How do you know you're ready?

illinirdhd · May 15th, 2008, 08:55 PM

I tried a couple of google searches, but couldn't find a thread for this. Mods, please feel free to move it.

How did you know you were ready to TTC? DH is a little older than I am (I'll be 31 this weekend, he'll be 38 next month), so he's pretty anxious. We have decided that in a perfect world, we'd like to get pregnant in August/Sept/October this year, so our baby will have a spring or early summer birthday. And I'm no dummy - don't want to be 9 mos pregnant in August when it's 110 in the shade!

I'm a little nervous about it. DH and I have a really good relationship - seems to be solid. First marriage for both of us, and neither of us has kids. Our parents are all still married (37 yrs for mine, 39 for his), so I think we've had a pretty good background about the highs and lows of marriage. I know that divorce is always possible, but I don't really worry about it happening with us.

My problem? I married a fantastic man and can't wait to have children with him. But I was never one of those girls who couldn't wait to be a mom! In fact, until I was about 28, I didn't know if I'd ever want to get married, much less have a baby! I have the typical pro and con list about kids - can we afford it? Will I be a good mom? Do I really want to be pregnant? Breastfeeding? Am I cut out for 2 am feedings? Am I ready to change my entire life to be a mom? Should I wait til DH isn't traveling so much for work? How will our friendships with other people change (most of our friends are single or their kids are grown)? I know, most of this stuff will work itself out. And I know that most of it comes naturally.

Is this just pre-pregnancy jitters? Will they go away when we actually start planning (and trying) for a baby? I wasn't at all nervous to get married. My only wedding day jitters were getting to the church on time and DH getting there safely (was worried about him traveling that week!). A part of me thinks that TTC and pregnancy will be the same way. Once I make the decision, I'll be fine. But what if it doesn't work that way? I'm hesitant to wait another year or two - neither of us wants to have kids at home when we retire, and DH has planned very well for retirement at 60. What if we wait a year, and it takes another year to get pregnant, and then I'm still having babies when I'm 38 and DH is 45? Does everyone go through all these questions and mixed feelings?

So.... how did you know you were ready?

chipmunk-pnw · May 15th, 2008, 11:10 PM

I used to be like you too, my friends who are married with kids say "just make one, the rest will fall into place". I guess if you're financially stable, relatively debt free and not living from paycheck to paycheck you should give it a go while you're still young. Once you hit 35 yo your chances of conceiving will steadily decline from then on.

Have a look at this chart and website

LV Luvr · May 15th, 2008, 11:52 PM

I'm right there with you. DH and I have decided to start trying. We are 31 but all of our frineds are now on their 2nd and 3rd kids. I was never one of those girls who (1) dreamed about my wedding from when she was 5 or (2) had that burning desire my whole life to be a mom. I have quite a few friends who have. I chaulk it up to how God made me.

But we both agreed that if it happens, it happens and if doesn't that's ok we can adopt. I worry about the same things...2am feedings etc. I can barely get up when I hear out alarm clock at 7am! But also all that will come with a beautiful baby so you'll just do it...sleep deprived and all.

I believe noone is ever fully ready. Hang in there...we are going through this together.

Alidoll · May 16th, 2008, 08:32 AM

When I was younger I focused on trying to get my career going (University undergraduate then postgraduate courses). Met my DH and we both agreed to see a bit of the world. I was never what you'd call "maternal". Yeah, I like kids - so long as I can hand them back at the end of the day.

Now I'm 37 and just finished my 6th round of clomid. Every month has been torture - the deflated look on my DH face when yet another month ends in failure. Both of us have been tested and there is no "obvious" reason for it not to happen but I'm on day 28 and I've started getting my usual cramp so looks like this month hasn't been successful either.

Got an appt on Monday with my consultant to see where we go from here. I'm now officially too old for IVF on the NHS so would have to pay for treatment. I hate needles so the thought of having to self inject terrifies me. My boss has just had twins (she's in her 40's so I'm guessing it wasn't a natural conception...she was really early at 26 weeks and the twins are still in the neo-natal unit). My neighbour also has just had twins and the thought of that also scares me. DH is desparate for a child (he's an only child). I'd dearly love to be able to give him the child her longs for but it might never happen...

So, please don't leave it too late. Yes there have been major advances in medicine but the older you get, the more risks for the baby and for you.

Babydust floating your way!!

fashion16 · May 16th, 2008, 08:36 AM

Interesting question.... I never wanted children when I was young. I was always career driven, not family driven. In high school, all my friends wanted to get married & have babies after college....I wanted to move to NYC and wear power suits 6 days a week.
I got married and still had no desire to have children. Now I realize it was because I was with the wrong man and I was too selfish...and young.

My second husband and I have been married for 2.5 years, TTC for 1 year now. When you know, you know. As soon as I married him, I knew that I wanted to have children with him, it was just a matter of timing.

There will always be things that concern you such as ... can we afford it, will I be a good mom, is our relationship solid, who stays home w/ the baby etc. but when the urge kicks in, you find all your fears will calm down. (at least they did for me)

tabbyco · May 16th, 2008, 11:19 AM

We were in the same situation, and in all honesty I am a little creeped out at how all consumed my friends become once they have children. It scares me that all the sudden I won't really give a rip about anything other than my kid. But on the other side, I feel like it is something I will never understand until I experience it. I am really curious to see what it is to love something more than yourself. I think everything else will take care of itself...

One piece of advice I would give having put off TTC for 2 years is don't over think it. Just stop using BC and let it happen. I really thought I could control it (I wanted to get pg in May so I could have Feb baby- doesn't look like thats happening again), but we've been trying for a year, so don't assume that it will happen right way (but it probably will).

Best of luck!

illinirdhd · May 16th, 2008, 01:28 PM

Thanks for all the advice - it's really reassuring to know that lots of women feel like I do.

tabbyco, I know you're right about conception dates. I guess since being on the pill very diligently for soooo long, I've always assumed that I'd be able to get pregnant in 2 seconds flat. I know that's not always the case, but it sure kept me taking my BC! DH is already asking about stopping the pill. His sister is an internal medicine doctor, and she finally told him that there's no need to get off the pill for a few months first, so he's relaxed a little. I'm going to start prenatal vitamins soon and then probably stop the pill after my next package. It's a little scary...

tabbyco · May 16th, 2008, 02:06 PM

^^ You are already so much further ahead than alot of people... Some people get surprised with a pregnancy and haven't put the thought and consideration into such a life changing event that you already have.

illinirdhd · May 16th, 2008, 02:32 PM

It's funny - I see kids running around like wild animals in parking lots and running out in the street with their parents either nowhere to be seen or totally ignoring what the kid is doing. And I always think that I'd be a MUCH better parent than that. But then I think I'm soooooo unprepared for the responsibility. I'm almost 31, married, have a good income, a few bucks in the bank, no criminal record, etc etc etc, and I feel unprepared. How does a 19 year old single girl do it? I guess we do what we have to, but I think I'd rather be over prepared than under.

wasabipea · May 16th, 2008, 02:40 PM

The older we get the more we think that kids and responsibilities that come along with them may affect our lifestyles. I don't believe there's a 'litmus' test of any kind that can show you signs that you're ready, but you do have a few of the foundations to start a family; you're financially stable and you have a supportive partner. Best of luck!!

wasabipea · May 16th, 2008, 02:48 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by illinirdhd

It's funny - I see kids running around like wild animals in parking lots and running out in the street with their parents either nowhere to be seen or totally ignoring what the kid is doing. And I always think that I'd be a MUCH better parent than that. But then I think I'm soooooo unprepared for the responsibility. I'm almost 31, married, have a good income, a few bucks in the bank, no criminal record, etc etc etc, and I feel unprepared. How does a 19 year old single girl do it? I guess we do what we have to, but I think I'd rather be over prepared than under.

LOL. I've been guilty of giving a parent a dirty look or two when i see kids run around and scream at the top of the lungs.

jenniletv · May 16th, 2008, 04:52 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by tabbyco

We were in the same situation, and in all honesty I am a little creeped out at how all consumed my friends become once they have children. It scares me that all the sudden I won't really give a rip about anything other than my kid. But on the other side, I feel like it is something I will never understand until I experience it. I am really curious to see what it is to love something more than yourself. I think everything else will take care of itself...

One piece of advice I would give having put off TTC for 2 years is don't over think it. Just stop using BC and let it happen. I really thought I could control it (I wanted to get pg in May so I could have Feb baby- doesn't look like thats happening again), but we've been trying for a year, so don't assume that it will happen right way (but it probably will).

Best of luck!

This is exactly how I feel and my situation almost to the t. TTC twins.

Though My Dh and I have only been trying for 8 months, although a few times we did not get to bd the way we should be and I shouldn't really count those months, should I?

illinirdhd · May 16th, 2008, 06:12 PM

I would love to have twins! I keep telling DH that we are going to. I figure I can have a c-section, get my tubes tied and have a plastic surgeon on hand for an instant tummy tuck, and then we'll be done! Each of us has a cousin with new twins - his last Thanksgiving and mine about 3 months ago. He says we're not having twins, but I'll pray for them anyway!

lorenzo94580 · May 16th, 2008, 07:47 PM

^^Well then from one twin mommy to other hopeful twin mommies--

Twin babies dust your way!!

tabbyco · May 17th, 2008, 02:29 PM

My dad keeps wishing twins on us, and with the likelihood of IVF us for us, it will probably happen and it scares the crap out of me!!

Tell me its not that bad lorenzo94580....

May 15th, 2008, 08:55 PM	#1
illinirdhd Sofa King Hooked Location: Las Vegas, NV	How do you know you're ready? I tried a couple of google searches, but couldn't find a thread for this. Mods, please feel free to move it. How did you know you were ready to TTC? DH is a little older than I am (I'll be 31 this weekend, he'll be 38 next month), so he's pretty anxious. We have decided that in a perfect world, we'd like to get pregnant in August/Sept/October this year, so our baby will have a spring or early summer birthday. And I'm no dummy - don't want to be 9 mos pregnant in August when it's 110 in the shade! I'm a little nervous about it. DH and I have a really good relationship - seems to be solid. First marriage for both of us, and neither of us has kids. Our parents are all still married (37 yrs for mine, 39 for his), so I think we've had a pretty good background about the highs and lows of marriage. I know that divorce is always possible, but I don't really worry about it happening with us. My problem? I married a fantastic man and can't wait to have children with him. But I was never one of those girls who couldn't wait to be a mom! In fact, until I was about 28, I didn't know if I'd ever want to get married, much less have a baby! I have the typical pro and con list about kids - can we afford it? Will I be a good mom? Do I really want to be pregnant? Breastfeeding? Am I cut out for 2 am feedings? Am I ready to change my entire life to be a mom? Should I wait til DH isn't traveling so much for work? How will our friendships with other people change (most of our friends are single or their kids are grown)? I know, most of this stuff will work itself out. And I know that most of it comes naturally. Is this just pre-pregnancy jitters? Will they go away when we actually start planning (and trying) for a baby? I wasn't at all nervous to get married. My only wedding day jitters were getting to the church on time and DH getting there safely (was worried about him traveling that week!). A part of me thinks that TTC and pregnancy will be the same way. Once I make the decision, I'll be fine. But what if it doesn't work that way? I'm hesitant to wait another year or two - neither of us wants to have kids at home when we retire, and DH has planned very well for retirement at 60. What if we wait a year, and it takes another year to get pregnant, and then I'm still having babies when I'm 38 and DH is 45? Does everyone go through all these questions and mixed feelings? So.... how did you know you were ready? __________________

May 15th, 2008, 11:10 PM	#2
chipmunk-pnw ^.^ Location: USA	Re: How do you know you're ready? I used to be like you too, my friends who are married with kids say "just make one, the rest will fall into place". I guess if you're financially stable, relatively debt free and not living from paycheck to paycheck you should give it a go while you're still young. Once you hit 35 yo your chances of conceiving will steadily decline from then on. Have a look at this chart and website

May 15th, 2008, 11:52 PM	#3
LV Luvr Member	Re: How do you know you're ready? I'm right there with you. DH and I have decided to start trying. We are 31 but all of our frineds are now on their 2nd and 3rd kids. I was never one of those girls who (1) dreamed about my wedding from when she was 5 or (2) had that burning desire my whole life to be a mom. I have quite a few friends who have. I chaulk it up to how God made me. But we both agreed that if it happens, it happens and if doesn't that's ok we can adopt. I worry about the same things...2am feedings etc. I can barely get up when I hear out alarm clock at 7am! But also all that will come with a beautiful baby so you'll just do it...sleep deprived and all. I believe noone is ever fully ready. Hang in there...we are going through this together. __________________ WISH LIST!!!! Azur Speedy 30 - Got it! LV Black Lurex Scarf - Got it! Vernis Sunset Boulevarde in Pomme - Got it! Gucci Diaper Bag - Got it! Juicy Earrings - Got it! Chanel Lambskin Flap w/sh Monogram Pink Denim Shawl Monogram Eva Red Epi Lockit Keepall 55 Monogram Toilette Manhattan GM Diamond Accent Ring Chanel Sunnies Dream Bag(s): Chanel Jumbo White Flap w/GH or Black GST w/GH!

May 16th, 2008, 08:32 AM	#4
Alidoll Member Location: Bonnie Scotland	Re: How do you know you're ready? When I was younger I focused on trying to get my career going (University undergraduate then postgraduate courses). Met my DH and we both agreed to see a bit of the world. I was never what you'd call "maternal". Yeah, I like kids - so long as I can hand them back at the end of the day. Now I'm 37 and just finished my 6th round of clomid. Every month has been torture - the deflated look on my DH face when yet another month ends in failure. Both of us have been tested and there is no "obvious" reason for it not to happen but I'm on day 28 and I've started getting my usual cramp so looks like this month hasn't been successful either. Got an appt on Monday with my consultant to see where we go from here. I'm now officially too old for IVF on the NHS so would have to pay for treatment. I hate needles so the thought of having to self inject terrifies me. My boss has just had twins (she's in her 40's so I'm guessing it wasn't a natural conception...she was really early at 26 weeks and the twins are still in the neo-natal unit). My neighbour also has just had twins and the thought of that also scares me. DH is desparate for a child (he's an only child). I'd dearly love to be able to give him the child her longs for but it might never happen... So, please don't leave it too late. Yes there have been major advances in medicine but the older you get, the more risks for the baby and for you. Babydust floating your way!!

May 16th, 2008, 08:36 AM	#5
fashion16 Member	Re: How do you know you're ready? Interesting question.... I never wanted children when I was young. I was always career driven, not family driven. In high school, all my friends wanted to get married & have babies after college....I wanted to move to NYC and wear power suits 6 days a week. I got married and still had no desire to have children. Now I realize it was because I was with the wrong man and I was too selfish...and young. My second husband and I have been married for 2.5 years, TTC for 1 year now. When you know, you know. As soon as I married him, I knew that I wanted to have children with him, it was just a matter of timing. There will always be things that concern you such as ... can we afford it, will I be a good mom, is our relationship solid, who stays home w/ the baby etc. but when the urge kicks in, you find all your fears will calm down. (at least they did for me)

May 16th, 2008, 11:19 AM	#6
tabbyco Quirrel! Location: Right Coast	Re: How do you know you're ready? We were in the same situation, and in all honesty I am a little creeped out at how all consumed my friends become once they have children. It scares me that all the sudden I won't really give a rip about anything other than my kid. But on the other side, I feel like it is something I will never understand until I experience it. I am really curious to see what it is to love something more than yourself. I think everything else will take care of itself... One piece of advice I would give having put off TTC for 2 years is don't over think it. Just stop using BC and let it happen. I really thought I could control it (I wanted to get pg in May so I could have Feb baby- doesn't look like thats happening again), but we've been trying for a year, so don't assume that it will happen right way (but it probably will). Best of luck! __________________

May 16th, 2008, 01:28 PM	#7
illinirdhd Sofa King Hooked Location: Las Vegas, NV	Re: How do you know you're ready? Thanks for all the advice - it's really reassuring to know that lots of women feel like I do. tabbyco, I know you're right about conception dates. I guess since being on the pill very diligently for soooo long, I've always assumed that I'd be able to get pregnant in 2 seconds flat. I know that's not always the case, but it sure kept me taking my BC! DH is already asking about stopping the pill. His sister is an internal medicine doctor, and she finally told him that there's no need to get off the pill for a few months first, so he's relaxed a little. I'm going to start prenatal vitamins soon and then probably stop the pill after my next package. It's a little scary... __________________

May 16th, 2008, 02:06 PM	#8
tabbyco Quirrel! Location: Right Coast	Re: How do you know you're ready? ^^ You are already so much further ahead than alot of people... Some people get surprised with a pregnancy and haven't put the thought and consideration into such a life changing event that you already have. __________________

May 16th, 2008, 02:32 PM	#9
illinirdhd Sofa King Hooked Location: Las Vegas, NV	Re: How do you know you're ready? It's funny - I see kids running around like wild animals in parking lots and running out in the street with their parents either nowhere to be seen or totally ignoring what the kid is doing. And I always think that I'd be a MUCH better parent than that. But then I think I'm soooooo unprepared for the responsibility. I'm almost 31, married, have a good income, a few bucks in the bank, no criminal record, etc etc etc, and I feel unprepared. How does a 19 year old single girl do it? I guess we do what we have to, but I think I'd rather be over prepared than under. __________________

May 16th, 2008, 02:40 PM	#10
wasabipea Member	Re: How do you know you're ready? The older we get the more we think that kids and responsibilities that come along with them may affect our lifestyles. I don't believe there's a 'litmus' test of any kind that can show you signs that you're ready, but you do have a few of the foundations to start a family; you're financially stable and you have a supportive partner. Best of luck!!

May 16th, 2008, 06:12 PM	#13
illinirdhd Sofa King Hooked Location: Las Vegas, NV	Re: How do you know you're ready? I would love to have twins! I keep telling DH that we are going to. I figure I can have a c-section, get my tubes tied and have a plastic surgeon on hand for an instant tummy tuck, and then we'll be done! Each of us has a cousin with new twins - his last Thanksgiving and mine about 3 months ago. He says we're not having twins, but I'll pray for them anyway! __________________

May 16th, 2008, 07:47 PM	#14
lorenzo94580 Member	Re: How do you know you're ready? ^^Well then from one twin mommy to other hopeful twin mommies-- Twin babies dust your way!! Last edited by lorenzo94580; May 16th, 2008 at 07:59 PM.

May 17th, 2008, 02:29 PM	#15
tabbyco Quirrel! Location: Right Coast	Re: How do you know you're ready? My dad keeps wishing twins on us, and with the likelihood of IVF us for us, it will probably happen and it scares the crap out of me!! Tell me its not that bad lorenzo94580.... __________________