The GUYS Rules (Read it, ladies!)

  1. The Guys' Rules

    At last a guy has taken the time to write this all down. Finally, the guys'
    side of the story.

    We always hear "the rules" from the female side. Now here are the rules from
    the male side. These are our rules!
    Please note... these are all numbered "1" ON PURPOSE!

    1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it
    down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us complaining about
    you leaving it down.

    1. Sunday sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let
    it be.

    1. Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we are never going to think of it that
    way.

    1. Crying is blackmail.

    1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one: Subtle hints do not
    work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work! Just say it!

    1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.

    1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what
    we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.

    1. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.

    1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact,
    all comments become null and void after 7 days.

    1. If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't expect us to
    act like soap opera guys.

    1. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us.

    1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways
    makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.

    1. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done.
    Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.

    1. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during
    commercials.

    1. Christopher Columbus did not need directions and neither do we.

    1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings. Peach, for
    example, is a fruit, not a color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea
    what mauve is.

    1. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.

    1. If we ask what is wrong and you say nothing," we will act like nothing's
    wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.

    1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you
    don't want to hear.

    1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is
    fine...Really.

    1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss
    such topics as baseball, the shotgun formation, or monster trucks.

    1. You have enough clothes.

    1. You have too many shoes.

    1. I am in shape. Round is a shape.

    1. Thank you for reading this. Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch
    tonight; but did you know men really don't mind that? It's like camping.

    Pass this to as many men as you can - to give them a laugh.

    Pass this to as many women as you can - to give them a bigger laugh!!


     
  2. lol! I laughed! Thanks for posting this!
     
  3. this is funny and cute....thanks for sharing...needed a bit of humor...
     
  4. :roflmfao:
    Thanks for Sharing!:flowers:
     
  5. Very funny! Thanks for posting!
     
  6. Welcome. :smile: My husband thought it was a little *too funny, imo.
     
  7. So funny.
     
  8. lmao
     
  9. What's funny about it is that it's pretty much true.
     
  10. Funny, some of these are so true. . .
     
  11. Very funny! I especially liked "A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor."
     
  12. This reminds me of that commercial (I forgot what it was for) where it shows a woman showing her significant other three very different pairs of black shoes going, "What do you think, Honey?" It then shows the shoes from the Guy Point of View and it shows the exact same three pairs of shoes.
     
  13. OMG I am cracking up!! Too funny!!!!
     
  14. That was my favorite too
     

  15. Fine, but men can also go to the toilet just as well sitting down, women have far more trouble standing, or crouching. So...LEAVE IT DOWN! :cursing:


    Fine. Just leave your credit card next to the PC. :biggrin:



    Wrong. Shopping is the modern equivalent of hunting and hunting's a sport isn't it?



    So is claiming that you'll get depressed/have medical complications if I won't have sex.



    Fine. Just leave your credit card next to the PC.



    Will I have sex with you? Yes.....and no.



    You say that's what you do, but you still haven't fixed the overflow or painted the kitchen. I didn't ask for your sympathy on those.



    An aversion to water is a sign of rabies. See a doctor.



    Fine, that promise I made last week, when I bought the sexy lingerie, is null and void, then...



    You don't have to act like a soap opera guy, I'm only asking for half human. For that, you're lucky to get Walmart.



    Fine, if you don't mind, I'll just keep eating, then.



    Same here, when I appeared to make that unfavourable comparison between you and my ex.



    Thinks; 'That's exactly what I have been doing!'. :graucho:



    Oh great, a commercial break. Did you leave your credit card next to the PC?



    Wasn't Christopher Columbus aiming for Asia? :shrugs:



    That's a shame, because I was going to buy your favourite item of VS underwear in that colour, but as you won't appreciate it...



    If it glitters, it will be bought. We do that.



    If you say 'coming to bed?' and we say 'no, I've got a headache'. We know that you know we are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.



    Fine. Why do you keep asking about my ex, then?



    Fine. I'll wear my 'I'm with stupid' T-Shirt, then.



    Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during
    commercials.



    How do you know? You don't even know what mauve is, or whether I'm fat!



    Ditto.



    At least you know your shapes, even if you don't know your colours, yet.



    Feel free to have even more fun on a park bench.