What should I do? I'm so hurt. (long)

  1. I don't know if this belongs here, but I feel the need to vent, or I'll go crazier than I already am..

    (sorry it's so long in advanced.)


    I'm 19 years old full time college student, and working almost full time. I'm a dedicated person to my family and friends. And I'm pretty old school. (I'm the girl next door. I always bring cookies to work and to my neighbors. THAT kind of girl. So when you read this, keep that in mind. I'm not used to/nor like this type of thing..) This summer I quit my job and didn't take summer school for the first time (since elementary school) so I could actually enjoy my summer. Also because at my old job this dishwasher told me to "suck my D!&%" I then reported to to my manager(S) they spoke with him and his girlfriend. He denied it, and she was yapping up a storm talking crap about me. And how I'm lying. (why would I lie about something like this??!) My bosses said they fired him. I had the next two days off, and when I returned he was there. Not only that, but his girlfriend. Needless to say I finished my day at work, called them when I got home and quit. I didn't feel the need to give my two weeks notice. They lied to me and put me through an uncomfortable day working with the couple. (she even had the nerve to come up to me and smile [when 2 days prior she was cussing me out in the middle of the restaurant. my regular customers came and consoled me because I was crying in the restroom] and ask me what was wrong.)

    So towards the end of the summer, my fiance's sister asks me if I needed a job. I asked why, and she said because her friend had a job opening as a manager at his motorcycle shop. I thought it would be good because it's easy, I'll have a desk, chair, computer, and it goes with my full time college schedule. I was just scared though that it might not be as professional as I'd like because it's more on a friends terms because of how I got the job and who we both know. Plus, it's a bike shop. A lot of older dirty perverts! So, I go in for an interview anyway, and in the interview he asks why I left my old job. I told him why. He said what that guy did was wrong and blah blah. As days past, I realize the job isn't as professional as I had liked. He starts to curse at me. And talk about my breast and how large they are for such a small asian girl. He tells people I'm single, (I'm almost freakin married geez!) just so they can feel like they can flirt, and that way they'd buy more crap for their bikes, I always stood up and told them I wasn't single. (I am so proud to be taken to a great man.) But it's bothering to have to defend myself so much. Because he talks down upon me (sexually) his customers (and friends there) talk down upon me. An example is, I was doing a project he wanted to work on in the bike shop, but my back was faced the door so I couldn't tell when people entered the store, so he would tell me, "Missie, someone's here. Go to the front." But when his friends/customers were there he's say, "Hey, go pretend you fu*&ing work here and go help them." All the guys would laugh and I'd just go in and do what he asked. And for about over 2 months, he's been trying to pull my shirt off/down, and my pants. He got my pants down where my butt showed, and my underwear was showing and his customer started to laugh and talk sexual crap to me. So I got mad, and just ignored him for the rest of the day and the next day. I didn't go out of my way to be friendly to people because they'd just be buttholes to me. He then told me, "What's your problem?? Next time your going to come into work with a pissy attitude, just stay home." I got over it, and just went on... Time passed and he started to try to touch my breast and say sexual things to me again, worst than ever. When I would start that I was hungry, his customers/friends would say, "Would you like some tube steak?" (Meaning their penis) I'm thinking, didnt I just tell you I quit my last job because someone told me to suck their d*&^? When my boss would try to touch me, I'd hit him to block him. Somehow we just started a hitting war, and I would be so mad, I'd hit him so hard. But he thought I was just being cute I guess.

    He would also make comments on private personal things between me and my fiance. He would say things about our sex life (which I keep VERY private, I don't even talk to my best friends about things like that.) He would say he saw private pictures of my fiance, and about how I'm a bad partner in the bedroom. All these things to my facem and to his customers. He would also find out things that happen in the house from the sister. Things that was done for jokes between my boyfriend and her, and she leaked it to him. And he would tell it to me over and over (for months) and say it to the customers/friends.

    Sometime my fiance would come by and drop me off lunch and stuff, and my boss would be rude to him, telling him that he was "whipped" over me, and to be a man. (My fiance is just THAT kind hearted to bring me lunch. Can't help it if my boss isnt!) My boss didn't like it when people saw I was taken I guess..

    So yesterday I was on a quad, moving the handle bars so he could push it in the garage shop, and he went behind me and pulled my pony tail. All the way til I almost fell off. My back was more than fully bent back, (plus, my backs so bad, it runs in my family. My dad had to get surgery.) And he wasn't supporting my back. Today, his friend/customer came behind me and did a chock hold on my neck. I couldn't breathe (I have breathing problems. Ashma, my lungs the size of a 8 year old (my braething peak is only at 37, when normal adults are at 85-90) and my heart beat is irregual, its too fast.) I told the guy it hurt, and he needed to stop. It really really hurt. He didn't. I heard something pop, I don't know if it was maybe his ring on ring, or bracelet on bracelet, or my jaw.. It hurt for over 2 hours.. and is still hurting now. That was the last straw for me. Two bad, physical things...

    I called my Mom on my lunch.. I only told her once last week a little snippet of the drama. I don't like to be dramaful. She was beyond mad and told me to never ever go back. She told me to quit. And she wants to press charges.. I'm unsure if I want to press charges though, because after all, my boss is my (future) sister in laws friend.

    So tomorrow is my last day of work, I'll be leaving him a letter. He has no idea. (tomorrow's also pay day!!) He'll be alone for Saturday. Our other worker is on his honeymoon. Oh well I guess??

    I'm not sure what I want to do. I'm so emotional pained, and physically now. I cry a lot, and am not in a good mood after work. My fiance hates him. He never says hi anymore to him. Just drops off my food. AND I try to have him not do it often because I know he gets frustrated just seeing my boss. I'm so hurt, why do I always get stuck with rude people?? I'm not the type of girl who is mean, I'm really nice. And keep to myself. I don't like to mix work with friends. It's hard and I just try to avoid it. If work became friends and we fell apart, it would affect the work environment. It's happened before. Sometimes there are exceptions, but it's always tough. Anyways, I'm sorry this was so long. I'm just so lost and hurt. All I wanna do is isolate myself...:crybaby:


    (hopefully this all made sense, I'm not sure what I wrote and I'm sure there are many errors, but between tears and sniffles, I don't want to proof read this.)
     
  2. I'm sorry you are going through this! But, may I ask, why did you stay with the job one minute after your boss began to verbally abuse you? You should've quit immediately IMO. The longer you stayed, the more he felt free to treat you badly.
     
  3. RUN AWAY FROM THAT PLACE!
    UGH! I would NEVER take that kind of crap from ANYONE..U poor thing....Walk away!There are MANY BETTER jobs out there for u!
     
  4. What an awful thing to go thru. It's good that you're finally leaving. Take some time to take care of yourself first and just be glad you won't ever have to go back there.
     
  5. If this is true, there is no doubt in my mind that you need to press charges. This is a series of very unfortunate events that you allowed to go on for too long. It is time to put your foot down. I am sorry this happened to you. **HUGS**

    You need to gather up your courage and face this head on. What your boss has done is simply not right and he may well have thought he could take advantage of you because of your demeanor. I am Asian as well and have my own tendency to keep things to myself and to internalize emotions rather than to take actions, especially if I were wronged. Sexual harassment is very serious and it is something no one should stand for, especially since you're sustaining injuries from it! You have grounds to press charges. I'm getting angrier by the minute as I'm typing this! And leave that place ASAP!!

    Please let us know what happens...
     
  6. What a F#*kin A$$hole!! I would quit right away!! I am so sorry this happened to you:sad:... My mom went through the same abuse by her boss. He was such a JACK ASS. He would always yell at my mom. Talk about sexual things in front of her, and she would hate that sooo much... The company really liked my mom and really needed her.. Even her boss knew she was such a hard worker.. She used to come back crying all the time.. It broke my heart looking at my mom crying all the time... I would always tell her to quit and that I would support her... She would cry even more because she didn't know how she can support my siblings and I.. So when she couldn't take it anymore she finally quit!! I was so happy and she was too.... So after that I helped find another job, and she is soo much more happier.. She never cries anymore... And she loves her job, and she gets along with her co workers.... So i strongly suggest you quit, and find another job...
     
  7. I don't think you should be hurt, you shouldn't be hitting your boss and he SHOULDN'T BE TOUCHING YOU. What is the matter with you that you allow yourself to be treated this way repeatedly? Being a "goodgirl" has it's place and it certainly doesn't mean you should be subjected to sexual harassment on several occasions. Did you document some of the things that happened. Take some power back and press charges, hopefully you have some proof, bruises, in store video camera to document it. At the very minimum quit and don't feel bad, feel angry that you were treated in such a poor mannner. Its a terrible thing, I don't think there should be a question about what to do, the fact that you are unsure about pressing charges makes me feel bad for you.
     
  8. Quit now. Don't worry about that a$$hole.
     
  9. Everything you mentioned constitutes SEXUAL HARASSMENT. Even if he hadn't touched you, talking about sexual things that make you uncomfortable classifies as sexual harassment. You need to LEAVE NOW and PRESS CHARGES. He's just going to continue such behavior towards women until someone stops him, and that could be you.

    I'm sorry you had to endure all of this, but being a good girl doesn't mean you have to let people step all over you like that. There's limits; and you could benefit from being a tad more assertive. Good luck!! A big hug.
     
  10. I can't believe he would do that to you...what a a$$hole!!
    If you want to press charges i would document every thing that happened day/ time everything!!!!
    Im glad your quiting...you don't have to put up with that
    Have you told your fiance know what is going on?
    Your boss is doing is SEXUALLY HARASSING YOU!!
     
  11. OH my gosh!!! I would have quit from the VERY FIRST incident. They are sexually harrassing you. Press charges and find yourself a lawyer and sue their as*es!!!!! Don't worry about the sister-in-law, I am sure if she was put through what this man did to you, she wouldn't be very happy either. As for being the "good girl", that is great and all, but when someone tries to take advantage of that, you really need to stick up for yourself and show that you are not vulnerable. Honestly, I wouldn't even go tomorrow, don't give him a notice or nothing, instead I would be at the police and lawyer's tomorrow. And don't worry if they won't give you your paycheck or not, they are required by law to do so, so if they wouldn't give it to you, they are only getting themselves deeper than what they are already in. Please do something about this situation, you have been violated and it's not right. Good luck!
     
  12. Oh my gosh. What a b@st@rd. If I were you, I would RUN from that place as fast as I could and get some type of legal assistance ASAP. Let us know what happens.
     
  13. Oh I'm so sorry this happened to you! Get yourself out of that hateful place- you deserve better!
     

  14. No one should hit their boss, but its different because its not like normal grounds. If it was any other boss I would have quit, yelled, and sued him. But because its like a friend of the sis-in-law (whos becoming some what romantically involved its harder) I dont like to create drama. My fiance does know, and it takes him a lot to muster up and go to drop off food for me at work, so I always try to tell him not to. You have no idea how much I heard it from my fiance. I was already feeling sad after work, then hearing him get mad about it.. Didn't always make it better, ya know.. Sometimes people just need to vent/talk and not hear anything in return but get a hug.. I needed that and he tries not to get mad anymore. He was so upset he wanted to go there and stab him with the box cutters we have at work.

    Another reason why I don't like to press charges is because of bad experience. It's personal and I really didn't want to tell the whole world, but when I was younger (elementary school) I was molest (for about 2-3 years, a baby sitter.) and the bastard fled the country. Nothing happened of it. Even another girl got sexually assaulted. If she testified when I had asked, we could have catch him before he left the country. And I remember just how nervous and scared I was to testify, and when I was in counseling I remember how I had to prepare and how petrified I was. I still to this day get that feeling when I have to do anything with court.. Even for the interview for jury duty.. Geez, even just getting the summons letter for jury duty. I get all those feelings again and it just makes me sick to my stomach. Thinking of testifying just scares me deeply. And yes I would love to put him in his place so he could never do it again to anyone, it's the "right" thing to do. But emotionally, I'd break down and I think I'd go even more crazy. I know that sounds just plain pathetic, but I'm pretty emotional and I think it'll break me up and I'll be a hermit.

    I like to believe Karma will take care of this. He definitely wont be going to heaven. It's okay, his life obviously isnt that great. When I break down up life, he has no family. (everyone passed on) and I think he hasn't learned how to cope with it. And he's unhappy with it. And he's not satisfied with his life, thats why he has to put on an act in front of his friends. Trying to be hard core and "cool". Because it's all an act, he has no personality. Very sad. He's life will take him no where. He has admitted to trust issues, thats why he says he's never really had a girlfriend. (just sleeping buddies, which imo is dirty.) its oblivious he has many more issues than that.

    I know some of you may be judging me, and I just wanted to say I usually am not this easy to walk all over. I've been know for being the girl who always speaks her opinion, its just when anything with testifying comes up, those feelings come up again. Ackkk, just typing this I'm getting those queezy feelings again and I want to throw up all the memories..
     
  15. I have no pictures or anything, he never did anything like that to leave a mark.