so pissed at bf!

#16
I totally understand this...having done the long distance thing. hugs

you want to spend time with him,. not deal with family and be subjected to them

its hard enought to be confident in your own realtionship, without busybody relatives making you insanely uncomfortable.
 
#17
I think you're both in the wrong in this situation. You say that you've been with this guy for 6 years, but you can't stand to be with his family because "it's not your thing"?? Have you never met his family before? If after 6 years, you haven't met his family - I say it's time to throw this relationship out the window and try with someone new.

And if you don't like meeting ANYONE'S family, I suggest you get used to it - because I think it'll be pretty darn hard for you to find a boyfriend who doesn't want to see his family either.

I have no advice on the plane ticket thing. You and I are obviously very different, since I would go in a heart beat to be with the person that I love (with family, or not).
 
#18
Love is give and take. There has to be a balance. I'm going through something similar to what you're going through right now. My BF and I are talking to work it out.
 
#19
I think you're pretty upset that YOUR Christmas present will be something which is perhaps more beneficial for your boyfriend, am I right? Would it be more ok if he just offered to pay for your plane ticket and bought you a nice present which was just for you...(christ, this sounds really petty)

If that's not really the issue, but you just don't want to be pressured into spending time with his family, I think you should rethink the relationship...'cause believe me, in the years to come, there will be many a family get-together you don't feel like going to, but you'll still have to do it...
 
#20
sara said:
i'm even thinking about ending our almost 6 year relationship because i can't believe he has the audacity to get me something i am really against. (i was telling him on the phone for over 5 minutes "i won't go" to which he responded "yes you will.")
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He sounds like a fantasist and a control freak to me! :shrugs:

I was in a similar situation in the past. I was coming down with flu and I rang my BF (of the time), while I was on my way to see him, to tell him that I didn't think I could make our date, as I was ill. He simply wouldn't accept it and kept saying (in an overly calm voice, if you KWIM?); 'I'll see you soon.'. Every time I protested and said I really couldn't make it, he just said; 'Yes you can.' and; 'I'll see you soon.' again! :wtf:

I was completely freaked out (probably even more than I would have been normally, because I was feverish!) and I hung up on him and then, instead of going to see him, or going home, I went to stay with a friend he didn't know, just so he couldn't find me!

According to my mum, he spent about 5 hours looking for me on the 20 mile route between our towns on his motorbike. That's how convinced he was that I would obey him! :confused1:

It was a freezing cold night and I expect he froze his bits off and frankly, if he did, it served him right!!! :yes:

Not surprisingly, we never saw each other again!

Although, he later called me and tried to persuade me to meet him for 'lunch' even though he was living with his new girlfriend at the time!!! :wtf:

That was the calibre of the creep.


i guess the bottom line is, i'm sick of doing all the traveling, i REALLY don't want to see his family/relatives, and he's trying to make me do something i really don't want to. am i overreacting? will he always be like this? sorry for the long rant, i just needed to let it out. :sad:
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No you're not overreacting and my worry is, that if he's already like this now, what on earth will he be like in the future, when you're married, or living together?! :wtf:

Of course, you should make your own decision, but if I were you, I'd definitely get out now! :yes:
 
#21
You should tell him that perhaps, you expect him to travel instead of you doing all the traveling.

I know that right now, my bf and I are doing the long-distance relationship because he is getting his PhD and I'm getting my JD. But he does all of the traveling because he has more flexibility and I have none. I have to be glued to the library.

Anyhow, just a thought.
 
#22
lamiastella said:
I think you're both in the wrong in this situation. You say that you've been with this guy for 6 years, but you can't stand to be with his family because "it's not your thing"?? Have you never met his family before? If after 6 years, you haven't met his family - I say it's time to throw this relationship out the window and try with someone new.

And if you don't like meeting ANYONE'S family, I suggest you get used to it - because I think it'll be pretty darn hard for you to find a boyfriend who doesn't want to see his family either.

I have no advice on the plane ticket thing. You and I are obviously very different, since I would go in a heart beat to be with the person that I love (with family, or not).
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my thoughts exactly.
 
#23
I think that he loves you and he wants to show to his parents how wonderful you are. He maybe loves to be with his family for the holiday, he wants to share this special moment with you.

I understand you feelings about it. I also hate going to my "lover" house. But I did my best to accept my fiance invitation because I know that it is important for her.
 
#24
I know it's a drag sometimes to spend time with inlaws! but its unavoidable...I do it mostly because I know I would want my DH to do the same for me and my family..
 
#25
My boyfriend does the whole "yes you will" BS thing too... pisses me off beyond belief.

Honestly... you have to do some thinking. You can't stay together just because you've been together for so long. If you're unhappy, then end it.

Plus, there's a lot of distance between you two.... almost seems like it'd be a miracle if this worked out.
 
#26
lamiastella said:
I think you're both in the wrong in this situation. You say that you've been with this guy for 6 years, but you can't stand to be with his family because "it's not your thing"?? Have you never met his family before? If after 6 years, you haven't met his family - I say it's time to throw this relationship out the window and try with someone new.

And if you don't like meeting ANYONE'S family, I suggest you get used to it - because I think it'll be pretty darn hard for you to find a boyfriend who doesn't want to see his family either.

I have no advice on the plane ticket thing. You and I are obviously very different, since I would go in a heart beat to be with the person that I love (with family, or not).
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I couldn't agree more. I will NEVER tell my b/f that I won't participate in his family gatherings because even though I don't always want to be there....I know it's important to HIM....and family bonds are very important in his family so I go.
 
#27
maggie7 said:
I think you're pretty upset that YOUR Christmas present will be something which is perhaps more beneficial for your boyfriend, am I right?
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you are EXACTLY right. i know i sound like a brat... but it's MY gift. a gift would be him visiting me. or me visiting him ALONE. i do not consider this a gift. it's another chore for me.
 
#28
MiamiHunk said:
I think that he loves you and he wants to show to his parents how wonderful you are. He maybe loves to be with his family for the holiday, he wants to share this special moment with you.

I understand you feelings about it. I also hate going to my "lover" house. But I did my best to accept my fiance invitation because I know that it is important for her.
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Repeatedly telling someone, when they say that they won't do something; "yes you will." is not love - it's control.
 
#29
lamiastella said:
I think you're both in the wrong in this situation. You say that you've been with this guy for 6 years, but you can't stand to be with his family because "it's not your thing"?? Have you never met his family before? If after 6 years, you haven't met his family - I say it's time to throw this relationship out the window and try with someone new.

And if you don't like meeting ANYONE'S family, I suggest you get used to it - because I think it'll be pretty darn hard for you to find a boyfriend who doesn't want to see his family either.

I have no advice on the plane ticket thing. You and I are obviously very different, since I would go in a heart beat to be with the person that I love (with family, or not).
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i guess you (and everyone who agrees with you) and i are just different. i suppose my bf should be with someone with who is like you. i don't believe it's my responsibilty nor do i have the obligation to meet someone's extended family until we're married. if we were married, i would meet them and show up to all the functions whether i like it or not because it's my responsibility. but until that time comes... it's my choice.

and regards to the plane ticket, i would hop on plane and see him. but the thing is, it's supposed to be my gift. he should try to do or give me something i would appreciate or something that isn't outright in his favor. maybe he should book a ticket and see me for a change. maybe he should book a ticket for me when we can be alone. those would be gifts. but after years of doing most of the traveling, after years of trying to be flexible and do things in his terms, it gets tiring. i guess i'm just fed up of feeling taken advantaged of and this is where i feel the need to draw the line.
 
#30
I think you didn't need any feed back on your situation since you already know exactly what it is that makes you ticked off. Seems like you guys can't communicate at the moment. Good luck and I hope you get what you want for Christmas.
 
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