UPDATE I can't believe some people can be SO hurtful AND clueless!!

  1. SORRY THIS IS LONG>>>>>>>

    So, I was talking to a "friend" the other day. I've known her for about a year and she is always perfectly put together down to her unmentionables! I'm talking the type of person that looks like she just stepped out of Vogue or Harper's Bazaar and she does this with such little effort. She is single and a VERY successful attorney, and can afford a VERY VERY lavish lifestyle (she did inherit a lot of $$ as well). I'm a stay at home mom with a 3 yr old and I tend not to run around in designer clothes (jeans, cute tee's, cashmere sweaters, etc.are my daily uniform), but I LOVE LOVE LOVE my designer bags (that is where I REALLY splurge).

    Anyways, I've always admired her sense of style and one thing we both have in common is the love of bags!! I've always loved high end designer bags. And have recently shared my excitement of getting 4 new Balenciaga bags with her. Well, I've told her the other day that I've been in visiting the Hermes board here and mentioned how I'm starting to LUST :love: after a Hermes--and contemplating getting one! Now, I thought she would say, "WOW, I know how much you love mine! I'm so excited for you!!" BUT NO! Instead this is what came out of her mouth, "WHAT??!! You??!! Hmmmm, interesting, I've always thought of Hermes for more fashion forward, classic style people. Not stay at home mom's...but maybe you could pull it off." I SAT THERE WITH THIS FACE: :wtf: and wanting to do this to her: :noggin:

    I honestly didn't know what to say... I had that warm bubbling feeling in me, that I knew I was going to say something that was SO SO wrong that it's best to just move on and pretend to ignore it! So, I politely said, "Well, maybe I could pull off the Mommy Chic" I WANTED to say, "Well you have *****y Chic down to a T, so maybe I can corner Mommy Chic!"

    It's been a couple days, and I'm ignoring her emails and phone call to get together for a movie.....my question is.......now what?? Do I talk to her about this?? Or just forget it ever happened??? And do I need someone in my life who feels this way about me?? I'm thinking no!

    Thanks!!
     
  2. The problem may be she is either jealous of what she perceives your "net worth" to be, or she is uncomfortable with you "out-shining" her. People are easily put off when one does something that is outside of "their comfort zone":sad:
     
  3. Forget it as fast as you can and go buy yourself an Hermes bag.
    Who said "Living well is the best revenge?"
     
  4. That is horrible. I say, buy your Hermes bag, use it with love (I'm a SAHM mom to two and dress just like you do) and completely ignore this woman, She has no clue what she's talking about and this was so rude!
     
  5. This cracks me up! What a great line. I'm so glad you just thought it instead of saying it, though. That way, you got to take the high road. She certainly didn't.

    I know it's corny, but gentle and kind words are such a beautiful accessory to elegant H bags. Her words weren't kind in any way. I think your response was very elegant and gracious. Your statement also made a quietly stinging point, if she has the subtlety to hear it.

    I'm sorry your friend was unkind, but it has nothing to do with you in the end.
     
  6. answering my own question...

    Living well is the best revenge.
    George Herbert
    English clergyman & metaphysical poet (1593 - 1633)
     
  7. Yikes! If she really is a good friend, do talk to her about it and introduce her to us, we'll sort her out.....
     
  8. i'd take differing approaches depending on the degree of friendship.

    but no matter what, she gets a cyber-smack with my hermes riding whip for saying something so hurtful.
     
  9. just goes to show you, money doesn't always buy you class! one of my coworkers thinks that getting a croc bag is pretentious unless you have the jet set lifestyle to back it up! i think, who cares what you do as long as you can enjoy what you got! take that croc baby to walmart for crying out loud! (then again, maybe not ;) )

    wow this thread is busy!

    where's that quote, about getting hit with thousands of dollars of class or something? :biggrin:
     
  10. To be honest, I think you can do with better friends than that. When I was working at a huge firm and running the rat race I was surrounded by people who sounded just like that (vain, self-important, secretly insecure) and couldn't understand why I felt socially unfulfilled.

    Then, a couple of years ago, I did a Huge Spring Clean of my address book and just cut all such people out of my life - cold turkey. It was hard, odd to get used to not spending time with them, but now I'm surrounded by *real* friends who care about me and vice versa, and there isn't a day that goes by now in which I'm not grateful for taking that plunge. You don't need to try to cultivate relationships with people like that. They're not worth it.

    Just my two cents. :smile:

    I'm sure you can pull off Chic -- not just Mommy Chic!
     
  11. Whatever you do...do not feel bad... we love you and everyone who loves Hermes!:heart: :yes:
     
  12. Yes. Tell her. PERIOD.

    Let a couple days go, and then, in a completely calm manner, ask her how she thought you felt hearing that. Then be quiet and wait for her answer.

    Do not speak until she has. Thoroughly.

    Do NOT alleviate her guilt by saying "oh it's ok!" Because it's not.

    Then, calmly, let her know how you did feel when she said it. Don't let her goad you into saying something nasty so two wrongs can make her feel righter. Then say you are very hurt, and will talk about it again later, but for NOW, you are feeling very hurt again and get off the phone.

    What she says to you later once she has thought about it, when you call or finally accept her call, should let you know whether or not she is a true friend.

    Friends are a wonderful gift and not to be easily tossed aside, but our self esteem is worth a great deal too. Give her a chance to redeem herself - she may think you are so easy going you would not notice an offhanded remark, or forgive her a "blurt". Draw a boundary, and see if she respects it.

    THEN what you have is a GREAT friend, or a former friend, IMHO.

    ;)
     
  13. gga, This is so beautiful stated, not corny at all.

    Emanu, What a horrible remark your friend made. But (devils advocating here) is it possible she spoke without thinking? (probably not if she is an attorney, but still...?) If you really miss her company and this is her first offense, maybe give her another chance?? Might she even be feeling badly about what she said??

    On the other hand, maybe there are some issues brewing under the surface of your friendship that made this exchange particularly "loaded" if you know what I mean....she may actually be jealous of YOU...as avandome suggested. Maybe she would like a toddler AND hermes bags, herself???

    best of luck sorting through this. I hope you find shopping buddy and get some amazing goodies at H. You certainlly deserve them!
     
  14. That was definitely a very insensitive remark; although, I agree, if she's someone that you're good friends with, it may be worth talking to her about. If she's a good friend, she needs to be set straight. I have a friend who I adore who tends to speak their mind without thinking--sometimes it's not what I like to hear, but that's when we talk about it.

    I'm a SAHM as well, and while all my suits from the corporate world days are hung up (and probably too small for me now), I have to say that while I found the remark rude and not very PC, I could probably understand where she's coming from. Honestly, before I had children, I had my stereotype of what a SAHM looked like too. :shame: There's nothing like a good cold dose of reality to make you eat humble pie! Or a few H-bags to make you feel like a million bucks even with spit-up on your clothes! :lol:

    I agree...don't let her comments get to you though!
     
  15. Sorry to hear of your hurtful experience.

    Your "friend" may have thought she cornered the market on (her version) of style in your circle of friends and was intimidated. It doesn't get more IT than with an H bag so she may have felt competition (even though I'm sure that was the last thing you were thinking). Here she is.. the attorney with The Life (on the outside) and here is a SAHM coming right up next to her. Hmmm - she's feeling insecure maybe.

    Anyway you handled it very elegantly. Go buy your H bag and enjoy!