The PERFECT black tote!!!

The Kooba Lola seems to meet all your critieria. It's a ShopBop for a little more than $600, but if a code exists (not sure whether one does) you could get it cheaper:
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http://www.shopbop.com/shop/product...hopbysize&ASSORTMENT<>ast_id=1408474395181057

Leather handbag with hidden zipper pockets at front and metal feet at bottom. Seam and buckle detail throughout. Double handles and magnetic-snap main compartment closure. Lined interior features 8" zipper pocket, 3 patch pockets, and key ring.

14"H x 16"L x 4"D.
8" strap drop.
Imported.
 

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pictured here in red
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Coach Ergo Tote Style #10744
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And pictured above is the tote in black. Below is the Ebay auction. They don't sell it online anymore, but they may be available at the outlets.
http://cgi.ebay.com/Coach-Black-Lar...ryZ63852QQssPageNameZWDVWQQrdZ1QQcmdZViewItem

It is soft, lightweight, becomes a little slouchy with use, fits on the shoulders well, and holds a ton with inside and outside pockets. And you should be able to get it for less than $300.