Question that I am dying to get your opinion on

  1. I have a friend who has two children. She is a very very very good friend. However, her parenting style completely baffles me and makes my head spin around like Linda Blair sometimes. I know that many of us have one of these friends.

    I'm not going to bore you with all the things that drive me crazy, but I want to share just this ONE particular thing. Here it is: When her children do some thing inappropriate she responds to them by saying in a very delicate and passive voice "No thank you." Now, I feel compelled to give you a couple examples so you understand exactly where i am coming from. ONe time, her four year old brought rocks into the house and was throwing them at the living room wall. My friend gently said to her "Cindy, no thank you for throwing rocks in the house." I was like WTF????? Are you kidding me? Or another example, in a less extreme situation, her one year old will toss her food on the floor and she will say "Kelli, no thank you. Are you finished eating?" Or if they start screaming, jumping on the furniture, having a temper tantrum...Yep, you guessed it, a very delicate "No thank you".

    Someone PLEASE tell me that i am not nuts and that this is most hideous form of disciplining in the world. Just to clarify one other thing, it is in my opinion that her children are very misbehaved children. Honest to God, people who know both of us make comments after they are gone about how it is sad that my two year old can behave ten times better than her five year old.

    OK, just had to vent that and am looking for thoughts on this. I mean, did she read this technique in some parenting book or something? I don't get it.
     
  2. Well, let me ask you this...when she does this "no thank you" thing, does it work? Do they stop?

    Parents have different ways of dealing with their children and she is obviously trying to take a low-key way. If her kids are not listening to a word she says, however, then that route is not working.

    I understand how you feel in terms of it drives you nuts.

    Perhaps one day you can say..."oh! I found this great book on parenting children" and give her a copy! LOL! Well, really though, that might work.
     
  3. That would drive me nuts too.
    She will have her work cut out for her in the years to come.
     
  4. You said it exactly!

    (I wish my kid would stop if I said "no thank you". In my case it's usually a "Can you please stop doing that?" or in more aggravating circumstances a full blown yell "Cut that out! Right NOW!")
     
  5. lol! I could see how this would drive you crazy, especially if they are not very well behaved, clearly this technique is not working. But I will say on the other hand, I know two parents who constantly yell at their poor children for everything, they can't even act like children. That drives me crazy too. People need to find a happy medium!
     
  6. NOOOOO, definitely doesn't work at all.....that is my point when I say her kids are monsters. I mean MONSTERS. Oh, I could tell you stories that would make your head spin....

    The problem, furthermore, is that every time that her children misbehave, she makes an excuse. Like it is someone else's fault other than her child's.

    I totally agree that screaming is not the answer. I am very firm with my son and they have actually told me that I yell too much. Mind you, I have never, ever "yelled" at my son in his two years. It is like they can't understand the difference between firm disciplining and yelling. Also, like I said before, my son behaves well for two years old while her children run rampant every where and completely disregard anything her parents say or anything that any adult says.

    It is not just me that sees this. It is everyone else too. They all keep saying the same thing to me - just wait until her kids get into school. She will have a rude awakening then.

    I guess the reason that this bothers me so much is that she brings her kids over to my house all the time. Her oldest has ruined tons of things in my house and she never offers to pay for it. She also asks me to baby sit but I finally nipped that in the bud (I hope). Then when her kids are here, they push my son around, who is so mild mannered and just kinda takes it. Then this friend will make comments like "Oh watch out (my son's name), Kelli is not going to take any crap from you." My husband, my MIL and our other friend have all heard this and it makes them just insane too because it is HER kid who is being a brat, not mine. And when i say this, I swear to you I am NOT one of those people who thinks their kids is an angel all the time. Quite the opposite, actually. I will readily admit and apologize to death if I think he is misbehaving. Actually, last night, I went over and apologized to the booth behind us for my son being so loud in the restaurant. They told me not to be ridiculous and that they see far worse in that same restaurant all the time.

    It has just gotten to the point where I don't want to be around her kids but how do you say that to one of your best friends?
     
  7. Crikey she's setting herself up for some problems! I would have to tell her that what she's doing just isn't working and she needs to be firmer with them

    *can hear a Nanny 911 call*
     
  8. ^^LOL - the hilarious thing is that she watches nanny 911. That is another aspect of this whole thing that boggles my mind!
     
  9. Seriously, if I were in your situation and it was one of my best friends...I'd start being so "busy" all the time. I mean it, there's no nice way out of it. If you think of talking to her about it, people are so touchy about their kids, she will probably resent YOU. It's not even worth it. I'd just be busy. Like, a lot.
     
  10. I think this is great advice.
     

  11. OK, completely off topic here, but what kind of puppies are those? They are SOOO cute! I want to steal them out of your picture!!! Are they yours?

    Ok, now back on subject, LOL, I have been trying to be very busy lately. It is just a situation that sucks because we have been friends for so long! The problem, too, with being busy or trying to be is that her and her husband think that I have all the time in the world on my hands because I am SAHM and they both work. Another frustrating aspect of our relationship:cursing:
     
  12. Gosh, this sounds a LOT like my in-laws...:wtf: (2 nephews aged 3 and 4). Fortunately they live across the country. The last time we saw them was a while back, thank goodness. At the time my 9 month old was there with their then-18mo old and 3yo. They are terrors, and the family just blames it on them "being gangsters, they are two boys one year apart". For example, they were so jealous of any attention that my son was taking away from them (and my son is like yours,mellow, just takes it to this day). They would both slap their parents/grandparents in the face spontaneously, HARD, and I would just gasp. They hit me and DH a few times, and I had NONE of it!!!

    Mom would reply quietly, "Don't do that. It's not nice." This was their motto. When they proceeded to HIT my son, multiple times, again, "Dont do that. It's not nice" in a monotonous, soft tone. They also dragged my son by the blanket that he was lying on every moment that I even blinked... yeah, there were times my son was on the couch on the blanket. And they would pull on the blanket while he was still on it...:wtf:

    I don't have any advice except to keep your distance as much as possible. Obviously, my IL's situation with their kids has snowballed since the last time we have seen them so we have not seen them since. But my DH went alone to see them about 6 mo ago, and the excuse now is, and I QUOTE, "I have never seen kids so refractory to discipline in my life..."
     
  13. Yes, they are 2 puppies that my dog gave birth to! They are pit bull terriors and they were so warm and squishy!! I have one of them still but there is nothing like a hot mushy puppy!!:heart::heart: