Suicide is a Selfish Act [?]
- Thread starter Kusum_parjapat
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i am sorry about your cousin, my son is also 21 and i cannot imagine losing him, and you are right, we make snap reactions that, sadly, sometimes cannot be undone
i don't think suicide is selfish, i think people who commit suicide are going through a lot of pain and they do think others will be better off without them when the reality is different, we grieve for them, for the future that went away with them...we want them back with us
especially with young people, i wish there could be a way to let them know that things do change, that life does improve.
I wish for that too.
Depression is the disease that tells you things will never get better and you will never feel better than the terribly low point you're at right now. No one has figured out how to get through that wall. When you feel so low for long enough, death doesn't look bad, it looks like a way to end your suffering. Knowing you have loved ones who will miss you doesn't change the pain and desire to end it.
Sadly, I've had friends and family members attempt or succeed at suicide and they simply cannot see any reality other than what they are experiencing. And these are people on medication and getting professional help. The best thing I can do is listen when they want to talk and not judge (they have told me this).
I read a blogger once that talked about the people who committed suicide on 9/11. The ones who jumped from the building because of the heat of the fire. No one said that they were selfish or that they should've kept hope and stayed positive that they might've been saved. Everyone understood that the physical pain they were feeling was so intense that it made suicide the best option. And she said that's the same amount of physical pain, but inside of her, that she felt before she attempted suicide. She said imagine a heartache you've had and times that by 100. One that never goes away. That's there from morning until night. That's what drove her to want to do anything to end the pain.
[FONT="]I think my topic has created chaos in the forum. But neither my motto is to hurt someone or their emotions. I just wan't to discuss on such a sensitive topic because i thought this discussing may stop someone to take [FONT="]such[/FONT] a bad decision. I just won’t you to put your views about people who commit suicide. How [FONT="]you[/FONT] can suggest them from doing such a wrong act.[/FONT]
I'm going to share a story that very few people know. I'm shaking just writing this.
When I was young I got pregnant. I come from a very religious family and the idea of abortion was never an option. I had my baby boy, but I was just not equipped to care for him. I tried to raise him the best I could, but I just couldn't give him what he deserved. I loved him so much that I gave him up for adoption to a wonderful couple. My family was not supportive and very cruel to me. They said things like "How could you do this to your precious boy?" Handing him over was the hardest thing I have ever done. He was screaming for me as I left and I just fell to the ground and cried so hard that it came out as screams, just like my baby. I though I would die from heartbreak right then and there. I felt such shame and self hatred. My last memory of him was him crying and reaching out to me and I had to just turn and walk away. This memory haunts me.
The most important thing for me is and was that I never, ever want him to think for a second "why doesn't my mommy want me?" For a very long time, I thought it would be better if I were dead, so he would never have to question that. I felt it was a selfless act. I wanted to save him from any pain and I felt I could protect him with my death. I could only think of him. I came very close many times to end my life.
It's been many years now and he has a wonderful set of parents who have since given him a brother and two sisters. He's happy, well adjusted, and has the best chance at a good life.
Yet, I still have fears that he could think I didn't love him enough, that he was worthless and that I didn't want him. I pray that didn't damage him.
The pain of this, I will live with for the rest of my life. It hurts so bad, but I have learned ways to deal with this. I realized that suicide was not the answer. I can only hope that if he ever seeks me out to ask why, he will understand.
I tell this story because maybe someone will understand that suicide is not 'selfish'. I believe in compassion for people who think about it, try to do it, and those that succeeded I ending their life.
As to the question, what do you say? Well, all I can say is the only thing that got me thru were a handful of people who cared enough to say "you did the right thing and you are a good person" as many times as I needed them to. They said it over and over until I finally believed them.
When I was young I got pregnant. I come from a very religious family and the idea of abortion was never an option. I had my baby boy, but I was just not equipped to care for him. I tried to raise him the best I could, but I just couldn't give him what he deserved. I loved him so much that I gave him up for adoption to a wonderful couple. My family was not supportive and very cruel to me. They said things like "How could you do this to your precious boy?" Handing him over was the hardest thing I have ever done. He was screaming for me as I left and I just fell to the ground and cried so hard that it came out as screams, just like my baby. I though I would die from heartbreak right then and there. I felt such shame and self hatred. My last memory of him was him crying and reaching out to me and I had to just turn and walk away. This memory haunts me.
The most important thing for me is and was that I never, ever want him to think for a second "why doesn't my mommy want me?" For a very long time, I thought it would be better if I were dead, so he would never have to question that. I felt it was a selfless act. I wanted to save him from any pain and I felt I could protect him with my death. I could only think of him. I came very close many times to end my life.
It's been many years now and he has a wonderful set of parents who have since given him a brother and two sisters. He's happy, well adjusted, and has the best chance at a good life.
Yet, I still have fears that he could think I didn't love him enough, that he was worthless and that I didn't want him. I pray that didn't damage him.
The pain of this, I will live with for the rest of my life. It hurts so bad, but I have learned ways to deal with this. I realized that suicide was not the answer. I can only hope that if he ever seeks me out to ask why, he will understand.
I tell this story because maybe someone will understand that suicide is not 'selfish'. I believe in compassion for people who think about it, try to do it, and those that succeeded I ending their life.
As to the question, what do you say? Well, all I can say is the only thing that got me thru were a handful of people who cared enough to say "you did the right thing and you are a good person" as many times as I needed them to. They said it over and over until I finally believed them.
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Oh, this breaks my heart to read. I'm sorry that your family was not supportive of you, and hope you know that your baby will not think you didn't love him enough. Children just don't think that way. Lots of hugs.
My friend's husband committed suicide a few years ago. He was the kind of man that listened to all your problems. If he sensed that you were feeling down, he would talk and listen until you felt better.
He didn't display any signs of depression when he was around other people. He didn't share his own feelings, but clearly he was in a dark place for a long time. And I think that's the point. When someone is in a dark place for a long time and sees no way out, for them death feels freeing from the pain.
He didn't display any signs of depression when he was around other people. He didn't share his own feelings, but clearly he was in a dark place for a long time. And I think that's the point. When someone is in a dark place for a long time and sees no way out, for them death feels freeing from the pain.
Thank you both so much for the kind words and hugs. That means a lot to me.
I don't know what came over me, late in the night, to tell my story. I felt compelled share how someone might get to a point where they see no other way. I don't believe in shaming those who are hurting so badly they can't make it stop or they want to protect those they love. I'm not saying suicide is 'okay', but to say "your just being selfish" does not help or show compassion for the person who so desperately needs it.
Is it not also 'selfish' for you to want to keep that suffering person in your life? I believe it's best to just not use those hurtful words and instead be there for them, tell them you love them, hold them and cry with them. Find a way to get them help.