much of a big issue for us. So I'll say you just need to work it out and talk it through with your DH and have a talk with the OB. __________________

Aug 25th, 2008, 10:04 PM	#12
LaurelLee123 Member	Hi, it is nice to see so many women my age just starting to TTC and also having so many of the doubts that we did. I am 32. I just got off the pill last month. My DH and I have been together for 10 years (Married for 5) but I was going through my schooling and training so I wanted to finish that before I had kids. And so for all those years, I thought the worst thing that could happen was that I would get pregnant accidently. It never happened. But I finally finished my training two years ago and started my job, which I love. And so I still wasn't ready. A lot of my concerns are that I make a lot more money than my DH. We bought an expensive house and live a good life based on my salary. He has a noble, but low paying career (junior high teacher!), and if I couldn't work - I honestly don't know what we would do. So I have been sooo scared to take the plunge. What if I can't work? What if I have bedrest? So more putting it off. Two months ago, it suddenly hit me like a ton of bricks. I want a baby. And I want it now. DH has been ready for years. He loves kids (thus he is able to stand being a teacher). So in a long winded answer - yes, I have tried to plan it. I have waited until the time is right. I have money saved, my job is secure. BUT, I am also not a young 20 year old girl anymore and I know that despite all the planning, I have no idea when this will actually happen. And it drives me crazy because I am a type A, plan everything, go getter - and for the first time I just have to let nature, faith, or the powers that be just take its course.

Aug 25th, 2008, 10:29 PM	#13
VPT i ♥ blood oranges Location: Singapore / Vancouver	I think planning before you have a child is a good thing. Settle your debts first, manage your finances and start a little fund to support the baby. About 3 mths prior to TTC, get you and your DH started on vitamin supplements. Sure you can't be totally prepared in that you don't know what child you'd get. Maybe twins? Difficult child? Low maintenance? Basically you prepare as much as you can and leave the rest in God's hands. __________________

Aug 25th, 2008, 10:30 PM	#14
ive_flipped It's a Girl!!!!!!! Location: eh!! lol	I just thought I would add this as a kind of point of interest lol I figured out how much it will cost for me to be off for 8.5 months (here you have a year if you want) and this amount is NOT including things for the baby or anything else for that matter but just paying for the basic house, car etc over $30,000. This is why I was so freaked out. I am glad I didn't think too much about it before trying or I never would have lol. And to add I make really good money and DH is starting to as well. I just can't imagine how these young families do it on minimum wage. I guess what I am trying to say is I totally see why people wait and for those who are planners your going to be be so much better off. __________________ IT'S A GIRL

Aug 26th, 2008, 02:02 PM	#15
wasabipea Member	Last year when the DH and I were in our newlywed phase we were constantly asked when we would start a family. My customary reply was, I like ME time which said volumes. When do I get to go to the gym, dinner with friends, what if i want to stay late at work, or just sit on the couch and watch tv, you know important me stuff. I have lots of doubts - lots of them. Would I be a good parent, who would watch the kid when i go back to work. After several months of TTC, I've figured out that having a kid is similar to TTC. It doesn't always go as planned. its definitely a lifestyle change from what i can see.