Why is eveyone telling me I can't just have one child?

  1. Before we had our baby, I had it in my head that I'd like to have 2 kids. My hubby didn't mind having 2 or none, if that's what I wanted. After we had our 1st baby, I didn't want anymore kids. I had a very traumatic birthing experience, very bad baby blues, and I'm almost 35 and a whole bunch of other reasons.

    I was sad that I didn't want anymore kids because I kept thinking that if something happened to my husband & I, our son wouldn't have anyone. But my husband brought up some good points: (1) our son would have his own family some day, (2) having a sibling doesn't always mean they'll be close (because my brother & I barely talk).

    Our little guy is now 10 months old. Not too soon after he was born, people started asking when we were going to have our 2nd. My answer was always that we're happy with just one and the response I always get is a funny look, followed by "you can't just have one". And I always seem to feel that I have to defend why we're happy with just one. It's very frustrating to hear this over and over again.

    Is anyone is a similar situation? What are your responses when people say you can't just have one?
  2. I understand your frustrations to a certain degree. I am sure that people are not trying to intentionally offend you in any way, and yet I'm sure it can be irritating after awhile. People say the same thing to me, and I don't have any kids. But when I say it'll most likely be one (it may be two, who knows) they same the exact same thing to me.

    The only advice I have is to maybe give a short answer as to why and then change the conversation. Don't feel like you need to explain your entire situation to everyone.
  3. I think it's fine if parents only choose to have one child. I am an only child, and our daughter may very well remain an only child. You don't have to have more children.

    Some people think that only children are spoiled brats, don't know how to share, play with other kids, won't have anyone to talk to when they're older, etc. And I don't think that's true. With the right upbringing and surrounding your child with love, affection, and teaching them how to play with other children (ie. playgroups) they'll be fine.
  4. im an only child and im 24 and it was never a issue with me growing up i always had cousins or friends to play with and still to this day when people find out im an only child they are jealous cause i had no one to bother or annoy me at home and i was fairly spoiled but in a good way im not a spoiled brat i appreciate everything my parents done so dont feel under pressure to have a second child cause i dont have any problem being an only child
  5. people are so full of sh*t when it comes to raising kids and what women should and shouldn't do. they should mind their own business!
    unfortunately, lots of people have silly ideas about only children but the truth is i've yet to meet an only child that fits the typical stereotype. but i've known plenty of spoiled brats that had siblings! there are no rules, there is no 'right' or 'wrong' number of children to have (wait, visions of the duggars and their fundie offspring just came to mind... let's just say, within reason, and as long as you have the means to support them and give them enough love and attention). if having one child feels right to you, then have only one and don't listen to what people have to say. next time they ask you when you're having the next, say you're not and that one's enough for you, and say it in a tone that means you're not discussing it any further.
    people used to ask me a ton of questions when i told them how many siblings i have (i'm the eldest of 5). they would usually assume that my parents were either religious freaks, or divorced and 5 was the total number between them and their other spouses. when in fact my parents were neither religious nor divorced, they just liked kids.
  6. It's really up to you. Having a sibling is nice. I know all 3 of my boys are very close, even though spread apart in age....but there are well adjusted happy people who are only children.

    As someone else already said people are always going to have opinions on what you should and shouldn't do about kids, ignore them and do what's best for you :smile:
  7. it's simple. . .
    people have BIG mouths! LOL!

    I agree, no one means anything bad, they just can't help themsleves {can't help their big mouths}

    It's ALWAYS something. For example, I already had one DD when I got pregnant w/ my twins everyone said "Oh good, now you can be done."

    Ummm, WTF? There's a written rule that when you have 3 you're done, or if you get pregnant w/ twins you're done?

    It all comes back to people not being able to think outside THEIR little box.:rolleyes:
  8. Yeah, I know. I have a friend who had three boys and people told her she was all set. She divorced and remarried, and when she was having her fourth some people were like, "Well, this one's for your new hub, but four kids is a big family - better stop now!"

    Now she has two more - six kids altogether, and she loves them.

    Liek Swanky says, people do try to put you in their box.
  9. i am an only child, for that reason i chose to have 2 children

    but it is nobody's business how many children you choose to have. i wouldn't even worry about what they say.

    enjoy your family and do not worry about "outside influences"
  10. This gets me peeved all the time. DD is 18 months old and people keep telling DH and me that it's the perfect time to get pregnant again. And that I shouldn't wait too long because my kids may have a hard time getting along.WTF?!
  11. i think you should do what's the best for you and your family. i am an only child and my hubby is an only child too but that doesnt mean that we are going to have more than 1. as i always say to other people, i will see how well it goes with the first child before i start considering having another.

    but i must admit, i was quite lonely growing up.
  12. Opinions are like a$$h0les...everybody's got one! I have one daughter and she'll be 4yrs old this Sunday. DH's family always asks when we're having more kids. His family is large, as he's one of seven children (in the US anyway) and each sibling has several children (2-3 per sibling), so we get that a lot. I find single children do tend to be a bit more selfish however that applies to children who are not the only child as well. I was the only girl growing up (I have a 5yr old sis now) and I'm not big into sharing because I never had to share. My mom doesn't share either. She was the only girl. Her motto is, "I'll buy you one, but don't ask for mine!" LOL Having multiple kids doesn't ensure them to be more likely to share. I do notice selfishness in my daughter, but as an only child why would she share? She can have all the "play dates" in the world, but everything at home really is hers so she never has to share. Sorry about the rant...but I'll tell you DH's response: "Are you paying for our children? Until you are, don't constantly ask if we're having another child!" He's has an aggressive personality, but I agree. BTW we decided to work on having #2 but we recently decided this. For a long time we only thought we'd have one. The less children you have (unless you're VERY rich) the better you can afford to educate them and afford more luxuries for you as well as them (hey...we are on a purse forum...). I don't knock those with large families, but the financial impact and level of care for a large number of children would not make me a pleasant person to be around!
  13. It's a ridiculously personal question to ask. If a guy asks me "When are you having your next child?" I'm tempted to say "Why, are you offering?". If a women asks me when, I'm tempted to turn to my DH and say "Honey, when are having SEX next in order to have another baby?"

    Seriously! It's such a personal question!! Some people cringe from talking about their sex lives, but they feel perfectly comfortable asking when you're going to have another baby! Ludicrous!
  14. I agree with everyone else. You just have to take the opinions of others with a grain of salt. There is nothing wrong with one child if that is what makes your family complete! Everyone wants to push people to have more than one, but it isn't them who has to go through pregnancy, birth, change the diapers and put that child through college! On other words, it is no one else's business. Personally, I think only children are just as likely to be happy and well-adjusted as children from larger families.

    When I was pregnant with my third everyone said, "Oh, I'll be hoping you have a girl!" I told them I would be just as happy with either a boy or a girl and they looked at me like I was an alien. Others asked if I would try for a girl one more time if my third was a boy. Unbelievable! It turns out I DID have a girl, but I would have been perfectly content and my family would have been complete with three children - all boys or not!
  15. ITA! i'm an only child, as well! & pretty much what she says sums up my life! :]

    don't let others make you second guess you and your hubby's decision. do what's right for u 2! .. but ultimately your son will be just fine being an only child! :]