Sigh...any advice?

  1. I really don't want to get into a lot of details, but I just need some advice. Someone real close to me clearly has a psychological problem(perhaps depression/home sickness, don't know), and myself and others have tried to confront her to get some help, but she is pretty much in denial and gets upset and goes off with hurtful names, etc. I haven't actually said straight up "You need help, go to a psychiatrist" but what I have said and others have said pretty much implied that. This problem is affecting her performance at work(she is on probation at her job, so they are watching her every move/performance), her outlook on life, pretty much everything. Her attitude is really bringing me down, and sometimes I am just in tears b/c of her hurtful words and I not knowing what is going to happen in the furture. I know she can't help it, but if I try to talk to her and I say something she doesn't want to hear, she gets upset, etc. When I try to talk about what could be bothering her, she thinks she is right and everyone else is wrong and just won't listen and will get upset. I love her as she is family, and I want her to be okay, but I just don't know what to do. I have already talked to other family members about this, but they have no idea what to do either. I know it is hard to give advice as I have left out a lot of details, but any perspective or ideas is just great at this point.:sad: Thank you.
  2. Oh goodness sorry to hear that you are having to deal with this. The problem with trying to get anyone to seek help for any problem is that they have to accept that they have a problem in the first place. It sounds like this person isn't there yet & you will have difficulty until then. Meantime I suppose you just have to be as patient & understanding as you can muster while making sure that she doesn't bring you down with her. Sorry can't be of more help.
  3. Thanks BagAngel. :smile:
    It's tough b/c I know mental health is just as important as any type of health problems, and I wish that I or someone could help her realize this, and just to realize that she does have a problem. She has been having this problem for about 6 months. Is it possible for mental problems to get worse over time?
  4. By saying 'mental problems' that is just too general. Do you feel that she is a danger to her self or others? If so you could call and have her committed temporarily and she will get evaluated. If the psychatrist finds no evidence of danger they will let her go, but if they feel she could benefit from therapy or they see a mental issue they will refer her.

    But remember, if she wants help then she will get it. Right now she isnt ready to admit that she wants help, so you cannot give it to her unless she is truly in danger.

    Yes there are some mental disorders that get worse with time. For example, schizophrenia, it is highly hereditary and the symptoms do get worse with age/time if they go untreated. I suggest you watch the movie A Beautiful Mind and the TV show Criminal Minds. Both will give you a different take on life and the life of the insane/mentally disturbed. In the case of a Beautiful Mind, John Nash was able to be a functioning and contributing person in society yet still have schizophrenia. However there is the negative extreme of someone, say the Ice Man, who has paraniod schizophrenia and antiosocial personality disorder and is convicted of 100+ murders in New York.

    I dont mean to scare you, but do realize that there is that possibility that things can get worse. Keep in mind this: she may be genetically predisposed to a particular mental disorder and recently had a life stressor that triggered these symptoms. Try to look at what changed or happened to her 6 months ago. Talk with her about that. And be frank, things like "this isnt normal, what is wrong, i do care about you let me help you or let me help you find someone who can help you feel better" are all things that are nonthreating and could initatie a conversation.

    If she still remains disturbed and refuses your help, you can always walk away from the friendship. Unlike many other health problems, mental disorders have ugly sides to them, and often end up with violence or abuse.
  5. Thanks so much for the great advice, batgirl. I know she isn't a danger to herself or others, she is just so depressed and sad all the time, and just gets upset at random things. I really think it is something along the lines of depression. Many years ago, she was on medicine for depression. I think I am going to try to confront her about this but perhaps in a more different way, and like you said, talk about how this isn't normal. And I will watch A Beautiful Mind. Thank you.
  6. What if you make a day to go out with her and just try to have the most fun, and not bring anything up. Maybe build the trust in her that she can confide in you. Just an idea.
  7. It sounds like this person has already gone through a similar problem and overcome it, so there is your ray of hope!!!! Maybe something has happened that has led to this slide??? I am sure you know what I mean. If that is the case, if you ask me, give it some time. I know this is hard, especially to watch, but the person may be aware of their situation and not wanting to admit it.
    I haven't suffered from depression but had to deal with other issues, and sometimes you don't want to admit to yourself that you are not as strong as you thought, have a problem etc.

    ^^ having someone committed I would only recommend if they are in danger but otherwise you will ruin a personal relationship, IMO.

    I was confronted in a very nice manner by members of my family about some of my issues, and at the same time I was offered a solution - like addresses and contacts to go see someone. you could try that, it got the ball rolling for me.

    Wishing you all the best and as we say, keep your head up it will get better, hopefully.
  8. Thanks for your advice, handbag_luvr and lara0112.
    Handbag_luvr, that is a good idea. I think I will take her on a fun day, shopping, out to eat, maybe the movies. It does sound like a good idea to build trust.
    Lara0112, yup, I think there is something that led to the downfall, and it does make sense. I try to talk to her about it, but it doesn't go well. Like you said, give it some time. That's what I will be doing. When the time comes, I do plan on getting together a list of psychiatrists or psychologists. Thanks.
    Also, I rented A Beautiful Mind today, and that was one of the best movies! I loved it. Thanks for the suggestion, batgirl!!
  9. Is there a HR dept. in your company that can talk to her and offer her help. I think if she is depressed just having a friend like you to talk to may be the first step she needs in reaching out. I met my best friend 25 years ago---she was just out of a bad marriage, divorced from a abusive husband but still in love with him. She kept to herself, I would see her at the community pool every afternoon about 4PM and slowly we started talking and hanging out> I was new to the town so it was nice to have a friend. We were there for each other. She told me if it wasn't for me should would have killed herself because she was so depressed over her husband. So here we are 25 years later and she is a second Mom to me and Nana to my kids. She is more family than blood family.
    I think a fun day together is wonderful, just a small act of kindness can make a difference in someone's life.
  10. Oh gosh...your post brought back some memories. In college, I had a roommate and dear friend that was really struggling. It caused me an unbelieveable amount of stress. I finally called her parents and told them she needed help...which snowballed into her being committed, dropping out of college, etc. Since then, I know that she's gone back to college, gotten married, etc. But, she never 'talked' to me, outside of arrangements basically, again. I have not a clue if I did the right thing or screwed her up more. All I knew at the time, was that I'd rather take the chance of losing her friendship by pissing her off, than live w/the knowledge that I just stood by if she chose to end her life. sorry. I have no advice to give you...I have a feeling, you might know what needs to be done...whatever that you and your particular situation. Does that make sense?
  11. I'm sorry to hear that you are dealing with this, it is very hard watching someone self-destruct without being able to do anything to stop it. I have had a similar experience recently with someone close to me who also had psychological issues, mainly depression, that dealt with it by taking it out on others (mostly me), with work life also suffering as a result. The one thing that remains constant in situations such as these is that if the person is not willing then you cannot force them. Just say you were able to get them to see a psychologist (which would be a great first step), the only way they would get something positive out of it is to be WILLING to do something about their negative situation. I think all you can do is be there for this person, as hard as it may be, and advise them to seek professional assistance.

    Psychological issues can become worse over time, but they can also become better. If there was a particular moment or situation that sent this person into a negative spiral then that may be the key to resolving things. While it is common for psychological issues to become worse, I have also seen cases where over time people wake up and naturally come out of their slump. I do believe however, that working with psychologists is a great idea and can truly improve quality of life and put a different perspective on things. Also, just because the person has psychological issues does NOT mean they have a psychological disorder. For example, you can be depressed but not have a mood disorder, you can be anxious by nature but not have an anxiety disorder. There are different spectrums of severity of psychological scales. That is why it can be so important to see a professional - so that they can determine what the actual issues are.

    I understand how you're feeling and I wish you all the best.
  12. Thanks so much gillianna, mshel, and jennyo for your advice. :flowers: I appreciate it a lot right now.
    I am glad I did post my situation that I am dealing with b/c now I have so much more ideas and new viewpoints on what I can do. I think I really have to realize that it is not her fault, and I have to help her and be as understanding as I can until she can realize that something isn't normal and that she needs help. It's tough, but things will get better. I just have to look at the bright side of things, and be happy her condition isn't completely awful, and I just need to be there for her. Thanks again everyone for the replies, I am really grateful for the help and advice!:smile:
  13. Mental illness is just that - illness - and like illness, it can be treated, even when it can't be cured.

    purplekitty, you have gotten excellent advice! I hope that you will be able to help her accept that it is not her fault, and that there are people who love her, who are rooting for her, and want her to get the problem treated just as they would if she had been walking around with a terrible sore throat!

    mshel, that you loved her enough to make that sacrifice says some very nice things about you. While you may be a reminder of a difficult time to her now, I will predict that in time, she will get past that and come to understand just how much you love her, and how brave you are. :smile:
  14. Thanks ShimmaPuff!:flowers: