parenting "situation" wwyd LONG!

  1. I LOVE posting here to get different view points here! Here is what happened:
    I have a 7 year old girl and a 5 year old boy. My neighbor has a 3 year old girl. My neighbor and I have become pretty good friends and we live in a cul de sac with a park smack in the middle. SO I life a few feet away from the park. Anyways, her daughter is a only child and her husband is a *ss. And a master manipulater, he has hit her before. He puts her down and says she is a bad mother because their daughter is LOUD and she is not vey well disciplined. A couple of weeks ago, my daughter and son did not want to play with her so the father of the girl got mad at my kids and told them they better be nice and play with his daughter. OK, I heard him and stupid me let it go, I should have called them in. So he was playing baseball with the other kids (the other kids did not want to play with her either) but since the father brought out the baseball, they wanted to play baseball, so my kids ran over to play to- he made my 2 little ones stand there and watch. SO my 2 little ones, were just standing there watching. So the kids get bored and join my 2 kids and they decide to hide from the little girl. The father freaks out and starts yelling at his daughter to stay away and to not play with my kids. SO he walks by my house tlaking crap about my daughter saying I did not raise her right and my daughter can no help being so mean and he went on and on. I wanted to tell him something, but he has cussed out his neighbor calling her every name in the book and simply- I got scared. I am such a wuss. I know my daughter heard him and I called he inside and explained that it was not nice of them to run and hide from the girl. My daughter felt really bad and started crying. SO I just told her if you do not want to play with the girl just tell her and do so kindly.
    But the mother gets mad at my kids and tells them if her daughter can not play with them- they can not play at all. NOw, would it be out of line for me to to tell the wife that I overheard her husband talking crap about my kids and my "parenting"? Now, I feel so uncomfortable around her and I see her husband and I want to kick his ass! What would you do?
    monica
     
  2. Sounds like a situation I would just stay away from and keep my kids away from.
     
  3. I don't understand this statement. SHE tells your kids that they can't play with each other?

    Leave the neighbors alone. And I mean strictly alone. Don't let your kids play with the neighbor kid, don't have confrontations with them. If you do talk, even to the mom she may tell the dad and if he gets aggressive toward you you may have to call the police.

    Besides your daughter is 7 and her daughter is 3. Those ages don't play well together and I find that at that age, (unless they are siblings) a few years age difference means a vast disparity in play patterns.

    And DON'T let other adults, especially abusive ones intimidate your kids or even have contact with them.
     
  4. I agree with both whom posted above ^^
    Just leave the situation alone. No more conversations, NOTHING.
     
  5. I agree BUT the only problem is I don't think the mom of the 3 year old know why I am pissed. We are/were pretty close friends and with 2 other moms in the neighborhood. SO when we go somewhere most likely she will come along. ANd the mom of the 3 year old gets upset when the other kids that are all older do not want to play with her daughter, so she tells them they have to play with her or they can not play at all! BUt the father now tells his daughter not to play with my kids and I told my kids not to play with the daughter when the father is out. And to basically stay away form the father. The problem is we all share the same park. The park is literally 15 steps from our front door. So it is hard telling my kids oh such and such person is out you can not play. I hate doing that because they could care less about parental conflict!! But I want to know what are your opnions on me telling the wife what I heard her husband say about my kids?
     
  6. First, the woman has no place telling your or anyone else's kids that if they won't play with her child they cannot play at all. The park, presumably, is public. If she said such a thing to my children, I would correct it immediately. The solution is to have your children supervised outdoors while playing as it is doubtful that adults will say nearly as much with another adult nearby.

    If the man followed my kids into my yard, there would be hell to pay. Abusive speech is unacceptable, but it is prosecutable on my property. I agree about avoiding the neighbors entirely, including the wife. If she cares to know or ask why you are being cold, I would tell her what happened and I would also tell her that given the age disparity between the children she was out of line insisting that they play with her 3 year old.

    If the kids choose to play with the neighbor child of their own accord in the park, then fine, unless the 3 yo's parents will have a fit (they might). Even so, again I doubt much would be said either way with you present.
     
  7. I've read most of your posts and realize that you are a kindhearted non-confrontational type of person. It's hard to deal with a situation like what you have.

    1. Nobody should tell your kids who to play with or not except you. Explain to your neighbor that 7 year olds and 3 year olds play very differently and you would not like to be liable for any accidents that occur if they do play together.

    2. If the wife asks why your kids don't want to play with her kids, then you could tell her that her husband is intimidating / insulting your kids. Be careful because sometimes women of that nature (who suffer abuse at home) talk to their husbands differently than you would expect - as if you were at fault and the husband was right, always. This might cause the husband to get aggravated against you and accuse you of telling tales about him to his wife.


    3. The best way to deal with this is for you to supervise their play for a while. I think you have a younger child (?) and it is probably easier for you to have them outdoors and out of your hair, but if such a situation gets aggravated by something your kids unwittingly did, you do NOT want to face such a situation. Why do you let some other guy to be abusive towards your kids?

    If something like that happened to my kid, I'd get my kid to come indoors immediately and say something like "I'm calling you inside because you aren't playing nicely and you are getting yelled at by someone who should know better than to yell at other people's children" loudly enough so he could hear!
     
  8. If something like that happened to my kid, I'd get my kid to come indoors immediately and say something like "I'm calling you inside because you aren't playing nicely and you are getting yelled at by someone who should know better than to yell at other people's children" loudly enough so he could hear![/quote]
    LOVE that! I do have a 3 month old and I do sit by the window and watch them but during that situation, I got up to get something and I missed some of what he was saying. I thought he was telling them how to hit the ball or something. BUt in any case, I NEED to sit out side with them and watch them because you all are right he will not say something to them if we are outside. And I am sure he has already told his wife not to talk to me or my kids because when he is home she ignores me and when he is not home she talks to me. Both parents get mad at the other kids in the neighborhood if they are not playing with their daughter. So I did warn the other parents to keep an eye on the husband when he is around.
    thank you all so much for your much needed advice. I appreciate it so much.
    monica
     
  9. First and foremost, protect your kids. Keep your distance from those neighbors, they ALL sound abusive on some level. If for some reason the mother approaches you, be blunt, tell her why you are upset, and make it clear that you are not going to engage in a fight with her or her nutbag husband. Be safe:smile: