Please guys, I NEED your advice

  1. This problem has been on my mind since last night. I have no one to talk to about this, because if my I tell my family or friends, they will hate my boyfriend.
    First, background info:

    We've been dating for 3 years. Long distance. We're both in the medical field (he's a doc and I'm in medical school). So we're not getting married until I finish school (May 2008). We had a beautiful love in the beginning, but when he moved away is when our problems began. I started medical school and had a lot of trouble balancing my studies and visiting him. Under stress I gained weight, and I put on a good 25 pounds. Since I started studying for boards ( this past summer), I've lost all the weight, and then some. I'm 5'11 and 140, which is underweight for my height. So my bf is loving it. And he keeps talking about it to me and his buddies. My impetus to lose weight was for multiple reasons:

    1. it was summer and I wanted to look better
    2. he told me he wish I was thinner back in December, when we were together for Christmas break. Which absolutely BLEW MY MIND away because I didn't think he cared and I didn't know my weight had been on his mind.
    3. Studying for boards was stressful and I forgot to eat at times.

    So, I'm thin now but the pain/drama is not over. Yesterday he told me something that broke my heart into a million pieces. Something that I didn't know his heart was capable of. Something that I didn't think would be an issue after I gave him 3 years of my life. After all the tears I shed, all the effort I put into changing myself, and all the compromising I did. All of which he is astutely aware of.
    So here's what happened. I was shoe shopping yesterday and talking on the phone with him at the same time. He was telling me how he was in the hospital elevator and he saw some "fat lady with a big ass" with her kid. He said that he looked at her and thought "God, I hope that doesn't happen to me". I replied, "Geez, I didn't know you were THAT shallow", "what if I get that fat?". He said that he doesn't want his wife to ever be fat. I said, well, it could happen you know. He then told me, "then there's no point for us to get married". I said you must be kidding me, you want to throw away what we have if there's a possibility I get fat later? He said, "if you can't promise me that you won't get fat, I don't see a point in taking the next step". I said, "I'm sorry, I just can't promise you that because I wouldn't want to break a promise. I also don't know how my work schedule/life will be like, so I don't know if I will have time to workout everyday". He said, "well, if you want to be with me, that's something to think about".

    I'm a being irrational or is he a COMPLETE DICK???!!!! He keeps telling me that I should want to make him happy so I should have no problem promising him that. But should he give me a condition like this for marriage, esp. after 3 years of being together. Please help!!! Thoughts please:crybaby::crybaby:
     
  2. He is a complete DICK!!!!
     
  3. I think he is a complete ahole and you should give him the boot....I am sorry...
     
  4. :sad: Sorry that you've wasted 3 years with that loser:cursing: if that's what he said....BYE! And I can't believe that he's a doc.:yucky:

    You deserve better sweetheart:yes: I think you should focus on your study right now and good luck!:flowers:
     
  5. I think if I were with this guy I would eat eat eat. Just to compensate for his shallowness and lack of self worth. Boy some guys.... He should take a flyin leap somewhere.
     
  6. I was once involved with a man like this when I was in my early 20s. First, I was too fat. So then I lost weight. Then it was something else- my breasts were too small, hair the wrong color, etc. I realized it would NEVER END and got out of the situation.

    Unfortunately I've met a few male male doctors who were extremely self absorbed individuals, but there are also nice ones out there. If you are in med school, you can easily meet the second kind. I'm sorry this has happened- you definitely deserve better.
     
  7. He is an complete ass! What a shallow thing to say to you. You definitely deserve better than that. He should love you for who you are NOT what you look like. What a jerk!
     
  8. Run for the hills! Dump his ass NOW!

    If he wants to control your weight, what else will he want to control? Why should he get to decide what weight is "acceptable" for you? If he TRULY loved you, his love wouldn't be contingent upon the numbers on the scale!

    What other 'rules' will he have for you? What else will he find unacceptable further down the road? Believe me, this guy will NOT be there for you when the going gets rough. What if your appearance became altered in some other way..say - heaven forbid - you needed chemo and lost your hair? This jackass will bail, I am sure.

    I had a friend who was considering marrying someone who had told her that her current weight was "accpetable" but she would "not be allowed to gain any more weight" during the marriage. EVERYONE...including the rabbi....told her to run!

    A guy like this will only bring misery and heartache in the long run. Dump his ass now. You deserve better! And you WILL find someone who loves for the important things...who you are as a person.
     
  9. Leah has made some very good points! I can't believe he would do that to you! How can you possibly promise him that you will never gain weight? What if you developed some sort of health problem later on in life? As a doctor he should really know that is something you can't guarantee.

    Get rid of him!
     
  10. Bluebunny -

    He's obviously not the person you thought he was or fell in love with. It sucks, but I agree with the other girls. He's a complete ******* and you deserve better. Don't waste anymore of your time on someone who clearly is not a good person at heart and wants nothing more than a trophy. DICK!
     
  11. OH BOY....RUN LIKE THE WIND..................What a freakin A- HOLE!! You deserve so much better than that scum!!

    When you find someone who truly loves you FOR YOU....he will NOT care if you were 100 pounds vs 400 pounds..Trust me.....My PHH would care less if I gained a ton of weight and I know it.Thats LOVE.
    You will find someone better...concentrate on school....and ditch him FAST.
     
  12. You are sooooo much better off without this jerk. So sorry. :heart: :flowers:
     
  13. BlueBunny, you have gotten some great advice here from women who have been there, and even though you might be thinking "but he is different, or he will change", you would be best to move on. Marrying him will lead to a very unhappy life. He sounds mean, which I think is downright scary.
     
  14. I can't believe he actually said that. This guy doesn't deserve you. Ditch him.
     
  15. Dump his sorry ass!
    Sorry, that is completely unacceptable!