We broke up...

  1. I don't normally get so personal on message boards (or online in general) but I felt like being open and honest about this might be somewhat therapeutic.

    Last night, my boyfriend of almost a year and I broke up. Actually, it's the second time we've broken up, but I know it has to be the last. I was starting to not feel the relationship anymore and I realized there were certain things that he needed, that I just wasn't able to give him at this point of my life. I have to get ready to start college, and I have to do well and not have any distractions.

    It was so hard hearing him cry when I finally broke down and told him last night. I think that's what hurts the most, is that I hurt someone I truly cared about and loved. I miss him so much, but I know I can't go back this time. It's not fair to him, but I'm just trying to figure out how to help myself. I know things will get better later on, it's just right now that I'm having the hardest time with.

    Any words of encouragement, anything at all would be very much appreciated. :sad:
  2. If you've been going out a year and you were starting to not feel the relationship, then it's best you broke it off now before you let it go even longer.... to the point where you were too comfortable with him to break it off. ya know?

    I'msure it hurts now, but it'll get better with time. College changes your life... and maybe it's best that you're not tied down to someone while experiencing new things at school.

    Good luck!
  3. Are you definitely sure you can't keep the relationship alive while doing college? If it's meant to be, you two will find each other again.

    College does change you so that might be a good thing. My BF and I met in college 6 years ago and are still together. He transferred to another college but we were still seeing each other just about everyday except for holidays and summer and breaks. We've been seeing each other every few weeks for the past two years.

    It can work if you want it to but it's not gonna be easy at all. You have to find a common ground on what you both want and in such situations, sometimes the best thing to do is to let go. Follow your heart.
  4. ^^ Good points.

    If you love him... going to college isn't a really legit reason to break up with him. I also have been doing a long distance thing with my boyfriend for the past almost 4 years... it can work... and yea, it's difficult like Kathyrose said.

    I'm curious what these things were that he needed that you couldn't give him? Sometimes a relationship means putting your needs and wants aside and compromising for a person....

    I dunno.. I'm reading your post again... and im' getting mixed signals. If you love him, make things work... if you don't... and you're not "feeling it"... then you made the right decision.
  5. It wasn't just about college. He's the kind of person that wants his girlfriend all to himself. That meant, that everytime I wanted to go out with my friends, I was interrogated. The idea of me going to college scared him as well because all he could think about was how I was going to be meeting new people. It was the insecurity that made me want to leave. I wasn't feeling any trust in the relationship anymore. If it were just college, I would have stuck it out. It was just so much more than that. He wanted me to be completely devoted to him in every way, all at once. I'm only 18, I'm not ready for it.
  6. I am in my 40's, so here is some 'Mommy' advice: I know it's hard now but it will pass, both for you and him. You did the right thing not hanging on if you're not completely sure. Have a great time at college and try to experience life to the fullest.
  7. so you did the right thing.

    Keep yourself busy and you'll both get over it eventually. His interrogations probably would've driven you over the edge ifyou stayed together through college anyway.
  8. I'm older (much older) and I'm sending (((hugs))) to you. Right now you are feeling so bad, but trite as it sounds, it will get better with time. College is a time to really experience life, learning, meeting all kinds of new people--you don't need to be constantly reassuring your boyfriend. That's not your job.

    You are very mature to realize that his insecurities are something he needs to deal with. The interrogation part bothers me--we all need time apart from our partners. I've been married a long time and we give each other space--thank goodness, or I would go crazy if we were "joined at the hip" like some couples I've seen.

    It hurts a lot and that's normal. Give yourself time to mourn this loss and then move on to become the person you are meant to be. You are not responsible for anyone else's happiness.
  9. If you can realise all those stuff, then you already know what you want and what you don't want in life and in a relationship. :jammin: I'm proud of you even though I don't know you. I see so many gals not realise this even in their 20s and its heartening to see someone like your age so mature. It's gonna hurt for awhile, but its all for the best and you did the right thing! Keep concentrating on your future and with school. It'll take your mind off stuff too. :flowers:
  10. He called me this morning while he was at work crying. I can't believe this is even happening. I don't even know how to handle this and I can't believe how sad I've made him. I feel like such a terrible person :cry:
  11. He might be devastated that "you're leaving him" in a way. :sad: Do what your heart tells you. In the end, you have to do what makes you happy.
  12. I'm just trying to relax. I need to pull myself together cause here I am at work, and I can't stop crying.
  13. im sorry, i know how hard it is =( but you are doing the right thing. if ur heart isnt into it anymore, staying with him would just lead him on. and if its meant to be, it will happen.
  14. i am so sorry to hear about your break-up.. things are tough right now, so i recommend that you spend a good amount of time with ppl whom you trust and value.. try to do things that will make you laugh.. even if its pathetic laughing, go ahead and do that... other things that can keep you distracted is good too... i hope things improve for you soon... hang in there...
  15. OK, like the other poster, I am in my 40's so I am giving part mom advice and part psychologist advice.

    1. If you are going to call yourself a terrible person every time you break off a relationship you may as well be a nun and forget relationships.
    2. HE is responsible for how he handles this, not you. And, quite frankly it sounds like he does not have very good coping skills.
    3. Please do not fall into the trap of getting back with him to "make him feel better". Time to worry about yourself, cause guess what, he is more worried about himself than about you at this time.
    4. Just because you cared or care for someone does not mean the relationship is meant to be. A lot of us still care for people who we broke up with.

    Get out with friends. Try to limit the time you speak with him. Focus on you. :heart: