What is your opinion of prenups?

coco-nut said:
I don't really see them for young people, unless one of them has enormous assets or a stake in a family business. If one just has a liklihood of success, that's not a good enough reason.

But for older people who have accumulated a lot or have children from a previous marriage, I think they are essential. Children's college funds and legacies need to be protected, as do the retirement funds of people who don't have many more working years left.

Well put.
 
I have a prenup, but it was done for different reasons that you might think. My husband went through a very ugly divorce about ten years ago. His ex wife, to put it bluntly, is a greedy b----. We lived together for 9 years before getting married recently, and I have my own assets that I worked for before our marriage, and even before we met. My assets also include an inheritance. Since my husband has children, this can leave my assets open to be targeted by his ex wife. (Yes, this is true, kids.) My husband paid alimony for several years and also generously supports his children, even though one of them has been a legal adult for two years. (And he should!) However, should something happen to him while his younger child is still a minor, his ex could come after our joint assets and/or my assets. I wanted it made very clear when we got married that I am not responsible for the financial support of his children should anything happen to him, and that my assets were mine before the marriage and will not be intermingled with his. My husband actually suggested I do this just because his ex has a history of dragging him into court for more money. Its ironic because so many women get NOTHING from the fathers of their kids, and my husband really cares about his kids. He has sacrificed to make sure they are provided for GENEROUSLY. I guess some people are just vindictive. Anyway, I did the prenup to protect myself from the possibility of her coming after ME- albeit the chances are probably slim, I feel better that I did it. With all the divorces and re-marriages nowadays, my lawyer told me these kinds of prenups are becoming more and more common.
 
Forget love and trust and friendship; how many of you would take a job without signing an employment contract? Would you start a business with a friend without getting the particulars in writing? It's very easy to think of a pre- or post-nuptial agreement as diminishing the romance inherent in the ideals of marriage, but both parties should make the very important distinction that marriage is also a civil partnership. There are rights and benefits afforded to you by the marriage license which should be protected. It's what the movement for gay marriage is all about, after all. My college friends and I are co-owners of our own company, but we didn't let our years of friendship get in the way of defining our legal responsibilities and rights to the company. Nor does the pre-nuptial agreement I signed with my husband change the fact that we married to signify our love and mutual admiration for each other.

As my grandmother used to say, you can trust in $DIETY, but you'd better lock your car doors.
 
It's a matter of preference, it depends on your personal views on the constitution of marriage.


I'm more of a practical person than romantic, and I don't feel a pre-nup gets in the way of love, trust, and a joint union. I'd probably prefer separate accounts too, if I ever got married.

Bf balked at the idea when I first brought it up as a conversation topic. He thought it was tacky, tasteless, and an indication that the marriage would be doomed from the start.

It's not neccessarily the case, but with divorce rates in N.America at 50%, it's always better to protect both sides. If he's staying in the marriage 40 years from now, I'd like to think it's because he loves me, and it's not because he'll lose "his" money if we divorce. If it's the latter, I'd rather not hold him hostage anyways and we're better off if he goes.

Plus, I have a large future inheritance, and he's due to inherit a large sum of land back in Yugoslavia. No matter who I end up with, I will force him to sign a pre-nup.
 
Roo said:
I have a prenup, but it was done for different reasons that you might think. My husband went through a very ugly divorce about ten years ago. His ex wife, to put it bluntly, is a greedy b----. We lived together for 9 years before getting married recently, and I have my own assets that I worked for before our marriage, and even before we met. My assets also include an inheritance. Since my husband has children, this can leave my assets open to be targeted by his ex wife. (Yes, this is true, kids.) My husband paid alimony for several years and also generously supports his children, even though one of them has been a legal adult for two years. (And he should!) However, should something happen to him while his younger child is still a minor, his ex could come after our joint assets and/or my assets. I wanted it made very clear when we got married that I am not responsible for the financial support of his children should anything happen to him, and that my assets were mine before the marriage and will not be intermingled with his. My husband actually suggested I do this just because his ex has a history of dragging him into court for more money. Its ironic because so many women get NOTHING from the fathers of their kids, and my husband really cares about his kids. He has sacrificed to make sure they are provided for GENEROUSLY. I guess some people are just vindictive. Anyway, I did the prenup to protect myself from the possibility of her coming after ME- albeit the chances are probably slim, I feel better that I did it. With all the divorces and re-marriages nowadays, my lawyer told me these kinds of prenups are becoming more and more common.

I am glad you mentioned the ex thing. A lot of young ladies don't know that the ex wife (or hubby for that matter) can come back for mone money when you get married especially if the wife is working or has money. The ex can now get more money from the new wife. It is insane. Protect yourself! I had a bunch of stock options and 2 rental properties when I married and I had a prenup that essentially stated that in the event of a divorce he got none of it.
 
I'd sign a pre-nup without any problems. I've always said that I wouldn't want something from someone that they worked their whole life for. I'd gladly sign a pre-nup.

I've been a Paralegal for 12 years, and have prepared more pre-nups than I could count. They're not as solid and fool-proof as they seem. My ex-boss, a divorce attorney who never lost a case, prepared his own 13 page pre-nup agreement. During his divorce, his wife fought the pre-nup, and ended up getting quite a pretty penny out of him anyway.
 
that was your ex bosses first mistake.. doing his own prenup.. Silly man!


chihuahuaqueen said:
I'd sign a pre-nup without any problems. I've always said that I wouldn't want something from someone that they worked their whole life for. I'd gladly sign a pre-nup.

I've been a Paralegal for 12 years, and have prepared more pre-nups than I could count. They're not as solid and fool-proof as they seem. My ex-boss, a divorce attorney who never lost a case, prepared his own 13 page pre-nup agreement. During his divorce, his wife fought the pre-nup, and ended up getting quite a pretty penny out of him anyway.
 
It's a hard question to answer. It depends on the scenario. If it is a first marriage for both I don't think it's a good idea. If it is a second marriage for both and there are children involved it might be a good idea. It really depends on who is involved and what is at stake.
 
I have a pre-nup. Both DH and I are in late 20s. We've always been able to communicate openly, so we discussed about the pros and cons about signing a pre-nup. We decided to sign a pre-nup to protect ourselves. We are happily married and of course we hope that we will never get a divorce, but we are also realistic, afterall divorces happen everyday.
 
My former marriage ended in a divorce -- totally cordial and amiable. My ex and I are still good friends and we take mutual delight in our son. My current marriage is very happy. I have not had a prenup either time. HOWEVER, if I ever were to marry again I would have one. It forces the parties to articulate what they think their respective roles are, what each contributes to the partnership. Some people have said it denotes a lack of trust upfront, but on the contrary, it gets all the cards on the table so there can be trust and properly calibrated expectations. If my son were getting married I would want him to have an explicit understanding, if not an actual prenup.
 
I think when most hear "pre-nup" people automatically think of assets. True for the most part, but do you want to be liable for your soon-to-be-ex's liabilities prior to marriage? Paying stuff off with checkbooks in both names sometimes implies both liable.

I had a house prior to marriage and I kept my sister's name on title. If I were to die, I don't want my husband to take the equity (say $600k+) and buy another house with his new wife? (Most men remarry) That money is for my kids.

We pay the mortgage on my m-in-laws house, the title was under the name of my husband, his mother, and one sister. Took me a year, but I got them off the title and we ended up refinancing and got my name on title. My blood and sweat is for my kids, noone else.

I think pre-nup is good idea to protect assets, liabilities, and for your kids too.
 
chihuahuaqueen said:
They're not as solid and fool-proof as they seem. My ex-boss, a divorce attorney who never lost a case, prepared his own 13 page pre-nup agreement. During his divorce, his wife fought the pre-nup, and ended up getting quite a pretty penny out of him anyway.

This is true. In my own case, the ex wife could still litigate to come after a peice of my income, but it would cost her a LOT of money to do it and I'd fight her. That is what my lawyer said was most useful- not that the prenup is particularly foolproof, but that it will cost her a lot of dough to try to get around it. And because I know the way her brain work$, I know she won't want to spend the money on lawyers.