We hate her, until she's dying...

  1. My boyfriend just called to say he's going to the hospital today instead of going to work. A family member was in an accident and is dying.

    The first thing I said (I rock at tact): "Isn't this the family member everyone hates?" Him: "Yes, but don't say that. It's family."

    Honestly. I've heard so many bad things about this family member. I've never met her. They haven't let me meet her. She's done horrible things and says horrible things.

    But now, as she's dying, everyone flocks to her.

    Am I the only one who finds this ridiculous?

    I suppose it's the natural reaction. And perhaps more a reaction towards someone you knowing well dying - which is kind of a shock to the system no matter your relationship to them. A reminder that we're mortal, if you will.

    Just a rant. :s
     
  2. I have an aunt that EVERYONE in my family can't stand. She talks crap to all of us. She disrespects and treats my grandmother list sh!t. She talks her crap to everyone in our family. She bad mouths my cousin, my sister and I. She has told our family back in Mexico that we are a bunch of whores. If this happended to her, I WOULD NEVER GO SEE HER! I don't need to be around people like that.

    Don't get me wrong, there are some people that will say "It's family", but I wouldn't stand for it. Yes families argue and stop talking to each other but you get over it, kiss and make up.

    This is my personal opinion.
     
  3. WOW..Family is still family.No matter who they are or what they have done wrong.I dont think anyone deserves to die alone.....
    I used to work in a hospital with PHH..caring for dying patients.I cant begin to tell you how many patients hands Ive held as they died alone.It broke my heart . Forgiveness is KEY in life.
     
  4. ^^^ita
     
  5. It's easy to get on a high horse and say that some things are unforgivable. But I'm Buddhist, and we say that each person has their own karma, kwim? So if they have done bad things and hurt others, it's bad karma for them, but if you spread a little forgiveness it is good for you and the world.
     
  6. I've never had a very strong sense of family... so the "family is family" thing is lost on me.

    I guess my point is that things should be forgiven before someone is dying. I think it's pathetic that it takes a tragedy to bring people together.
     
  7. I can't say that I find it ridiculous at all. I can also say w/full confidence that how I might react to that situation when I was 20 would likely be different now that I'm close to 40.
    I think that we are always searching for forgiveness, understanding, compassion...some glimpse that someone will be change or be changed and it will be all made 'right'!
    It makes sense to me that as she faces her last days, family would want to be by her side in hopes that those final hours will be made 'right'....whatever that even means.
    I would rather go to someone's side during their last hours, that I didn't get along with, than error on the side of pride, and forever wish I had made a last effort or even shown my respects.
     
  8. You are so right. It's so unfortunate that we don't practice forgiveness before someone's about to die. It seems it's weddings and funerals that bring families back together.
     
  9. I have an aunt like that too, shes a drunk. i feel the same way as you do. :s :sad:
     
  10. Sometimes it takesa sense of one's own mortality for things to be put right. Who knows...the person who is dying may have put aside differences and made up with family just so she could die with peace of mind, and the other members of the family may have excused whatever behaviours on her part because she is dying.

    Unfortunately sometimes it does take a tragedy to bring people to their senses.
     
  11. I guess there's two ways you can look at it, the first being that it's totally hypocritical to suddenly change your attitude/opinion about someone because they're dying... and the second way is: Dude, the woman is dying, let's show some compassion. I do see merika's point however... maybe what it takes for her to realize how hurtful and awful she was in life is to die alone. Karma sucks, doesn't it?
     
  12. I agree to an extent. Family is definitely Family and I would be there for mine...But, if this family member, say, harmed my children or family members or others children, or something to that effect...I would try to the best of my ability to forgive them, but that doesn't mean I would neccasarily be there for them...I would honestly have to live it before I really know what i would do. If the person was just a drunk, well thats different. I have experienced that with my step-mom (her being an obnoxious drunk who said nothing but mean things). I was by her side until she died..for her, but mostly for the sake of my Father...
     
  13. I thyink compassion kicks in when someone is ill or dying & i think the family is right to go to her. It says a lot about them that they can be forgiving & support this lady in her last hours. When someone is nasty to others there is usually a great deal of hurt underneath. A person who is happy within themselves can only show love.
     
  14. When my husband's mom died we were all around her bedside. Moments after she died, a nurse came in and said, " I'm so sorry for your loss. She must have really been loved. I can't tell you how many people die here with no family and friends around them. She is blessed."

    I never forget the impact and importance of those words.
     
  15. You want to see hypocracy? If that person who is dying has money and a will, you ain't see NUTHIN yet !