Questions about nannies.

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  1. I sort of want to get back into work for may be a year because someone (who I owe a slight debt to) has asked me to. So if I go back to a job, I would probably have to get a nanny because that would again involve getting up at 5am and be back home at 6pm at the earliest. However before going that far, I would be grateful if you can enlighten me on some issues:

    1) Is it OK for me to go and work so soon even before my daughter’s 1st birthday and whether it will have an adverse impact of any kind or not?
    2) If I do have a nanny, what would happen to my relationship with my daughter? I have seen a child who is more attached to the nanny that to the mother! How would I go about preventing that?
    3) If nannies are OK, which type should I look for? There is a craze here in London to have a seriously clever nanny (ideally from Western Europe, China or Japan depending on your price range) to teach your child a second language even before kindergarten. Is this actually a good idea?
    4) Is nanny necessary anyway? I have seen people having nannies even though they are not doing anything else or is that just too much ‘delegation of tasks?’ :upsidedown:

    Or is the whole idea seriously inadvisable and I should just raise my daughter myself? The person that has asked me back to a job can take ‘no’ for an answer so it is not serious. Thank you in advance for your advice and opinion!
     

  2. 1) Is it OK for me to go and work so soon even before my daughter’s 1st birthday and whether it will have an adverse impact of any kind or not?

    I'd say that all of that depends entirely on you, and the relationship you would like to have with your daughter. Personally, I went back to work when my son was 4 months old. He does not seem to have had an adverse effect from my absence, but I had very easy hours.

    2) If I do have a nanny, what would happen to my relationship with my daughter? I have seen a child who is more attached to the nanny that to the mother! How would I go about preventing that?

    If you only see your daughter before she wakes up and after she's fallen asleep when you get home from work, I'm sure she'll have a problem recognizing you when she sees you and probably attach to someone else who provides full-time care more.

    3) If nannies are OK, which type should I look for? There is a craze here in London to have a seriously clever nanny (ideally from Western Europe, China or Japan depending on your price range) to teach your child a second language even before kindergarten. Is this actually a good idea?

    Someone who actually cares for the well-being of your child and is affectionate and loves children is of far better importance than someone who teaches them a second language - that's my opinion, BTW.

    4) Is nanny necessary anyway? I have seen people having nannies even though they are not doing anything else or is that just too much ‘delegation of tasks?’ :upsidedown:

    I don't know why this is a relevant question. If you want to go to work, obviously you need a nanny unless you want to take your child to work with you. What other people do with their time and their nannies is not relevant to your own situation, I should think!
     
  3. Most people have to work when they have children so having adequate childcare is the smart thing to do. As far as hiring a nanny you should set boundaries in what you are looking for. Some nannies push their own agenda while others will follow your wishes. I think the nanny you choose depends on your personal preferences and budget not to mention your child's personality.

    Remember that your nanny will be spending a significant amount of time with your child so make sure that they mesh well. Also make sure you realize that nannies take care of your children and are not expected to do major housework. Raising kids is hard enough w/o added chores.

    I tried to be a stay at home but fact is I was bored so I found a great nanny thru my sister and she's been part of my family for 9 years. I went back to work f/t when my daughter was around 3 mos. I did make sure that I spent time with her too. My nanny is only in my home about 30 hours a week so everything else is up to me and DH.

    Other than finding someone safe and reputable as your caregiver make sure that you spend time with your child so that you guys can still remain close.
     
  4. I grew up with a nanny, and I loved her and it didnt impact my relationship with my parents I remember everyday when my mother or father would put me to bed and I would tell them everything I did that day and it was my favorite part of the day:love:....also my parents spent all the time wiht me they could all day on weekends and after work. As long as you treat your kids like they are the most important people in your life while your with them they know how much you love them.
     
  5. you asked so I am giving you MY opinion. I believe that since I gave birth to my children, I should raise them. Why would I hire someone to do my job.
    monica
     
  6. Well, I would love to have a nanny, but I'm settling for an almost full-time stay at home dad. I have to go back to work after 6 weeks (or sooner) because I am the only one who brings in a paycheck. I was bounced around between daycares (when my mom could afford it) and my grandmother's house. I don't ever remember resenting my mother or being any less close to her because of it. I think it would be neat for your child to learn another language that young (which really is the best time!!). I'm trying to get DH to brush up on his French just for that reason.
     
  7. I'm still trying to figure out if I'll go back to work after I have my baby, and when, so this was interesting for me. I haven't been through this yet, so these are just some of my own thoughts, not based on experience.

    1) Is it OK for me to go and work so soon even before my daughter’s 1st birthday and whether it will have an adverse impact of any kind or not?
    - I think most people have to go back to work after they have their baby. In the US, a lot of people only get 12 weeks of unpaid leave after having a baby (no paid leave at all!) and some can't afford to even take off that time. So, there are tons of people who go back to work after just a few months, and I think the majority of their kids are just fine.

    2) If I do have a nanny, what would happen to my relationship with my daughter? I have seen a child who is more attached to the nanny that to the mother! How would I go about preventing that?
    - I think the answer to this is to make sure to spend time with your child and pay attention to her. She will (and should) still be attached to her nanny -- you want her to be, since that's who she'll be spending a lot of time with. But hopefully she'll still think Mommy is the best!

    3) If nannies are OK, which type should I look for? There is a craze here in London to have a seriously clever nanny (ideally from Western Europe, China or Japan depending on your price range) to teach your child a second language even before kindergarten. Is this actually a good idea?
    - I think it's OK to look for this if you can find one, but it's more about having someone that your daughter really gets along one. I do think having someone with good English skills, who can read to your daughter and handle any situation that might arise, is important. There are a lot of people on my parents' club mailing list here in California who have nannies who primarily speak Spanish. I think it's absolutely fantastic if it's truly a second language, but a lot of them say that they use a friend or relative to interpret for anything beyond a basic conversation, which would worry me, personally.

    4) Is nanny necessary anyway? I have seen people having nannies even though they are not doing anything else or is that just too much ‘delegation of tasks?’
    - Your other alternative would be to find a good daycare for your daughter, but a good one would likely have a waiting list, and many don't take babies under 2 years. If you're considering staying and home and adding a nanny, I think that's up to you. I might consider it part time, so that I could get out by myself now & then, but I would personally feel odd about having a full time nanny and being home.
     
  8. Thanks for the heads up everybody! If I choose to work and have a nanny, I will definitely have to have a full-time one (at least 5x12 hours a week). Essentially the issue is: do you ladies think that 60 hours away from my daughter is too much or not?

    As usual, I make myself incomprehensible. What I meant is that if I decide not to work, then is it necessary to have a nanny. Lots of people seem to have one (and full-time at that!) even though they are not working so I am curious whether it is actually necessary or not.

    That is my original position but a nanny is the next best alternative if I choose to work because I have to be working at least 50 hours a week!

    That is so sweet :love: but I am not sure whether I can be that good a parent in comparison to yours :upsidedown:.
     
  9. Ah, well, Bee......it all depends on your definition of work. Some people like my grandfather who was a farmer considered working in the fields from sunup till late evenings work. He also thought that no-one who just sat in front of a computer and typed things or scribbled stuff on bits of paper (like me) did "work".

    By the same comparison, some people may consider shopping for designer items and getting manicures and pedicures and spa visits "work" (I know a couple people like that!) and therefore require a full-time nanny to go about their daily lives uninterrupted by children.
     
  10. True, but getting both is so much better. Learning a second language at that age is perfect! And believe me, your children will thank you later in life that they were taught another language. It gives them a huge advantage. IMO Chinese would be perfect, China is the soon to be new america you know... :upsidedown: Otherwise japanese would do fine as japan and its companies are the most numerous of asian ones in asia.
     
  11. I think that if it is at all possible then stay home with your kids. If it means going without some luxuries it is worth it. If you HAVE to work then a nanny is much better than daycare and as long as you spend good quality time with your kids when you are around your relationship should be just fine.
     
  12. hi bee....bee

    I feel your dilemma - it is not easy to juggle both.

    I will start with my personal experience. I am doing both but not as long as hours as you are suggesting. the longest so far has been 10 hours and that is occassionally. I was with him for his first year because I was working from home but that has changed now. I am currently pregnant with the second, and I will have a live-in nanny for sure. it won't be a seriously clever one (haha) but my son is already learning two native languages, mine and hubby's, so I feel that is enough.

    as for the two languages. it isn't a problem, as long as people are consistent, i.e. I only speak one language and hubby the other. it gets more confusing and too much when you add a third, I think.

    my son is going to kindergarten/day care but like I said, he went first time when he was 16 months. it was necessary by then, and I would not want him to stay alone with a nanny now, because he has more fun this way and has other kids to play. for the second, I will not be able to do stay at home for the first year, and that irks me. I feel i am not fair to the second child, kwim? but I can't do anything about it. now for a small baby a nanny is essential because they need a lot more care than a toddler, IMO. again, my job will allow me to work flexibly to some extent because I am set to nursing again for 12 months, the first 4-6 months only nursing, although I realise this is a personal choice.

    My son has a strong bond with both me and his father, and his father was not with him for the first year of his life. we lived in separate countries, work-related. my point there is that you can have a bond at any stage, and working will not 'ruin' that. until I moved here my son had been with his father a total of 5 weeks, and with me 12 months, and he loves his dad to pieces. i was very worried they might not have this bond, and everything was just fine. working mothers don't automatically miss out on everything, you just have to make up for it during the time you do have.

    I don't know whether you have already delivered - maybe I missed the due date or thread etc, but the question is also whether you are up to such a demanding schedule after just having had your first baby. your sleep schedule can be really messed up, and you might not get the sleep you need. when you come back from work, your baby might need you, and it sounds like you'd have tiring days...

    I don't think there is a straight forward answer, only that if I were you, I'd give it a try but if I found that it is not do-able, and you can afford to, I'd just stop.

    having a full-time nanny while not working, isn't not an issue but more a luxury than a necessity if you ask me. by the time a child needs a lot of entertainment, they are ready to meet the world, kwim? no nanny can teach your child interacting with other kids etc, so I'd rather look for a very good day care centre. when they are that small, they are relatively easy to take care of. I'd rather think you might need some help around a house.
     
  13. just want to say that whatever you decide go with a top top notch recruitment agency (good ones in new york and london) there is a lot of crap out there when it comes to staff. if you need adresses pm me i am quite experienced when it comes to staff (albeit never hired a nanny friends have) and can get you some contacts of very very good agencys
     
  14. wow is that true?? just out of curiosity, what nationality is the most expensive to hire??

    well, i just wanted to add that i've had friends who had nannys that taught them to be bilingual but the thing with languages is that it takes practice to maintain. and quite a few of them forgot how to speak the language when they went to school (and no longer had a nanny).
    if you had a nanny from another culture, and seeing their your child is spending the majority of time with them, they are going to be influenced. the chinese and japanese have a totally different outlook on child rearing to westerners (especially on the concept of discipline etc)... you might want to take that into account, and find a nanny who you think sees child rearing the same way as you. it will be less confusing for the child as well.

     
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