PMS or Legitimate Reason to be Annoyed?

  1. Okay, I need to rant:hysteric:

    I'm going to change some of the actual wording, just in case my coworker pops in here (she tends to haunt forums and anywhere else she can express her opinions), but here is the gist of my annoying day:

    I'm a teacher and often, especially around this time of year, we get bogged down with work. When we first come in the morning, we spend what little precious time we have before class, prepping. Anyway, my co-worker, who is short in stature, used to be much bigger in width and had recently lost a lot of weight. She is EXTREMELY insecure and is constantly seeking validation. EVERY minute of EVERY flipping day, if it isn't about her weight, its about her work, or her hair, or whatever, and I suppose that it wouldn't be so bad if she wasn't so...whiny. I can only tell her how proud I am of her, etc. so many times before it gets exhausting. She is like an emotional vacuum cleaner, sucking up the kindness of colleagues who are trapped in the office with her. Example of the same typical conversation that I overhear with different colleagues, and which she also constantly initiates with me:

    "Is this dress too tight on me?" (coworker will say no)
    "Are you sure? Be honest." (coworker will say no, it looks fine)
    "You wouldn't lie to me, would you?" (coworker, lying, saying no, I wouldn't lie to you. You look great)
    "Ohh, I'm so glad that it looks okay, I worked so hard :crybaby:"
    (I added the emoticon because, I kid you not, she starts whimpering EVERYTIME, before bolting out of the room.)

    Anyway, tired of having the same conversation with her everyday for the last eight months, I try to avoid her as much as possible. This morning, she approaches me while I am feverishly prepping and says:

    "Remember that skirt of mine that you said you liked?"
    (I say yes, eyes still on my work, because if you make eye contact, she will keep talking)

    "Uhmm, you can have it if you like. It's too big on me (giggling), now that I have lost (she trails off as she sees the look on my face).... Oh, I didn't offend you, did I? I mean, well, uh, if you want it, you can have it."

    Now I realize that a size 10 on someone who is 5'1 is different from a size 10 on someone who is 5'9, but the fact still remains that the whole attempt was just weird. I would only give and take clothing from close friends and my sister, never from a colleague that annoys me, and even if I were to ever offer clothing to a coworker, I would never coach my offer in those terms.


    At this point, I'm afraid I lost my composure and tersely said "No! Thank you, but No!" The problem is that this coworker can't leave well enough alone and kept asking if I wanted it, and when I finally said, "No, no, no, no, NO. Thank you." She gave me the *whimper face* :crybaby: and stormed out of the office.:crybaby: At first, I was too busy to really let her actions sink in, but later, they did, and I started to get angry. By the end of the day, as I stood looking at the picture she has hanging over her desk of a smiling kitty wearing a crown with the words "To my favorite Princess" across the bottom [​IMG], I felt murderous.:cursing:

    I need other opinions--am I overreacting? I had a laugh over what happened with some other coworkers, but I keep going between thinking that the whole incident was so absurd it was funny, and wanting to burn that kitty poster she has above her desk.
     
  2. LOL! I worked with someone very similar... she would tower over my desk each day to whine and complain until I was almost suicidal. I even had a dream where she started to whine and I punched her in the nose! Talk about desperate. LOL!

    Eventually she quit the office, but she really nagged the bejesus out of everyone in that office.

    No, it's not PMS, but compared to me, you have been very patient!
     
  3. Completely agree.
     
  4. i would have been so pissed!

    Remember that skirt of mine that you said you liked?"
    (I say yes, eyes still on my work, because if you make eye contact, she will keep talking)

    "Uhmm, you can have it if you like. It's too big on me (giggling), now that I have lost (she trails off as she sees the look on my face).... Oh, I didn't offend you, did I? I mean, well, uh, if you want it, you can have it."
    Remember that skirt of mine that you said you liked?"
    (I say yes, eyes still on my work, because if you make eye contact, she will keep talking)

    "Uhmm, you can have it if you like. It's too big on me (giggling), now that I have lost (she trails off as she sees the look on my face).... Oh, I didn't offend you, did I? I mean, well, uh, if you want it, you can have it."


    what a b*tch.

    that's all i can say.

    if it was me though, i assure you i would have been speechless. i'm not used to that kind of confrontation and even so, it's hard to say...at one point you are coworkers, i'm sure she didn't mean to be hateful or b*tchy but on the other hand she can't think to say something like that and NOT hurt someone's feelings?
     

  5. Sometimes I think that she is genuinely clueless about how offensive she is, and other times I think that she means to be a B*tch. Like I said, I'm about 5'9, and though size 10 isn't model skinny, I'm by no means big for my height. She probably convinced herself that by offering me her skirt, she was being kind, but in reality, wanted to initiate yet another conversation about her weight loss and since I haven't been validating her every day, she was passive-aggresively getting back at me.

    I still want to kick her, though.
     
  6. lol, I can't blame you one bit. My Mom (and I love her bunches) just lost a ton of weight, and WATCH OUT if you don't say anything about her weight loss. She will steam about it for daaaays. She's started wearing clothing like my sister wears (mind you, sis is 20, 5'6, skinny, and stupid pretty). My 54 year old mother is trying to give me fashion advice now. lol, in fact all of her sisters are the same way, losing and gaining weight often, and they get so snippy with each other about it! It's hilarious to watch. Giggle and enjoy it :biggrin:
     
  7. It is possible that this person is somewhat, well, mentally ill, or at least pathologically manipulative and needy. This kind of person typically throws out little bombs and then watches with glee as they blow up and impact everyone else. As you said, they will suck you dry until you finally have to tell them to leave you alone then they get to act like the little victim. Run!
     
  8. You're right, I do think she is mentally ill. She is SO needy; she is like a typical pre-teen with her insecurities, yet she is in her early 30s! She has done some incredibly bizarre things. The most bizarre--invite me to lunch (this was before I realized how crazy she was), and then, in the middle of the lunch, burst out of the restaurant to the drug store across the street. She then proceeded to disappear into the bathroom, where she later told me she took a pregnancy test.:s

    Needless to say, that was the last time I ever went out to lunch with her.
     
  9. In high school, I used to take care of props for the musicals. Once I was in the play, but it was a bit part.


    Anyway, one girl who was the most amazing singer would get pretty big roles, and she would often say while she walked off stage from her songs, "Okay, that sucked." Nobody said anything to her but she kept saying it. At some point I wondered what would happen if someone answered her, "You're right, you sucked."
     
  10. I'm such a believer in "kill 'em with kindness" whereby you say something so nice and innocent, that hopefully the IDIOT would realize herself to either stop it or what a bizzitch she is.

    I would smile sweetly and say (in your NICEST voice), "Thank you so much but I'm sure you would understand that I have to decline your kind offer. You see, with our differences in height, I'm just afraid the skirt just won't look right on me."

    That way, you're NOT playing into her stupid, insecure compliment-groveling OR even acknowledging her weight loss. She can't grow taller, you can't shrink, so it's all moot.

    And if she offers another piece of clothing (god, I find that SO WEIRD ANYWAY), you can offer the same answer. AND she can't turn it around and ***** because it is what it is.

    Hopefully the dumb bizzitch will get it and finally leave you alone.

    Good luck!!!
     
  11. At some point, I don't think people would blame you for snapping, "All RIGHT! We GET it! You lost a lot of weight and you look good! STOP mentioning it!"
     
  12. Funny, but a couple of people have already told her this. She just. doesn't. get. it.
     
  13. Good advice! I don't know if it will work on her--she has a penchant for being unable to read people--but it is worth a try.
     
  14. At her very first words I think you would have been entirely appropriate in saying, "I'm so sorry, but I don't have time to chat. I simply MUST finish this prep before first hour."

    That would effectively end any conversation before it began. Likewise, I would be terribly, terribly busy each and everytime she came to my office. Even a needy, insecure, wimpering annoyance would have to get the hint eventually.
     
  15. Wait! You must be talking about my ex co-worker! She's in MN, so maybe they are related? I can feel your anger, frustration, guilt for feeling "mean" while you were provoked, not being able to escape from conversations that involve her, etc. I totally understand where you are coming from!

    Why do employers put up with these people? :confused1: