Tips on how to back off a work/GF relationship?

  1. A new girl started about a month ago and sits right across from me...we are alone, the two of us, with our bosses of course. Well, she seemed nice enough at first, but some things she has said/done are giving me some warning flags and I'm not sure that I want to be that friendly w/her anymore. We had been doing lunch every Monday (kind of implied - we went once and now she thinks it's a weekly thing). She also started emailing me a zillion times a day (about personal stuff, guys she's dating for advice, etc.). It's become kind of overwhelming. Plus she doesn't listen to my advice anyway :wtf: Also, since we park near the same garage it's almost implied now that I walk with her every night (again, because I did it once - now she waits for me and expects it). I guess if I felt really friendly with her I wouldn't mind but I just am not comfortable doing that now. I have another good friend that I like to walk w/sometimes and lots of times I like to walk by myself...a little down time :nuts:

    How do I tactfully back off without it seeming mean? It's not that I don't like her, I don't think she's someone that I want to associate with all the time. A few people at work mentioned she's a little strange, I didn't believe it but now see what they mean from stuff she's said and things that have happened :crybaby: Plus it's hard as we work right across from each other.

    Ugh, the joys of working in an office :yucky:
  2. I'd plan some unexpected events! Like having lunch w/ some girlfriends for a few Mondays in a row. . . and telling her you can't leave work right away, maybe you can wait for someone else or work a little longer?

    Indeed and unfortunate predicament!
  3. Right - and she just asked me why I've been so quiet, if there was something wrong. I'll follow that advice!
  4. OOh-that's a toughie! I agree with Swanky-just find nice subtle ways not to do these things with her anymore. Good luck! Makes me glad I don't work in an office anymore and don't have to do with all the office politics.
  5. Like swanky said , just gradully back off ......she will hopefully get the point
  6. I had a similar problem not with a co-worker, but with neighbors. It was just awful, but not at first. In the beginning they invited my husband and I to do things with them and they seemed nice enough, but eventually we were swallowed up by them. To the point of them wanting us to eat Thanksgiving dinner with them, celebrate birthdays with them, and one time, I had forgotten to lock my front door and their teenage daughter walked in my house while I was in the shower and took a stick of butter. Plus everytime we had guests over, the husband would show up at our house and introduce himself to everybody, shake hands, make small talk, and then leave.

    Well, things just kept getting cozier and cozier and we were more and more uncomfortable. We tried being a little "distant", but still polite, and not being as available for them, but things just escalated. The husband kept asking my husband what was wrong with me(???!!!) and then one day the wife called me up screaming and said really ugly things about how we had ruined their lives, etc.

    Believe me, we are the quietest most easy-going people ever. Neither one of us had ever experienced anything like this. In the end, we decided they were too weird to even bother with. But it took a long time and a lot of uncomfortableness to get to that point. I was so shaken up by this situation I had to get help form a therapist to deal with it.

    Sorry to ramble. What I meant to do was reassure you that easing off is the best policy, even though it may make you feel unfriendly or upset and even if your co-worker gets a little upset too. You just can't accomodate everybody and still be true to yourself.
  7. Wow thanks so much for sharing your story! this girl seems kind of obsessive like that she's smothering me :sad: Hopefully I can still keep a civil friendly work relationship but cancel everything else. I'll just tell her that I like to be on my own for now, that I need my space...
  8. I agree with Swanky here. It sounds like this girl really likes you and admires you and perhaps she is lonely too, perhaps doesn't have many friends and just attached herself to you.

    As far as all her emailing you with personal stuff...that has got to stop. Personal stuff in email becomes corporate property and, depending on how strict your company is, a misuse of corporate resources. Definitely ignore and delete her email that is not of a work-related nature and be firm that correspondence should be about work-related issues only.
  9. Eep! That's tricky... I wouldn't know how to handle it either, but Swanky's advice sounds good. I hope she doesn't take it super personally and you two can still be civil at work.
  10. maybe sometimes, you could make appointment with other friends for lunch and said you can't go with her.
    from your story, it seems like she don't have a lot of friends and maybe she looked up to you, you could invite her to lucnhs wiht some other co-worker so she can have more friends and maybe she won't bother you a lot after that :p
  11. ^^^ Agree w/ swanky here!
  12. There are a lot of thoughtful suggestions here. I hope it all works out okay.
  13. sounds borderline stalkerish. swanky had good advice, just slowly and hopefully discreetly start being unavailable to her. i also found seahorseinstripes advice to be good, kind of like passing her off to someone else. hehe..
  14. I quit my last job because of my coworker being too buddy buddy... She's a great person, but I had to draw the line between work and my life. Having a constant mix of the two (especially on my vacation time) got to be too annoying to deal with... There were other factors at play as well, but she was the final straw.
  15. Hmm, tricky situation, you wouldn't want to hurt her and make her feel bad, as you two are working together. I think Swankys advice is very good - instead of turning her down and saying no, it's probably better to make sure to have a lot of other arrangements (real or made up) for a while, on mondays and when leaving office, and she'll hopefully get the message. And if you could introduce her to someone else at the office, that would be great. And the emailing is terrible, maybe you could have your boss send a PM/tell her about corporate email policy or similar?

    I guess being nice but constantly busy & professional is the best way to handle a situation like this...