This problem has been on my mind since last night. I have no one to talk to about this, because if my I tell my family or friends, they will hate my boyfriend.
First, background info:
We've been dating for 3 years. Long distance. We're both in the medical field (he's a doc and I'm in medical school). So we're not getting married until I finish school (May 2008). We had a beautiful love in the beginning, but when he moved away is when our problems began. I started medical school and had a lot of trouble balancing my studies and visiting him. Under stress I gained weight, and I put on a good 25 pounds. Since I started studying for boards ( this past summer), I've lost all the weight, and then some. I'm 5'11 and 140, which is underweight for my height. So my bf is loving it. And he keeps talking about it to me and his buddies. My impetus to lose weight was for multiple reasons:
1. it was summer and I wanted to look better
2. he told me he wish I was thinner back in December, when we were together for Christmas break. Which absolutely BLEW MY MIND away because I didn't think he cared and I didn't know my weight had been on his mind.
3. Studying for boards was stressful and I forgot to eat at times.
So, I'm thin now but the pain/drama is not over. Yesterday he told me something that broke my heart into a million pieces. Something that I didn't know his heart was capable of. Something that I didn't think would be an issue after I gave him 3 years of my life. After all the tears I shed, all the effort I put into changing myself, and all the compromising I did. All of which he is astutely aware of.
So here's what happened. I was shoe shopping yesterday and talking on the phone with him at the same time. He was telling me how he was in the hospital elevator and he saw some "fat lady with a big ass" with her kid. He said that he looked at her and thought "God, I hope that doesn't happen to me". I replied, "Geez, I didn't know you were THAT shallow", "what if I get that fat?". He said that he doesn't want his wife to ever be fat. I said, well, it could happen you know. He then told me, "then there's no point for us to get married". I said you must be kidding me, you want to throw away what we have if there's a possibility I get fat later? He said, "if you can't promise me that you won't get fat, I don't see a point in taking the next step". I said, "I'm sorry, I just can't promise you that because I wouldn't want to break a promise. I also don't know how my work schedule/life will be like, so I don't know if I will have time to workout everyday". He said, "well, if you want to be with me, that's something to think about".
I'm a being irrational or is he a COMPLETE DICK???!!!! He keeps telling me that I should want to make him happy so I should have no problem promising him that. But should he give me a condition like this for marriage, esp. after 3 years of being together. Please help!!! Thoughts please
First, background info:
We've been dating for 3 years. Long distance. We're both in the medical field (he's a doc and I'm in medical school). So we're not getting married until I finish school (May 2008). We had a beautiful love in the beginning, but when he moved away is when our problems began. I started medical school and had a lot of trouble balancing my studies and visiting him. Under stress I gained weight, and I put on a good 25 pounds. Since I started studying for boards ( this past summer), I've lost all the weight, and then some. I'm 5'11 and 140, which is underweight for my height. So my bf is loving it. And he keeps talking about it to me and his buddies. My impetus to lose weight was for multiple reasons:
1. it was summer and I wanted to look better
2. he told me he wish I was thinner back in December, when we were together for Christmas break. Which absolutely BLEW MY MIND away because I didn't think he cared and I didn't know my weight had been on his mind.
3. Studying for boards was stressful and I forgot to eat at times.
So, I'm thin now but the pain/drama is not over. Yesterday he told me something that broke my heart into a million pieces. Something that I didn't know his heart was capable of. Something that I didn't think would be an issue after I gave him 3 years of my life. After all the tears I shed, all the effort I put into changing myself, and all the compromising I did. All of which he is astutely aware of.
So here's what happened. I was shoe shopping yesterday and talking on the phone with him at the same time. He was telling me how he was in the hospital elevator and he saw some "fat lady with a big ass" with her kid. He said that he looked at her and thought "God, I hope that doesn't happen to me". I replied, "Geez, I didn't know you were THAT shallow", "what if I get that fat?". He said that he doesn't want his wife to ever be fat. I said, well, it could happen you know. He then told me, "then there's no point for us to get married". I said you must be kidding me, you want to throw away what we have if there's a possibility I get fat later? He said, "if you can't promise me that you won't get fat, I don't see a point in taking the next step". I said, "I'm sorry, I just can't promise you that because I wouldn't want to break a promise. I also don't know how my work schedule/life will be like, so I don't know if I will have time to workout everyday". He said, "well, if you want to be with me, that's something to think about".
I'm a being irrational or is he a COMPLETE DICK???!!!! He keeps telling me that I should want to make him happy so I should have no problem promising him that. But should he give me a condition like this for marriage, esp. after 3 years of being together. Please help!!! Thoughts please
Sorry that you've wasted 3 years with that loser
if that's what he said....BYE! And I can't believe that he's a doc.
I think you should focus on your study right now and good luck!
