Please Help! Running out of Relationship Advice

  1. Ok, so what would you ladies do in a situation like this? I am not finding any more good advice to give after watching someone suffer in relationship yo-yo hell for, goodness, 7 or 8 years by now.

    “Linda” lets call her is married to “Paulo” they love each other dearly, but Paulo is not a necessarily stable guy, to say the least. He will treat Linda so well for a month, and then he will just lose it and go “silent” he just comes home, ignores her, treats her as if she is a burden to him…just shuts off…so, the past two times this has happened Linda has said…”ok, that is enough, you are making me crazy and I am losing my life by trusting you when you are nice…feeling safe…and then you go and pull the rug out from under my feet…you are like two different people!” He suddenly snaps back…goes to the shrink, acts like nothing happens, begs her to stay….and, hey she loves him…so she sets herself up for yet another repeat of the drama…

    He refuses relationship counseling, and she has found a new emotions better known as “suicidal tendencies” …he seems oblivious…honestly. He loves her, but he just can’t see that she isn’t ok anymore because of this yoyo hell…(she is in therapy now…but she stopped the Zoloft a couple of weeks ago…not a good move, I’m thinking)

    Finally, a couple of months ago, she hit the road to be alone and think…got home, and even though he was being nice, she asked him to move out, so he did…then, they became as friends again…she was happy things were going so well…so, a week after he moves out, she invites him to her apartment for dinner…long story short, he didn’t leave again…they became like newly weds again…and all of us secretly hoped and prayed that maybe he learned how to treat her since she had gone so far as to get on an airplane…

    No such luck…

    Paulo came home after work one day…looked at her with disgust…she had actually cooked a lovely meal…his favorite…she had been guarding her heart…but, just when she decided to let the guard down…he did it again…he came home, walked into the bedroom, ignored the table, put on his headphones and turned up the television…Linda cried and cried, and then finally called me…she is now embarrassed that it has happened again…that she has again played the fool and is afraid that her friends will stop talking to her since she has been so gullible, they have picked her up a million times, and back she goes…

    He doesn’t beat her…he doesn’t yell…he just treats her with cold indifference…and she is lucky if she happens to even know why…

    I am afraid it is too much this time. I think she should change the locks and throw his stuff out…

    The problem is…I think our Paulo is very ill, and he doesn’t even know what he is doing…

    EEEEKKKSSS! What would you say to a friend in this situation? How would you help?
     
  2. counseling, counseling, counseling.
     
  3. I agree with this too. Counseling for your friend Linda regardless of whether Paulo is in her life or not.

    "The defintion of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again, expecting a different result." Einstein
     
  4. yah, she is in counceling. I guess we might just need to give her some time to find out that she is not responsible for his illness...

    such a good quote from Einstein! wasn't he an abusive hubby himself?
     
  5. She needs to boot him out for good, regardless of what he says he feels for her. Then counselling and rebuilding her life. Just my two cent.
     
  6. Yep, I think I might just give her this advice...she has been in counceling, and she still doesn't seem to be able to burn this bridge...I think she might just need to quit him "cold turkey"...

    you know, her councelor advised her that prehaps she should find a boy friend to help her make the transition...only in France!

    ...honestly, though...maybe she should just do that...I dunno....:blink:
     
  7. And possibly fall into another abusive relationship? Jeez...
    Perhaps you need to do something to help her? Take her on holiday or something, or take her to a hammam.
     
  8. She definately needs counseling. Too bad she took him back so soon!
     
  9. yah...exactally...you are right...I think she is really an "abusive man" magnet...she doesn't seem too keen to be with any man right now...so, perhaps that means she might be healing anyway...at least today anyway!
    Hammam is a good idea...I've never done that...where do you recommend I take her in Paris...?
     
  10. I know! She was doing SO WELL...and now...wow...I've only seen her this low one time. But she is really good at bouncing back...just as long as she stops letting him bounce back...
     
  11. I agree, we can't really heal until we give ourselves enough time. Hopefully with your help she can see that. I wish her well and will keep her in my prayers.
     
  12. thank you serendipity...she is a precious person and I think your prayers will only help. Thank you.
     
  13. Hammam Pacha has a sterling reputation and good reviews from my friends. The Hammam at the Grand Mosq isn't as nice in terms of cleanliness and it's always over-crowded.
     
  14. It sounds like 1) he may not be interested in her, 2) he takes the whole situation for granted, or 3) he is depressed.

    Ummm advice? I think couple therapy or helping her see that there are man out there that will treat her better that she will love.
     
  15. They both need help...seriously.She needs counseling to STAY away from him and he needs to find out what the causes of his mood swings are..possibly bi-polar???With meds..He could possibly have a normal life again...she needs her friends more than ever..to help keep her mind OFF of him.Good luck..I hope she is OK...Let us know how she is