since wedding etiquette has been the topic du jour

  1. ok, i've never been a bridesmaid before, so i'm not sure how these things work, but i've just been asked by the bride's siter to help pay for the bridal shower. a bridal shower i have to travel 500 miles to go to(i don't even drive, i have no idea how i'm getting there), 5 months before the wedding, miss a weekend of work for, and it wasn't even polite, it was just, i want to split this up evenly, you get no say about the decorations or the hall, but you have to pay for it. they are aware of my finacial situation, and seemingly don't care. in fact have made the lovely offer of my sleeping on their mom's couch so i can go to this super fun weekend. is it the norm for the bridesmaids to pay for the shower? i'm this far from telling them i can't afford to go, which i really can't.
  2. Yes-- it has become a norm for bridesmaids to pay for the shower. However, in your situation I would tell them this - either you can help pay for this or attend and help host (clean up, make name tags, run the games, etc.) but unfortunately are unable to do both... and let them tell you which one so there will be no hard feelings between all of you.
  3. Wow, I've never heard of bridesmaids paying for the shower. I think its pretty rude and that you should give her a limit of what you can contribute. She may go crazy otherwize and spend hundreds, after all she is the sister and she figures that the bridesmaids will pick up the slack. I'm sure you can be sweet about it and just say this is the amount I can offer to contribute, or I can attend, but financially I can't do both.
  4. Yes, it is standard for the bridesmaids to help pay for the shower. Some families misconstrue this to mean that the bridesmaids are there to help foot the bill. That's not true. If you have financial issues, tell them what you feel comfortable contributing. What are they going to do? Tell you no?

    I feel like brides (and their families) are getting out of hand trying to have the best wedding possible. One of my friends was recently told she had to contribute $1500 towards the shower because the MOTB wanted her daughter to have a extra nice shower. That's not including the $500 bridesmaid dress, the $100 shoes & the $150 make up & hair expenses or the gift for the shower or the gift for the wedding. Can you believe that?!
  5. Wow!!! That is crazy...:push:
  6. For future reference... what IS proper bridal etiquette for the modern gal?? (as viewed by PF members, not by the traditional stuffy books )

    So far, I understand = no bridal registry, no all-inclusive resort weddings where guests pay their way, no bridal showers where you hold bridesmaids hostage
  7. My bridal shower was given by my bridesmaids but they were all my sisters. They divided the cost evenly except for my baby sister who was not able to help financially.
  8. my mother, who knows my situation best of all, thinks i should back out completely....this is just getting more an more uncomfortable. i think what bothers me, is that a hall was already booked, decorations have already been paid for, and i'm just being told i'll be paying for it. not asked. this is a huge financial commitment for me, and one i can't really make.
  9. Hi- I am new to this forum, but I have been married. (25 years, actually). It is really rude for the bride's sister to solicit anything. No one in the immediate family should ever do that. If you can't participate in a reasonable way you should send the bride a nice note thanking her for wanting you to be in her wedding, but at this time it is too hard for you to do. Which is really true. I'm not sure where these people get the idea that everything must be done for the bride, at any cost. Just send her a toaster!!! It sounds like it will be almost all you can do just to get to the wedding itself. Don't feel bad if you can't participate. (Besides, it's 'way too early for a shower)...Wait, I just read your post. I would say just bag the whole thing. A shower is a communal thing, and it looks like the brides family just wants someone else to foot the bill. If you haven't been consulted on the whole shower issue, then you don't need to participate at all....
  10. :smile: well, it's a little too late for that. i've bought the required dress, and the bride is pretty much my best friend.
  11. Well the bridesmaids pay for the shower when they have decided amoungst themselves to throw it. Then they should, as a group, decide how much to spend and on what. If you are being asked to help foot the bill, then you should have been included in the planning! Geeez!
    If the bride is your best friend, I guess the only thing you can really do is bite the bullet. Brides morph into Bridezilla around wedding time. Anything you do to disrupt her plans would seriously hurt the friendship.
    Just think about it this way. One day it will be you and all of your friends will do the same for you in return.
  12. Wow! I had no idea that a bridesmaid was supposed to help foot the bill for the shower in addition to paying for the dress, hair, makeup, on top of buying a gift for the shower and the wedding. My friend is getting married and the maid of honor footed the bill for the shower and hosted it at her house. I think the bride's family helped out as well, monetarily. The bridesmaids did help with the setup and brought food and champagne. I would think it's rude to actually ask for money for the shower, though that is just my opinion.
  13. If she's your best friend talk to her! She's probably not even aware of what her sister is doing. If my best friend was in your situation, I'd tell her not to worry about it and then I'd go yell at my sister for being such a pain in the butt to my best friend. Having you at her wedding definitely means more to her than who is paying for what.
  14. I think that although it's rude of her to ask, it has become the norm to do it that way. I got married 6 months ago and I decided to skip the shower altogether because I think that it's mostly just another event for people to give gifts. I figured I'd be spending the whole wedding weekend celebrating with my guests so I didn't need to stretch it out into a shower and bachelorette party and all that other stuff. But that's just me.

    I think whoever said it above is right -- offer to either chip in or attend. No need to do both.
  15. i'm going to be a bridesmaid for the first time too. the bride's sister (& MOH) is organizing the bridal shower and has asked the bridesmaids for suggestions, but hasn't asked us for help or for money. I kind of assumed that I'd be chipping in for the shower since I live 300 miles away and can't really help decorate or organize. So yea, one or the other!