Potentially awkward situation: advice please

  1. Hi ladies,

    Feel free to be honest! As many of you know, I'm moving to Chicago in a couple months. Another girl whom I know and like coincidently is also moving there. We said that we would live together (makes rent a bit cheaper that way). We're not particularly good friends, but we get along well... we just have very different goals and values.

    I just found out that one of my best friends is willing to move with me to Chicago! The problem is: I want to live with her but I already said that I would live with that other girl. We haven't found an apartment or anything. 3 bedroom apartments are somewhat tough to come by (as my experience thus far has been, at least) and I am certain that there is no way these two girls could coexist peacefully.

    Should I do the "honorable thing" and keep my word to the first girl even though she's not my ideal roommate? I would have no idea how to break the news to the girl I was originally supposed to live with. I do feel some obligation even though we're not friends. However, there is still more than enough time for her to find her own place. I had agreed to live with her simply because I didn't know anyone else in the city. If it's shady of me to back out (despite not having an apartment or a lease yet) then I won't and I'll have to find some way to make this work.

    Thanks for your opinions, ladies, you know I count on you!!
  2. I think that you can tell her the truth that your plans have changed and that rooming with her isn't going to be an option now. You can leave it at that. Since she was moving to Chicago already, she would have had to find a place to live with or without you. It sounds like you will regret not living with the person you are close to, so doing this anyway would not be fair to you or the other person IMO. Best to be honest now so you avoid future headaches.
  3. Oh that's a hard question!!!! :shrugs: I think, maybe you can talk to her, and explain, somewhat, that your other friend also wants to live with you, maybe she won't like it, and starts looking for her own apartment.:push: But still it's a tough one, you already gave her your word.:shrugs:
  4. It's better to live with your ideal roommate since you'll be stuck with her for months to years. Maybe you can try helping the first girl look for housing.
  5. Better to tell her now than later...you haven't signed a lease. Since there's plenty of time for her to find a new place it should be alright. The longer you wait the harder it will be. Good luck!
  6. I dont know if you are moving from a small town or if you are already a "big city" lady, but values and goals are very important and in Chi-town there is a lot to do it is very diverse and if you are not on the same page values-wise then the potential for disaster is huge! Be true to yourself and tell her your plans have changed-if she presses you as to why then be honest with her.
  7. Just a different perspective - Many best friends who havel ived together as roomates end up not being friends anymore after living together.
  8. I would tell the first girl the truth....better to do it now then to have to suffer for a year in a lease and then walking away. This way she'll be financially prepared right now for having to live on her own.
    And you can always be the nice person and say that you'll keep your eyes open for a place for her as your doing your searching.
  9. I was sort of thinking the same thing. My preference is to live with people I'm not closer with, because then we either become closer or usually find a way to coexist as roommates peacfully. But I feel like when you're good friends with someone and then move in together, more often than not, there are problems... and they're harder to talk about because you brush it off as them being a good friend and you don't want to cause problems... and then it builds up and blows up. Is your other friend not going to move to Chicago if she doesn't have a roommate upfront?

    Btw, there is an agency that my bf went through to find his current place and they specialize in 3+ bedroom places. If you ever do end up needing that name, I can get you his contact person, she was really nice and showed us a bunch of places.
  10. Exactly what I was thinking. I know so many people from school that were roommates with each other and now can't stand each other. :yes: Most times you're better off with someone you can stand being around and aren't best friends with. If you need to have a difficult conversation with your best friend about something she is doing that is annoying you, that is way more difficult than telling someone who you're rooming with.

    IMO I would not let the girl be the odd man out. You've agreed to find a place with her and if you aren't going to be terribly unhappy, I would continue to live with the girl I originally planned on living with. However if you are going to be unhappy and you know it, then it's up to you to go to the girl and tell her. Live with your friend. However, before that's the case, I would do some really good research for a 3 bedroom apt. so everyone would be happy.

    I'm just thinking about the other girl and how unhappy I would be if I would have to find a 1 bd apt in such a big city like Chicago. I would be lonely and at least if I had someone, not my best friend, but someone I know, it would make it a lot easier.
  11. After living in Chi-town for many, many years for school, I'd also like to point out that it's very easy to find three bedroom apts. in the city. At least, it was always easy for me both on the South Side in Hyde Park and on the North Side in Lincoln Park, Wicker Park, and Bucktown (and I had friends who had three bedrooms in Andersonville, Uptown, Old Town).
  12. Tell her the truth and move in with your friend, if you know that's what will be the best for you. She should understand :smile:
  13. I would say stick to your word. Like someone mentioned before, unless you are going to be terribly unhappy with this girl, there is no reason to back out. I think you and your best friend will have a lot of fun living on your own in the city. If you do eventually decide that you can handle living together, then you can give your roomate notice at the end of the year (or however long your lease is).
  14. I say live with your best friend and let the other girl know up front that you will be unable to room with her. This is someone you will have to be sharing space with and it would be better if it is someone who holds your same values.

    BTW: if you dont mind me asking - what part of town are you moving to?
  15. If you're sure you'd love to move in with your friend more than the girl, tell her now so she has time to find another place and/or roommate.