To the Moms

  1. I have a question for the ladies on this forum. Please do not flame me for this ... I just need to know ... Here's the thing, I'm hitting my next decade milestone in a few years and I still feel no desires to have any children or adopt any children. Everytime someone finds out that I don't have any desire to have kids, they look at me as though I'm a cold-hearted b*tch or that I'm evil or something. They generally say something like, "Oh how could you NOT want children?:wtf: ALL women love children!! Believe me, you will change your mind when the time comes."

    I don't think I'm a horrible person, I'm definitely NOT cold-hearted! I mean, I can't gush about kids (unless they're just really really unbelievably cute and super well-behaved). I always feel so out of place whenever a coworker brings in their babies or children and all the other women are going ga-ga over them. I feel like an evil person for not feeling the same way. I don't know, I just do not have the desire to have kids (or raise other people's kids) right now. And my clock doesn't look like it's ever going to tick (I don't have a problem with that either). Now, is it true that women who don't want kids will eventually change their mind? Is there really something WRONG with me for not wanting children even as I get older (not even wanting to adopt)? I mean, am I evil or something for not being overly fond of kids?

    Please don't flame me ...:push: I'm just feeling a bit upset.
  2. there's NOTHING wrong w/ it at all!!!
    Everyone is different, I personally think it's far more admirabe not to have children if you don't truly feel the need to have them than it is to have one because you feel it's your 'duty' or the socially acceptable thing to do.
    Maybe you WILL want one some day, maybe not.
    You can always adopt an older child as well one day.
    I sometimes wish I could skip right to the 3yr or 5 yr marks! LOL!
  3. I have many friends that are child-free and are happy that way. I don't think anyone should feel forced into parenthood.
  4. I agree with Swanky. My sister-in-law always said she never wanted kiddos, but now she has them. Honestly, I think she is miserable half the time.

    Having babies is one thing you should be absolutely honest with yourself about. It is a HUGE thing and good for you for realizing that it may not be for you.
  5. I'm in my mid-30s and I don't want kids, my own or adopted. I don't feel badly about it at all. I'm sorry to hear that there are people who respond to you in a way that makes you wonder if there's something wrong with not wanting to have babies.
  6. I did not want to have kids for many years. As a teenager it was out of the question. In my 20's, I still had no desire(to into my life,selfish I guess).I was already living with DH at 21. He is 10 years older than me so you can imagine the pressure I got. Everyone who got married in their late 20's had children before me. People started to wonder if I was having problems. It was the number one question when I turned 27 until I got pregnant. "So why don't you have kids yet??? - SO RUDE!! At 30, I started to think my friends babies were kind of cute. Suddenly, I saw the cutest baby one day at a party. He was SO cute and I said to myself that I better get cooking. I had my son at 32 and was ready. The whole experience is wonderful. I ended up breast feeding for a year, I was so obsessed. I only regret not having him sooner because now I only have the strength:lol: for ONE more. Some people don't want children. I think that is fine!It is Better not to get into something that involves tremendous sacrafice, until you are devoted to it.
  7. When I got married at 27 I told DH I might never want kids and he was okay with that. Around 33 my clock started ticking a bit louder. After trying to get pregnant and not succeeding for about 10 months I got a little nervous. It became a challenge I had to WIN!! And eventually I did and had a child. And I am thrilled to have her.

    But, if my clock had never started to tick that would have been my choice, just like it is yours! Kids are definitely NOT for everyone! If there is any chance you might ever want one (I'm not sure what "decade" you are about to hit) then that is great, but if there is NO chance you will ever want one, that's great too. It's more important to follow your heart than anything else!!
  8. What's worse: NEVER being "blessed with children" (if you don't want them) or somehow being talked into kids, spending the next eighteen years of your life miserable?

    I actually can't have my own kids. I know I want them someday, but I'd really rather adopt.

    I COULD give birth, but that would mean using my husband's sperm and another woman's egg. The idea of giving birth to a child knowing that it isn't mine and could never be mine makes me uncomfortable.

    That is my choice. I don't want to give birth, I'd rather adopt. Just as it's your choice not to have children. Neither of us are selfish, that's just how we feel. We shouldn't be forced into doing things that make us uncomfortable just to please other people. (Last I checked, they were OUR bodies.)
  9. There is nothing wrong with you!!! If you're not interested in having kids, don't let anyone pressure you into feeling otherwise. This is probably the most important and personal decision anyone can make, and you have to listen to your heart.
  10. Kou don't worry I'm right behind you. But I'm very lucky that my DH doesn't want kids either.

    Please don't think we are mean or lazy and selfish... we volunteer at the Children's hospital but the more we interact with them we just don't feel like we're set to take care of human children.

    When ppl, especially my DH's family ask me when we're gonna have kids, I flat out say: "I don't find them cute yet and DH doesn't want to have the responsibility of having kids yet." People squint at me, but they don't bother me about that afterwards.

    If you need excuses, blaming it on the hubby worked the best for me. People tend to sympathize you when they find out DH is not ready because you become the poor woman who has to do everything by yourself putting strain on your marriage. God forbid you end up having to raise a Child alone!

    If your DH wants kids so bad, and ready to participate, but you don't, then that's another story.
    It's something you have to work out in your marriage.
  11. Everybody is different. Having kids is a personal choice, and it's not for everyone. Thank goodness you realize this important piece about yourself and for being honest with who you are.
  12. The best advice anyone can give you is just listen to your mind and your heart. I know many women, who are happily married, that decided not to have children (naturally or adopted). I'm a mother to a wonderful 6yo daughter, but damn is it hard work!!!!! I respect everyone's decision. So many people have children that shouldn't and end up depressed and sometimes abusive (I'm not saying you'd be that way), but women need to trust their gut more than anything.
    There's many great things a woman can be, a mother is just one of them. Good luck to you, and everyone else can go :censor: themselves.:yes:
  13. Nothing wrong with not wanting kids. I never wanted them but had my 1st one (accident-really) at 33, after having been w/my dh for 13 years. I wasn't thrilled (he was), had major post partum for a FEW years then snapped out of it. Now I love my now 5yo ds and just had my 2nd kid 4 mos ago. Now I've made 2 great mistakes, I still don't 'ooh and ahhh' over kids, but I love my own to death and it's definitely been a great challenge.

    Another thing, if you do end up having one kid, then everyone pesters you to have another, you can't win. Damned if you do, damned if you dont. Good luck and stick with your decision, your not a bad person for not wanting kids. Enjoy life, it's the only one you have.
  14. Funny how people are so different. I'm 22 and I can already feel the biological clock ticking like crazy!

    You just have to do what's right for you! If it's not having kids, then so be it. People will ALWAYS find something to be catty and rude about. If it's not your choice to have or not have children, it'll be something else.
  15. I have no desires to have kids and I'm perfectly happy with that. If it changes it changes but I wont be upset if I never have kids.