The Adventures of Captain Jacques and the Big Birkin

  1. You can thank shopmom and Grands Fonds for inspiring this bit of fun. :smile:

  3. With the morning light she was gone.

    Or at least, no longer in his arms. Jacques languidly slid a well-muscled arm, smooth as box calf, across the expanse of the empty bed bedside him and pondered. Kelly la Plume had been the only woman he had ever known who had given herself with such wild abandon, unheard of in a leather goods virgin. The only one who, he was delighted to discover, matched his own ecstatic pleasure as he showed her Birkin after Birkin. He rubbed a sleepy eye and let out a soft growl of pleasure, recalling how her bleu sapphire eyes lit up at the sight of his most precious asset -- a noir porosus croc Birkin with diamonds and palladium hardware with a gasp-inducing measurement of 40cm! But such a treasure warranted safe keeping on shore.

    Oh yes, he thought with delight, he couldn't wait to see her face when he introduced her to the size of his tannery. The restored Georgian plantation tucked away in Vermilion Bay allowed him to play the wealthy bourgeois craftsman, known to his neighbors only as Herr Mez. Little did they suspect that beneath his arable acres, the estate boasted an array of secret tunnels, a web of artfully dusty passages leading to hidden coves where he kept safe his jewel, the 40 Black Croc Birkin with diamonds. And not only that: trunks and trunks brimming with silk twill scarves, carefully arranged by size, color, design and date of purchase (I mean, er, pilfering). He thought of the shelves piled high with the glistening skins of newly minted ostrich, lizard and of course crocodile bags, and--

    An urgent knock on the door resumed the pounding in his head. The knocking persisted.

    "Captain, open up!" The agitated voice of his first mate, Ray Tourne, echoed dully into the chamber.

    Jacques sighed lazily, reaching for his breeches. "What is it, Ray?"

    "They're gone, sir."
  4. The captain flung open the door and eyed the young man in the corridor, his faithful companion these many years, and handsome enough to be a brother to Jacques but for the distinct lack of eye makeup and interest in Hermes leather items. Well, no one's perfect, thought Jacques.

    "What is it?" he repeated, wrapping his red Feu du Ciel silk scarf around his head. "What's gone?"

    "The bags, Jacques. The entire hold's empty! She took everything," said Ray.

    Jacques tilted his head in surprise and disbelief. "She?"

    "I'm sorry, Jacques. Hers was as clever a disguise as there was," said Ray mournfully. "That Miss Kelly la Plume from Royal Harbor was no daughter of a magistrate. The crew and I spotted a ship sailing away at full speed, but close enough to see that she was a pirate ship -- Plum Kelly's ship that's been preying on the privateers in the Siren Sound, targeting anyone possessing anything by Herr Mez."

    Heart racing, Jacques turned back to his Croc Birkin cupboard and threw open the doors.


    Jacques heart fell like a stone, landing squarely in the sinking pit of his stomach.

    "Bloody pirates!" he hissed. "Where was she headed?"

    "Far as we could tell," said Ray, "Vermilion Bay."

    "Thundering Jesus, Ray!" spat Jacques, racing for the door. "We've got to head Plum Kelly off! I want my Birkins back!"
  5. "Wonderful writing style evocative of Jane Austen. This is a writer to watch!!!!"-Hermesgroupie, LeMonde Magazine
  6. More, more!!! :yahoo: :flowers:
  7. :lol:
    Is that it!!!
  8. omg...:roflmfao: :roflmfao: What a way to start my morning! LMAO, Gina!

    ......thundering jesus.....what have we unleashed, Grands?
  9. ^ LOLOLOL!!!! This is pure genius! MORE!!!
  10. Gina, that was great, absolutely loved it. I was thinking Johnny Depp (right Baggs?) who could play the girl? Catherine Zeta Jones?

    Here's a bit of trivia for you...back when men were men and wore breeches, the little cup thingy up front covering the family jewels was called a Merkin.In the last 100-200 years the word has evolved to mean a pubic wig. Hmmm, funny how it rhymes with Birkin:roflmfao: The vest they wore back then was called a Jerkin. Hmmm, describes some guys:p
  11. :p hee hee hee

    Thanks ladies. This is fun! Stay tuned to see if Jacques catches up with his beloved (but is that the girl? or the Birkin?)

    :idea: What a cool little piece of info, grace! Thanks!
  12. Lol ;)
  13. Can't wait for the next chapter! :flowers:
  14. This is GOOD~~ More please!
  15. Wonderful writing!!! I can't wait to