I don't know who visits this forum who has seen me around. I'm in Chloe' a lot. You may have seen a post in "Handbags & Purses" that relates to me missing classes.... The life I am attempting to live right now is not my own; it's all for my best friend. He's the figure of authority in my life, and he wants me to get my associates this Spring and go to live away at school in Florida. Go full time so I can live there, which is something I don't want to do. I got used to the idea of living at school, but I'm disabled and full time is hard for me. He says he doesn't want me to do it for him, but I'm too afraid of him to even feel what I want to do. How can I tell him that I DO really want to move to Florida, but I don't want to go to school right now like this??? He fr******g graduating from MIT and is now getting his PhD, and I'm taking a while to get my associates. He puts focus on education, but I don't like focusing on THE DEGREE. I've gotten a great education in almost two years of college, why should I have to be the same as everyone? I'm smart and he recognizes that, so he thinks I need to fulfill my potential. I tried to tell him I don't want to get a "job" job, I just want to blog. And he knows I want to make blogging my "career" but all he can see is that for right now it's not. I'm taking a class that I hate. Withdrew before, taking it again!! Still hate it. It was all that was available. All just to graduate in the Spring. I can't even tell him I'm taking it, because he doesn't know I withdrew last semester. I also have to finish up coursework for an incomplete or fail, but he doesn't know I have two extra courses worth of work than I do... NO he just makes sure I focus on my applications first. And he gets the feeling the reason why I procrastinate is because I didn't want to do it, and I THOUGHT I DID! I didn't know why I put it off! Suddenly, as it's all becoming finished and ready to send, I realize I DON'T want to go to school! Just move to Florida without that! Maybe that was in me all this time. Everything's messed up. I end up skipping classes, and I don't tell him. He doesn't even suspect, the angel. I don't know what I did in math class, but he doesn't suspect??? The angel. I try to make rewards or punishments to go to class, but it doesn't work. This term I find I can't wake up with my alarm. It's like I sleep more just BECAUSE I have school. I even LIKE two of my classes! I have a GREAT teacher! (Well, two, one is for the class that I hate the subject matter in, as well. So two with him in literature [I HATE literature, taking English, oiiiiiii!!!!] and one good one in Math [and I thought I hated math! Ha]. I wish I could withdraw from the class I don't like and finish my associates on my own time.. The reason I was definitely going to get it before transferring was because my BFF (best friend) was going to be visiting (MIT reunion! Oi) around that time. I like the idea of dorm room living with the people I might meet, living on my own... I fell out of love with college a few semesters ago. I don't even want a job in English from my degree! I just want to blog! And now I really want to also sell on eBay. If I go to fashion school, well I want to be a designer, but is that possible? I don't even want to live in NYC right now. I could learn to sew and make my own handbags and THEN enter the school... PART TIME. He keeps saying one can't get financial aid part time, but I read and one can! Grr. What I wish I could do now is just move into a studio, I can make enough money now for it with my blogging and eBaying, and still get at least one nice handbag a month or a couple on great deals (or Coach). I need to get away from my parents. I could find a place nearby to start, still having my mum near, then think about Florida? I don't know. The other thing is that I'm moving all alone to be near someone so controlling! But he also cares more than anyone in my life, ever. Siiiiiiiiiggggggggghhhhhhhhhhhhh.. How can I tell him?!