shocked and sad..I need some advise Please

  1. :crybaby:I'll keep this brief because I'm really in a state of shock at the moment and do not know where to turn to for some advise. So I'm calling on my PF friends for help please

    My daughters ex-boyfriend was involved in a fight a couple of days ago. He was shot and killed. She is taking this so hard (rightfully was her first love). I'm trying to console her to the best of my abilities. She doesn't feel she has the strength to visit his family at this time so I have offered to take some food over to their house so they know we are thinking of them and that we care. I just do not know what to say. We(my husband and I and his parents) have never formally spent any time together. Do I tell them who I am? Do I tell them I'm *****'s Mother? What do I say?? What if they invite me in?? What do I do?? I just have no words to express what I'm feeling for them and for my daughter..I just do not know what to do?:sad:
  2. Wow...I'm sorry to hear that.

    I'd simply explain who you are. Offer yourself if there's anything they need. They probably just want someone to listen and be there for them. If you start to feel odd, just say you're sorry but you have a prior engagement and leave.
  3. Oh my goodness, your poor daughter's broken heart. I'm so sorry to hear that your family and his family are going through this...I can't even imagine.

    I definitely agree with Charles.
  4. OMG, all my thoughts and prayers to you all...

    This happened to my cousin when she was younger, the man she was planning on marrying was shot and killed. It took her a very long time to get over it, but eventually, with the love and support her family gave her, she did and now is happily married with two little boys....

    Trust me when I say you are being a great mother. Taking her feelings into consideration is one of the best things you can do for her. You just have to reassure her that everything happens for a reason and that she will be alright.

    I think it is wonderful of you wanting to take food over to his parents. Like Charles said, introduce yourself and offer your condolences...they will very much appreciate it.

    Again, hugs to you all.
  5. my heart goes out to your daughter, and i think its wonderful that you are there for her this way. just introduce yourself and offer to help in any way, i mean, if your kids were in love then you all share something in common.
  6. So sorry, horrible thing to go through...ITA with Charles.
  7. ahhh I am so sad for you and especially your daughter. You sound like a naturally caring person, and you will find the right words to say I am sure :yes:
  8. IMO when people are shocked into such sadness & disbelief they are so GRATEFUL to have people show support, kindness & love. I would most definitely reach out to them. If you are comfortable going over just introduce yourself & share your sympathy. Also if it were me I would most definitely go to the wake & probably the funeral too.

    Good luck. Really, I think they would find it so kind if you reached out to them. Sorry for the terrible news.
  9. so sorry for everyone involved. just going over and saying/bringing something lets the grieving family know you care. it's not easy to do but believe me it will be very comforting to them. i speak from experience.
  10. My heart goes out to you...what a tragic situation.

    Just be there for your daughter...ready with a hug and a warm shoulder :sad:
  11. Oh I am so sorry for you, your daughter & those poor parents. Very difficult situation as you don't know the parents well but ITA with Charles.
  12. Hugs to your daughter! So sorry this happened...Like Charles said, just stopping by and asking them if they need anything, is appropriate. I am sure your daughter will appreciate you going to visit his parents.
  13. ita!
  14. I don't know that I would go and pay a visit quite yet. I would certainly send a lovely fruit basket or some local catering with a personal note explaining who you are in relation to their son and offering your support. I would absolutely go to any service they have. I know it is so hard to face this tragedy and see your own child so upset. Her best consolation is that she has a loving mother to look over and love her during this time. My best thoughts and prayers to you both.
  15. ITA with what misslaw and charles said. all you want at a time like that is comfort and to know you have support. something similar happened with my ex. his father was into hiking and went out on his own one day and never came home, three weeks later they found his bodie at the bottom of a cliff.
    kind words and support is the best thing anyone could offer, sending round some food or a takeaway with a little note would be great, you forget to eat at times like that.
    i hope your DD is ok. crying is the best way to grieve, it makes you feel better.