Should I go to her birthday?

  1. OK, a long time ago I wrote a thread about my boyfriend's good friend who's a girl. He rarely sees her, but there are occasions where she calls him to hang out. She called him today about her birthday on Sunday and that she wanted him to go.

    Here is the run down of why me and her don't mix:
    • She likes to judge and put input on our relationship when she's not asked. She acts as if she knows what's best, when she has no inclination of our relationship whatsoever.
    • She's friends with his ex of almost 5 years.
    • THIS IS THE BIG ONE: Her sister and I had a really huge blow up. Her sister wanted to buy my old car from me, she offered 3000 LESS than my asking price - because she thought it was being fair. I checked Kelly Blue Book, got the car inspected, everything was great. The trade-in value was even higher than what she was asking. I declined her offer and she went on a rampage and basically was screaming at me at the top of her lungs "You're a B***H!! your car is a piece of ____" basically anything you can imagine that she would've said she said to me because I wouldn't let go of the car for that price. AT the time she was 24 and I was 18. After she basically hung up on me, she emailed me again saying how useless the car is, and how much of a B***H and a scammer because I was asking for the blue book price (????). I basically didn't say anything to her, because I didn't want to get into a big fight. After a few hours, she emailed me again and offer another 200$. I again declined it and she got mad, and I basically told her off. I said, you know what, you're immature, you're 24 and you can't even get the point across to a 18 year old without using profanity. Can you not talk like a civilized adult? She basically felt as if I was "looking down on her" and she just shut up. After a few weeks, I was still selling my car (I wanted to wait last minute before I traded it in and it was a convertible and at that time it was still cold here). And I just declined her offer again and again.
    So, Of course I think it's all over and done with. I mean, it's been MONTHS since it's happened and she bought a new car, and I sold my car and bought a new one and it's not a big deal anymore. I didn't do anything wrong. I showed the car, she liked it, she offered, wasn't close to my asking price, and I declined so she didn't buy. I thought (even though her sister had a huge blow up on me,) that it was over and done with.

    So today when (let's call her) Cindy called my bf to invite him, she asked him if I would be joining him. And he said, well yeah, but technically it's up to you and how much space you have. And she said no, it's fine if she's coming, but just to let you know, my sister is going to be there. As if, it's still going on.

    I feel as if I'm back in high school. My bf is 3.5 years older than I and so is all of his friends and his friend's sister is about 5 years older than me, yet I feel like I have to "watch my back" because she won't be able to calm her temper when she sees me because I didn't bend over and let her buy my car for dirt.

    What should I do? My bf really wants me to go because it's his friend's birthday and he wants me to get along with his friends too. His other friends I get along with, just not so much her anymore.

    :confused1::confused1:
     
  2. She sounds like a bully- you already took the high road and didn't give into her demands or stoop to her level and use profanity and insults to get your point across. I can see why your bf wants you to come and meet with his friends, etc. but she sounds a bit unbalanced and your bf sounds a little too unconcerned. If you think she'll try to pick another fight, it may not be worth your while to go unless you feel like you're up for dealing with her.
    If you hadn't been invited, would your bf have gone without you?
     
  3. This response would bother me more than her response. He should be standing up for you more than he is.
     
  4. He would've probably put up a front as to why I'm not invited. She knows that the rest of their friends like me, she just has another experience with me that they haven't (her sister). I think she's given the green light so she's OK and if I decide not to go, it's not sweat off her back. However, I don't think her sister would be stupid enough to pick a physical fight (Not trying to sound cocky, but I could probably rock her good). I was already 15 once, I don't need to go back again. I just feel like I'm obligated to go now and not make it a big deal and if I don't go, it's like I'm making it a big deal.

    I guess I won't know if she'll make it a big deal until I see her.

    My boyfriend thinks that his friend's sister is a complete moron. When they were younger, his friends sister would come around when him and his friends were hanging out and try to be that "cool older girl". Apparently she hasn't changed a bit. He hates her, but won't say anything about it. I haven't told him that I felt like I was going back to high school. I wanted to mull it over before making it a deal. He said he felt pity for the fool who's with her (boyfriend wise) and that he couldn't have a mature, confident girl like me. I just think he doesn't think much of it, like he honestly believes that nothing will happen.

    It could be in my head because of that one little statement that gave me the impression as if t was still a big deal when it wasn't. I just don't know why she had to make that a point?
     
  5. I probably wouldn't if I were you. From your past posts, there seems to be alot of turmoil between you and this group of people. I think it would just cause a lot of drama. From what I remember, your BF and you and taking it slow also so I don't think you should keep him from going either. IMO it would show alot of maturity on your part if you explained how uncomfortable it would be for you to go and if he doesn't understand that, he is pretty insensitive. If you really would like to bury the hatchet with these ladies, maybe you and your bf should host a BBQ at a neutral location like a park or beach. Then just kill em with kindness as long as it is sincere. But if you can't be real about it, you may just have to keep away from these people. The whole situation just sounds so unhealthy - is this bf really worth all this turmoil? These people sound like they are very important to him - to the exclusion of your feelings.
     
  6. No no, she was asking him in the sense of "Are you bringing her, so I can make one more reservations" and he said yes, but really (because it is at her house) if there was room. She wasn't implying that she didn't want me there, she just made it a point later on to say that her sister would be there.
     
  7. I totally agree that it's unhealthy if he's aware of it and isn't doing anything about it. I just talked with him for about an hr and said, sometimes you're so damn oblivious to the way your friend (Cindy) treats me. She is nice to me face to face, but she talks about me and our relationship behind my back. You tell me this as if it's not a big deal because you don't listen, but you expect me to be her friend when she clearly isn't. I said, if she is telling me that her sister is there as a ploy to get me to NOT go because she doesn't want to invite me herself, then I won't go. You should have fun and not worry if your friend's sister is going to try to pull a move.

    He totally didn't know that I was this strung on about it. He insured me that Cindy only put it out there to make sure I was comfortable with it. And he even told me that he had told her to shut up about our relationship because she doesn't know about - I was unaware of that. He said, if I really didn't want to go to the dinner because I was uncomfortable with Cindy's sister being there, then it's OK and we'll take her out another time. He will just say he's busy...
     
  8. No. Life is too precious to waste time with negativity.
     
  9. I think the older sister just really wanted your car but she didn't have funds for it so she took it out on you. Not very classy.

    I think you should go & maybe leave early if you don't feel comfortable. I don't know if taking separate cars is an option for you. (I don't know if the older sister would sink even lower and do damage to your car.) Maybe by going you would be extending the olive branch and this whole issue would die. Put a smile on your face, bring the younger sister something nice, and just have a good time there. You could always ask a friend to call you during & pick you up if its not a good environment.
     
  10. I personally wouldnt go.
     
  11. Right. Well my boyfriend wouldn't ditch me there. If I wanted to go, he would go too. He likes the birthday girl and a couple of his old friends are attending (who like me) so it wouldn't all be hell. But there are a lot of her friends that he is totally not eye to eye with. So, it's not like it's a bunch of his friends against me. There's going to be a few people that are there that we both don't know.

    I don't think his sister would stoop to that level, if she did, I would very surprised at how stupid she would be to try to wreck my car when I'm there eyeing her. My girl friend who works at the restaurant that we're going to is going to try to get a shift just to "keep me company" just in case. But I don't think it's going to go that far. I think I was more taken back at the fact that she had to bring that up - even if it was just about me being comfortable about her sister and not her sister thinking of doing something to me.

    I like the phrase kill her with kindness. I'll be there because my boyfriend wants me to be there and he wants me to like his friends (not just Cindy but his other guy friends who are going as well) - so I'll go to be with him, but I'm not going to be friends with Cindy's physco sister.
     
  12. Would you want to go if it weren't for the sister? If that's the case, I would go. If you don't even want to go, though, there's no reason to make a point of showing up, KWIM?
     
  13. I would go and I would be so darn nice it would make them puke. Remember, the best "revenge" is to live a good life. Go, and show them how to be.:yes:
     
  14. It's definitely just about Cindy's sister. If she wasn't there, I would totally not mind the fact that I don't like Cindy much. She's quite nice to me to my face of course, so I can handle that and just be nice back. I'm not asking for a friendship of her.

    I just think (because of the events that occurred) with her sister, I don't know what she is going to do. Obviously, I don't think she's be the type to try to start something physical, she can't be that stupid right? But she can definitely have her rude remarks and try to make me uncomfortable. I'm really good at confrontation and I have no problem standing up for myself, I just don't want to deal with this HS BS crap.

    I will make my appearance but just for dinner and then we're outta there.