Pet Rules


    To be posted VERY LOW on the refrigerator door - nose height.

    *Dear Dogs and Cats,

    The dishes with the paw print are yours and contain your food. The
    other dishes are mine and contain my food. Please note, placing a paw
    print in the middle of my plate and food does not stake a claim for it
    becoming your food and dish, nor do I find that aesthetically pleasing
    in the slightest.

    The stairway was not designed by NASCAR and is not a racetrack.
    Beating me to the bottom is not the object. Tripping me doesn't help
    because I fall faster than you can run.

    I cannot buy anything bigger than a king sized bed. I am very sorry
    about this. Do not think I will continue sleeping on the couch to
    ensure your comfort. Dogs and cats can actually curl up in a ball when
    they sleep. It is not necessary to sleep perpendicular to each other
    stretched out to the fullest extent possible. I also know that
    sticking tails straight out and having tongues hanging out the other
    end to maximize space is nothing but sarcasm.

    For the last time, there is not a secret exit from the bathroom. If by
    some miracle I beat you there and manage to get the door shut, it is
    not necessary to claw, whine, meow, try to turn the knob or get your
    paw under the edge and try to pull the door open. I must exit through
    the same door I entered. Also, I have been using the bathroom for
    years --canine or feline attendance is not mandatory.

    The proper order is kiss me, THEN go smell the other dog or cat's
    butt. I cannot stress this enough!

    *To pacify you, my dear pets, I have posted the following message on
    our front door:

    *To All Non-Pet Owners Who Visit & Like to Complain About Our Pets

    1. They live here. You don't.
    2. If you don't want their hair on your clothes, stay off the furniture. (That's why they call it "fur"niture.)
    3. I like my pets a lot better than I like most people.
    4. To you, it's an animal. To me, he/she is an adopted son/daughter
    who is short, hairy, walks on all fours and doesn't speak clearly.

    *Remember: Dogs and cats are better than kids because they:

    1. Eat less
    2. Don't ask for money all the time
    3. Are easier to train
    4. Usually come when called
    5. Never drive your car
    6. Don't hang out with drug-using friends
    7. Don't smoke or drink
    8. Don't worry about having to buy the latest fashions
    9. Don't wear your clothes
    10. Don't need a gazillion dollars for college, and
    11. If they get pregnant, you can sell their children.
  2. Even if my cat could read this, he'd probably just rip it off, crumple it up and bat it around the house.

    Thanks for posting, funny!
  3. Oh, this is so true. I just read it aloud to my dogs. Hopefully they'll catch on although I hardly think so since they are now snoring loudly on my bed!
  4. Very cute. :smile:
  5. you know... i've tried explaining some of these things to them, and they just don't listen :smile:

    made me laugh though - thanks!
  6. LOL! I love it! Thanks!
  7. :roflmfao:
  8. :roflmfao: :roflmfao:
    Story of my life!
  9. I'm going to read this to Ruby. But I don't think she cares b/c she's already the :queen: of the house!
  10. That is so cute and funny! I love cats and dogs.
  11. :roflmfao: That is sooooooooooooo true!!!!!!!!! I had a California King and with all 5 animals, my hubby & me there was no room...they were on our heads, our legs lol
  12. :nuts::upsidedown: LOL!!
  13. LOL this is great!!! hahaha!!

    If only my dog & kitty would understand!!
  14. Hahaha great i love it !! :heart:
  15. Ahahahahaha that's cute!