The Man Gives Good Phone (NOT a Porno thread!!!!!!)

  1. Okay ... most of you know that I travel a great deal (back/forth to/from the US, UK and Continent), but I also work with a lot of expats and/or have telephone calls with them multiple times per day.

    A few months ago, my UK colleagues decided to make some changes which resulted in my dealings with a very dynamic, super-fun, very witty and sexy-sounding Aussie fellow.

    At first most of our telephone calls were strictly business ... talking about enhancements/revisions to the application that he supports. Then we started talking about traveling ... he told me that he was going to be traveling to Italy (my favorite). I told him about my favorite city in the world ... :heart: Roma :heart: , and gave him all of my personal insights (what to see, where to eat, etc.) ... well, when he came back he said it was the BEST holiday he had ever been on and told me that he was just enchanted by Rome as well.

    So, from the above ... we started chatting about various places that we've traveled to as we have both traveled a LOT (of all the US states, there are only two that I haven't been to) and I've been to all the continents except Australia! Those conversations started opening up more dialogue ... where are you *originally* from, you know ... more *personal* details. [One day, I happened to make a comment about having a "Blonde moment" ... and he picked up on that big time!]

    The other day, he told me how much he wants to come here to the States. He told me how lonely he is; how he felt that he would be happier living here because he feels that it's more 'laid-back' in the States.

    Now ... mind you ... I have NEVER met this guy personally!!! Every time I'm overseas, we are all ensconsed in a conference room the entire time ... and the ONLY time I ever get out to browse around, he would either be out at lunch or left for the day! The one item that we haven't discussed is *age*; I'm sure that he's probably in his mid to later 20's ... a-hem [clearing throat] ... I'm way beyond that (35+)!! Secondly (and more importantly), I'm NOT AVAILABLE! I've mentioned my husband's name several times, but somehow this fellow doesn't *hear it*. He knows that we will be over in Italy from mid-September through mid-October; he said the other day "I'll meet you there ..."! Of course, I'm thinking "Uh oh ...what have I done?!?".

    I'm a friendly person by nature (belying my US-Northeast-Yankee upbringing); as a matter of fact, my husband gets mad at me because I think nothing of chatting merrily along with strangers (although I do have a VERY finely tuned atennae for WEIRDOS ... I can sniff them out a mile away ... and STAY that distance!).

    So ... (sorry for the long-winded message) ... here's my dilemma ... I actually find myself REALLY looking forward to talking to this guy on the phone! What started out as a weekly call, then 2-3 times/week, daily call ... is now 3-4 times per day! We just seem to always have something to talk about ... but, now that it's gotten a little more personal, I'm feeling guilty. On the other hand, I'm really FLATTERED by this attention ... aaarrrggghhh ... is this just a mild flirtation and I shouldn't worry about it ... or (as some folks believe) ... any flirtation is cheating???? I have NEVER ever cheated ... never would (it's not in my nature - TRUST IS A HUGE ISSUE TO ME) ...

    Thoughts/Advice ?????
     
  2. I can't wait to here the responses to this! My feeling on this, any type of flirtation is cheating. I wouldn't want this done to me so I wouldn't do it to my hubby.
     
  3. What if he ends up being this really hunky Australian guy...ABORT ABORT!!! lol It will all end badly.
     
  4. Flirtation? Not by itself

    Not emotionally being connected to your husband/SO, yes. Your hubby/SO is supposed to be your best friend. If they are no longer that because you are talking to someone else like that, then I would consider that cheating.

    Why? Because a relationship is not just physical, it is an emotional bond. When that is not there anymore (or it is diminished) because you are talking to a new guy to that extent, then you no longer have the same relationship with your hubby/SO. Of course, this depends on the level that it has affected your relationship with your hubby/SO and with this new person. Especially if you haven't come clean and told your hubby/SO about how much you talk to this person, what you talk about, and so on.
     
  5. Yikes ... agreed ... HOWEVER ...

    We have mutual friends (he's American, she's from New Zealand), and whenever we are with them, my husband just becomes totally enamored of her (she is a real dynamo - I must say!). Those two will literally sequester themselves so that it looks like they're in their own little 'world'.

    Generally speaking, my husband is more of the *academic* type (Egyptologist/Archeologist) although he gave it up and is now in the Technology field. He doesn't have a lot of male friends (most of his friends, are my friends - which sometimes drives me crazy). So, I cut him a break because I know that he can be somewhat eccentric (although I personally like eccentric people - heck, I consider myself one as well) and because of that, I know that it's harder for him to socialize. So ... is his 'flirtation' wrong too?
     
  6. What she said.

    Also, if he had the opportunity to meet you before and didn't, there's a reason.
     
  7. I guess I would call our conversations "playful banter", but I do get your points. I'm not divulging any secrets or anything intimate, especially anything that I've discussed with my husband! While I'm good at the idle chit-chat type of stuff, I've often been accused of being aloof from the standpoint that it takes me a very long time to really open up. The only folks who REALLY know me are my immediate family, my husband and two girlfriends who I've known since grammer school (and also live in the area).
     
  8. Hee hee :lol: :nuts: ... or it could be the opposite, which happened to me many moons ago when I interviewed for a position in Washington, DC. I had many conversations with one of the folks in the office who - BAR NONE (including the Aussie) - had the most sexy phone voice EVER!!

    When I flew down to the formal interview, I almost died when I laid eyes on him ... he was NOT at all what I had imagined in my mind; quite the opposite ... in other words ... NOT MY TYPE - NOR - AT ALL ATTRACTIVE TO ME! I still kind of laugh about this because it proved a point to me ... you definitely can't always tell by their voice!
     
  9. Here's how I would consider it cheating:

    If he were to call while your husband was in the room, would you have to leave the room so he wouldn't hear?

    To me, it just sounds like you're being friendly-flirty. Like you said, you haven't divulged any intimate details about yourself - so I personally don't think it's a big deal.
     
  10. The way I solve problems like this is by asking myself "if my husband was doing this and I found out, how would I feel"?
    Using your example, if for instance I found out that he was "looking forward to talking with her" yes, that would hurt me.
    The scary thing is, this is how affairs start. On the other hand, I think harmless flirting is OK, but when you are thinking about the other person when you are not speaking with them...yikes..
     
  11. Hes never there? I am guessing hes no Brad Pitt LOL!

    Seriously though I think Lamiastella has a good point.

    IMHO I don't agree with flirting - I am not criticising you at all this is just my opinion. If my SO was having these conversations I would be mad but thats me :yes:
     
  12. You know ... it's funny ... I never really gave too much thought to the fact that we've never actually met; I've always maintained that it's my schedule that's so crazy. However ... now you gals have gotten me thinking ...

    Believe me, I have not been encouraging him to move here to the States by any means (frankly, I've been telling him that he would hate it here - especially since I work in "Corporate" - I've always found the other offices to be more laid back).

    I actually told my husband about the Aussie's comments "oh, I'll meet you in Italy ..." and my husband said ... "oh, cool ... we could meet up and have dinner (bla bla bla) ..."; meaning - I don't think he viewed it the way I did.

    Anyhow ... I think that tomorrow when we talk (which we have to anyhow because we're coordinating a big meeting this week), I'm going to keep to the professional discussion and see what happens.

    Thanks for the thoughts/comments ... gives me some stuff to think about!
     
  13. Ceejay - I think you're playing with fire. If I were you, I would discourage personal conversations with this man in the future. Don't be fooled. People can commit emotional infidelity. Instead, focus yourself on your husband.
     
  14. I personally think you just answered your question here. I am sure your husband looks forward to seeing this person and it doesn't make him unfaithful, it makes him curious and human. For you to form a friendship with this guy is the same. I actually think it is healthy to have friends of the opposite sex.
     
  15. my general rule of thumb is that if you at any point have thought about keeping your convos or meetings from DH then you are in dangerous territory. An "emotional affair" w/no physical contact is just as bad as a physical affair.

    I'm sure there are dynamics in this situation that you can't describe or may have left out so it's hard to give advice but maybe he just wants to meet you and dissolve the mystery.