Question for parents of kids in sports

  1. I have a 12 yr old son that has been in basket ball this season. He has done well and really enjoyed it. A couple of games ago he got ripped by the coach in front of his mates about not wearing the shirt (he was wearing his jersey) that the coach gave to him. We were never told that it was mandatory to wear it. It just a blue shirt that says "Michigan" on it. We live in So Cal... Anyway I was a bit shocked but we went on. So yesterday Alex didn't want to go to practice, he had been feeling bad for two days coming down with a cold. So I said fine, he came home took some medicine which perked him up and he wanted to go over to his buddies house. I let him go over and play, well the buddies Dad took them to The Commons in our area and let them visit with other kids that were there and have dinner together. One of his team mates saw him, told the coach (I had previously let him know Alex wouldn't be at practice) and the coach called me this morning the day of our playoff game and said he wouldn't play my son because he had not gone to practice and was seen out at the Commons.
    Tell me what your response to this situation would be. I will tell you mine later...
  2. I'll probably ask the coach why he was doing that when he was informed of the child's absence because of illness. A kid can be not well enough to enjoy strenuous excercise but can go have a meal! I think the coach is just being petty, and I would call him up on it.
  3. Agree with you! Also your son wasn't feeling well! I think the coach is acting like a$$hole! My mom would have gone off the coach! I hope your son is feeling better.
  4. My response, too. Coach sounds like a jerk.

  5. i agree too:yes:
  6. The coach sounds like a jerk. I mean these are kids and they are supposed to be having fun. I have seen way too many coaches think they are "GOD" and they really get off on a power trip. Some of my friends have had their kids drop out of quite a few sports due to the coaches.
    I hope your son is doing OK, it is hard to see him punished for nothing.
  7. Both my husband and I come from sporty families and our son currently plays organized sports. While the coach does sound kind of jerky his behavior sounds pretty standard as sports go. Jerseys/uniforms are mandatory and kids usually sit on the bench if they aren't able to practice due to illness/other family reasons. Most coaches will hold the kid out form starting but let them play a portion of the game if only a little practice was missed.

    All this being said, if you have a problem with the coach's decisions please do let him know. Hopefully he won't be a total jerk and take it out on your kid.

    These days organized sports have taken on a life of their own and are nothing like they were when we were kids. My son is not much of an athlete and to be honest I am waiting for the day he says he doesn't want to play any more because between the ridiculously expensive uniforms, snacks, goodies, and other demands it is just getting to be too much.

    Hope everything works out for you and your son.
  8. Well, I hate to say it....but I agree with the coach, sports is a comittment like anything else. If he was too sick for practice, he should be too sick to play. If he picked up after the medicine he should have gone to practice, even if it was late. If practice was over, he should have stayed in and rested. You wouldn't let you child miss school and go play, would you?

    Wearing uniforms and matching practice shirts creates team unity and I can totally understand why the coach wanted to do this...the kids were probably told to wear the shirts when they were given out. By not doing so, it shows lack of respect for the coach, and inability to follow directions. I know you said you were not told it was mandatory, but the rest of the team had them, I would assume it was your son forgot to tell you, rather than the coach not saying so.

    Taking comittment serious and personal responsibilty is something severely laking these days. Sports is suppose to help teach kids some very valuable skills and lessons, which you are undermining if you disresepect the rules and allow him have a negative attitude towards the coach.

    Another thing, I would bet the coach is a up significant time to help kids....most coachs, PTA, scouts, etc volunteers are very thankless jobs....everyone has comments and complaints, but very few are actually willing to step up and volunteer.

  9. So what was your response, Chag?
  10. This coach is definately in the right even though you don't feel its fair. Without getting into details and being hung for starting that sentence. Let me say that both my daughters have played softball since they were 5 and my daughter attended college on a full scholarship for that sport. This is common for most coaches any shirt given at the start of the season is considered the uniform including pants, socks, etc. Also, my personal feeling when my daughter was is ill enough to not play or practice they stayed home no matter what. When my oldest was younger a team mate of hers did the same thing your son did and was benched for the next game. Sure it hurts being the parent and seeing our children go through things like this. But it does build character and when you get to college if you play a sport and are sick you attend that game no matter what. I guess it just depends on how far you want him to go in sports.

    I can back this up by saying my daughter who was a very good player at a young age was told she wasn't good enough to play with the team. The coach made her a designated hitter that season and she sucked it up. The sweetest thing was when they saw her playing ball her senior year of high school and when asked told them she would play in college. No coach should ever underestimate a player.
  11. I was a good mother and took him to the game and let him watch them play. He didn't get to play because I didn't let him the coach said that since he missed the practice he wouldn't know the new plays they had learned and he didn't want any of the other players getting sick. With regards to the shirt I don't think its necessary for the coach to berate and embarass the child in front of his mates. I can't imagine what he has said to the other players re him missing practice. But I am holding my tounge since it is the playoffs and soon over. I live in a world where the median income is close to 200k+ a year and they act like it kwim. I'm not saying ppl with money are bad I just think it changes their attitude towards others and sometimes it not for good. Thanks ladies for your responses
  12. ^^ In a way its a shame that kids can't play sports like when I was younger. It seems like anyone born in the 80's and after join a sport and it has become very strict. I have seen too many coaches think their kid is going to be the next major league or olympic player. This doesn't only go on in our median income but the teams my youngest plays against (inner city) their coachs treat them the same. Hopefully one day a coach can see that there needs to be fun in the game. Chag, I love this thread because I have seen both sides over my daughters 15 years. Like many Mom's I wish that in all aspects of life we could take a little pressure off of our kids and not only in sports but what goes on in classrooms in our public school is horrible too. Hence the removal and entry into private for our children. I just hope your son had a good season for the most part and that he doesn't want to quit if he loves the sport.
  13. I think the Coach was way out of line and you as his parent should let him know that.

    My daughter was a high leverl figure skater who started skating at 8. She skated 3 to 4 hours or more a day, 6 days a week. I hated it, she loved it. It was her choice to skate. One of her Coaches ALWAYS gave me lectures that I should home school Nicole so she could spend more time skating. I dont think so! If Nic didnt place at a competition, her coach blamed it on the fact that she was at school all day. (usually the girls who compete want to make it to the top half, my daughter usually always came in the top 3). So after months and months of lectures in front of Moms who did home school their kids (kids who were living Moms dream by the way) I FIRED her in front of the same group of moms! Boy did that feel good. NOBODY tells me how to parent.

    And that Coach was out of line because he was telling you in his own way how to parent your son.

    My daughter went on to compete around the world with figure skatings elite. In fact she skated 100% better once we fired her old Coach. I always hoped her old coach cringed whenever she saw her compete or perform.

    Coaches suck, I dont care what sport they are in. They seem to think whatever they do is for the kids best interest. The only ones who know that are we the parents. Coaches need to be put in line.
  14. My daughter started playing "official" school sports in 7th grade and this was quite common. If they missed a practice because of sickness or doctor appointment, then they could play in the next game. However, if they missed for any other reason, they could not play.

    She has done track, cross country, basketball, softball and golf for sports. ALL of them would have told her she could not play if she had missed a practice because of sickness and then was later seen in public socializing.

    I'm not saying I agree with it, but those are the rules where I live. It is not the coach that makes the rules; but the coach enforces the rules made by the school.

    ALL of my daughter's coaches have been wonderful. I am amazed at how dedicated they are to the sport they coach. I know what they are paid and there is no way on this earth that I would do the job they do for the pay they get. NO way.

    I agree with other comments that sports today are so different than when I was in school. Now that my daughter is a freshman, she has chosen only to do cross country and golf and I'm glad. The sports in our little town take precedence over EVERYTHING else, including academics. Our Quiz Bowl team (which my daugher is on) competed and scored high enough to go to the nationals in Chicago in May. Are we going? Nope. The school will not set aside money for that - only sports.

    However, I don't complain. My daughter is taking college classes along with her HS classes. She is going to shoot for getting her AA from the local community college at the same time she gets her HS diploma. The school DOES pay for her to do this and I think that's wonderful!
  15. Update..
    I got a call from the City last night. The fellow introduced himself and asked me if Alex played in the game and I told him no he did not, he started asking if it were my idea to keep him out and so forth and I told him I didn't understand why he was asking. He then told me that some coaches have been caught keeping the little ones out of the playoffs so the stronger ones can stay in the game and that there is a better chance if they win that way and wanted to know if I had kept him out of the game for illness or what. I told him Alex was sick and that I had given him medicine and he was feeling fine when the coach called. That the coach had been upset that he had been "seen" out at the commons later that night, to which he replied that was none of the coach's business. I told him that the coach felt it would be better if Alex did not play in the game because of his missing practice and the new plays he had taught that night and he also didn't want the others to catch his cold. I told him yes it was my idea to keep him out but it was at the insistance of the Coach. Do you think that was wrong?? I also sent an email to the coach with this conversation as a courtesy, I thought he should be aware of what happened. I also told him I in no way want to be involved in this, I don't want my son to be in a mess that was not of his own creation. I also stressed that I did not talk to anyone yet the fellow told me more than one person had spoke to him about this. I again told him that I don't want Alex involved, I don't want him to get the wrong idea about sports nor do I want to him to think that he isn't a good player and that is why he was kept out of the game. Opinions?