Re: Bag addiction hurting marriage....

  1. I don't know if I am the only one that has this problem with the Hubby or your significant other. But my husband has a real hard time with me paying so much for my bags. He always throws it in my face about how much I spend on my bags. I try to argue with him that the reason I work is to buy things for myself but he doesn't see my point about spending so much on a purse. This really hurts me because I really love my bags and he knows that. I don't want to have to choose my marriage over my purses but it seems like it is heading that way:crybaby: . I tried to explain to him that I scarifice alot of other things to make my bag purchases do any of you girls do through this with your man and how do you deal with it??? If you girls don't you are really lucky...
  2. Does he have a 'love'? My analogy is men and their golf clubs they have to have...the rims and tires for their cars...TVs/Bose surround sound...all those equate to 'designer' stuff!

    My hubby knows that, that's why he really can't say anything!
  3. I have this issue w/my DH also. He doesn't understand and I've come to accept he will never understand. I have my own savings acct and paypal acct, and all my transactions are done without his knowledge. I hate that I have to do it this way, but it causes much less problems. IF I wasn't working and earning my own money, I wouldn't be spending what I do on purses...unfortunately if I didn't have my own job, I wouldn't be able to buy purses as my DH would NEVER give me money for expensive ones that I like. LIke GTO said, my argument is my DH recently bought a motorcycle, golf clubs, went on guy trips, etc. It's all the same - whether you spend it on motorcycles or purses! Money is money but my DH sees expensive purses as a waste of money - yet I go without or sell older bags to get the new bags I want.

    If it causes big problems in your marriage, it might be worth taking a look try to find a middle ground or a way to calm the's not easy, I can relate!
  4. I guess I am lucky, my husband doesn't like it if I am buying bags constantly , but he would rather have me invest other wise he says I am just wasting my money on something I won't love.
  5. My new addiction has been a somewhat constant source of friction...until recently. I decided to give up my other addiction for this one (other one was gambling)...and he'd rather see me have something instead of throwing it away on slot machine or poker.
    When we did argue about it...I would just throw the his toys in his truck, RV, ATVs, XBOX 360 (that was a purse all by itself + some), big screen TV, and on and on.
    I think almost all men do this....they just don't "get" the purse...just like many women don't "get" cars or golf or XBOX.
  6. My husband doesn't like the fact that I buy bags that cost so much. I don't like the fact that he buys things like GPS systems ($600), stereo receivers ($800), video Ipod ($300), and etc. So, we have come to the understanding that he thinks I spend money on stupid things, and I think he spends money on stupid things. Therefore we have to agree to disagree and make sure that one doesn't get more than the other, i.e., if one gets to buy something, then the other does too, as long as it's in the budget. If it isn't at the time....then we both wait till it is. Works out pretty good (of course my things are always more expensive than his, but he doesn't ALWAYS need to know that).
  7. My BF and I have had this problem, too. He doesn't have any equivalent "addiction," except maybe his camera and lenses. He had a hard time understanding why I like them so much, why I care so much. He has realized, though, that this is something I've been doing since long before we met, and it's something that brings me pleasure and satisfaction. He also understand that I know how to control myself, and only speaks up now if he's genuinely concerned that I'm becoming unhealthily obsessed.
    It's helped a lot that he's learned that if it doesn't seem like a detriment to me, he should keep his mouth shut. And I've learned that if I want someone to compliment my beautiful new bag, to go to my bag-loving friends, not him.
    Ask your hubby what it is that bothers him so much. Is it the money? Is it obsession/addiction concerns? Is he worried you won't be able to save for retirement? I have a feeling your DH is a lot like my BF, and is concerned for your well-being. If he's not, he might need some help viewing your love of bags from your perspective. Pick up a bag you particularly like and point out all the things you like about it. Treat it like any other piece of art, share how it makes you feel when you look at it, touch it, wear it. What it reminds you of. What qualities it has and brings out in you. I think doing that with one of my bags was the thing that really got my BF to shut up when he has nothing constructive to say about my handbag purchases.
    Also, if he's legitimately worried about you and your well-being, you should sit down and really talk to him, have an honest give-and-take. He needs to feel like his concerns are being heard, and it might benefit you to consider if you're being blind to something in your life.
    Just my 2 cents.
  8. I have the same issue with my SO. Granted, my Hermes bags and Faberge eggs definitely cost way more than his coffee machines, computer, and speakers; however, it was the way he puts it that I found offensive. Essentially it was okay for him to buy these things because he enjoys them, while it was not okay for me to buy my bags because they're worthless. In spite of the fact that his stuff will depreciate in value and will not last forever while mine will appreciate in value and are timeless, he still holds the double standard that it's okay for him to spend money on his stuff but not on mine. It does NOT matter if I make my own money and that I make more than he does, he simply does not approve. He feels that I should spend my money on buying clothes that he likes and getting certain things done for myself - which I don't care for ...

    Since we cannot agree to disagree - he keeps insisting he's right while I never whine to him about his purchases as I feel that it's not my business, I already know that if I marry him, I'm going to have my own account and ALL of my income is going to go toward that account. It will also be the account that I use to buy myself fabulous things. I know some calls this financial infidelity but i feel that this is something that has to be done when one has tried to work things out with the other half and the other half is just too stubborn and narrow-minded to accept. I feel that as long as I'm not hurting anyone and I'm making my own money, I should spend my money as I see fit.:flowers: Anyways, I think he's starting to see the light ... I hope ...:p
  9. oh god, me too.
    i spend a lot on my bags. he spent a lot too on camera & computer but it's an investment too because we made money from that.
    but lately i feel guilty because i think my love for bags became unhealthy. so now i'm selling a few of my bags to cover up some money i spend :crybaby:
    it's hard, but sadly i know it has to be done...
  10. I would also like to add a little tip I've learned over the last 10 years.

    When I come home with a new bag or say I'm getting a new bag, I buy him something too. Nothing to big, just a "medium" something that I know he wants. He's usually so happy and interested in that, and so NOT interested in bags, he kinda forgets that I got a bag!!!!
  11. Let's say it's an "issue" in our marriage.....and the way I justify it at this point is I am constantly selling, selling, selling to fund my purchases -- although I really have to be done now to fund our son going to college in one yr! DH doesn't buy or spend in excess but he does have his "issues"...and he does have toys too - just doesn't buy them in several colors like me lol!
  12. good tip, Traci... :p

    Im not married yet. Fortunately, my bf seems to understand my addiction.:love:
  13. I'm lucky, my husband is happy when I buy a new bag, which is strange I guess. In fact, he told me I needed a new wallet....
  14. A marriage is more important (hopefully) than a handbag collection. If it really bothers your husband-especially if it's at the point of hurting your marriage, you need to sit down together and work out an acceptable way to handle it.

    Why don't you both sit down & work out an acceptable amount that you can spend per bag or yearly on bags? It probably won't be as much as you'd like to spend or as small as he'd like you to spend, but it might be a step in the right direction.

    Good luck!
  15. I am *somwhat* in the same boat.........I feel bad when I make purchcases cause my BF doesn't really have a expensive taste for anything. He's a very down to earth guy and his greatest love is soccer, He doesn't frown upon me for my love of High End luxury items but I feel guilty....I dont know why... i just do...I buy him designer stuff ...and he loves it...but it doesn't go out of his way to look for a brand when buying at the end of the day its not my SO making me feel bad about my purchases...its me just me..