Opinions on eloping?!?!

  1. OK my wedding is not until November of 2008 but it is so *^&%$^& expensive!!

    My parents are paying for it, but a small part of me feels that it is almost a waste to spend 20-30 k on an event that is only 1 day...

    Plus, the $ that my parents would have spent on the wedding could go to the down payment of a house...

    Which brings me to my question: how do you feel about eloping? Has anyone here eloped? Is it something that I will regret down the road? Is there a way to include a few of your closest family members?

    Ugh I am so torn and confused!!

    Oh and I should add that if we eloped, we would get married at the place we are planning to honeymoon:

    either a: the Montage Resort in Laguna Beach, CA or

    b: the Four Seasons LA in Beverly Hills, CA.

    TIA!!:heart: :yes:
     
  2. I think you might regret it later! It wouldn't be eloping if you were surrounded by all the people you love. Maybe it would be better to talk to your parents about having a small intimate wedding instead.
     
  3. It sounds to me that the big fancy wedding isn't too terribly important to you. Lots of women these days forgo the big wedding for the house down payment. I got married 5 years ago and if I were to do it all over again, I'd DEFINITELY elope and then just have a super-casual get-together with only very close friends and family afterwards, like for cocktails/appetizers at a restaurant (where I would wear a gorgeous ivory knee-length dress). When I got married, I was younger and more starry-eyed, and at the time having a fairytale wedding was SOOO important to me. So you just have to ask yourself the question --- will I REALLY be OK with not walking down an aisle with all eyes on me, swapping vows in front of friends and family and having all the traditional wedding photos?

    Some of the most beautiful wedding photos I've seen are the ones of couples being married at City Hall with just 2 witnesses. Total romance, because it's obvious that they are there ONLY for each other, and they're not at all concerned about the pageantry of a big wedding.

    Or, you could do something "halfway" and have a TINY beach wedding, either somewhere in your state or a more exotic place like Kauai. Just you, your FH, your parents/siblings, and a handful of your best friends. You could get married on a beach and then have a casual dinner afterwards at a local restaurant. With beach or outdoor weddings (i.e. on a mountaintop of a forest preserve), you don't need flowers or facility rentals or costly things like that.

    I would suggest talking about it with your FH and sleeping on it over a few weeks before you make a decision. I think it's great that you're even thinking about this option and being so open-minded!
     
  4. I vote for elope! Laguna Beach is fantastic....Beverly Hills is more city life....Sounds like fun!
     
  5. I would go with the idea of a tiny wedding at the Laguna Beach with very close family, then use the rest for the house. If I was you would have a word with my parents and tell them this is what you want. I would not elope and not tell your parents, this is a big thing for all of you and I am sure they would hate to miss it.
     
  6. I could never have eloped because I know my parents would never forgive me. If your parents will be fine with it, why not?
     
  7. i loved our wedding, but personally, if i had it to do over i would elope....or push harder for it at least. then again, hubs and i are seriously introverted.

    i think it really comes down to you and your fiance's personalities, families and how much an elopement will alienate your relationships with said family and with each other. :s that's something you'll have to decide on your own...
     
  8. I say do whatever makes you happiest, it's your wedding after all *but* if your parents are willing to pay $20-30K for your wedding, they probably really want to see you get married. I would discuss it with them, maybe talk about having a private ceremony with them (maybe all 4 of you could go away & they can act as your witnesses?) or a party after you elope.

    Best of luck whatever you decide!
     
  9. When I got married I wanted immediate family only. Just my mom, brothers, dad...and dhs bro, sis, parents. (Although some more of dhs relatives showed up..not many though..whatever.) I did not want a big wedding. I just wanted to "be married" and be with my dh. That's all I wanted. Sooooo, spending all the money for 1 day didn't make sense to me. Not to mention all the stress that goes along with it.

    I wanted to get married in Las Vegas (just because I love the excitement of it all, the city is so nice with all the lights etc.) Dh wanted to get married in the church. Which was fine w/ me. We're both Catholic.

    So, we did all the pre Catholic classes that you do before getting married in the church and sent our paperwork to a Catholic church in Vegas.

    Dh paid for the wedding which wasn't much. We got married at 11am, immediate family...the only flowers we had were mine. My Matron of Honor was my mom, no bridesmaids. My dh bestman was my bro, no groomsmen.

    Afterwards we took a few pics...no photographer. We filmed it ourselves. Then we went to a restaurant and ate. Had a small cake.

    Everyone left after we ate....Dh and I were dead tired so we went to our room and slept. Then we had a great time in Vegas for a few days.

    I don't regret it at all!!!!!! Actually I wouldn't have had it any other way. In May we'll have been married 14 yrs. Time flies! :yes:

    Neway do what makes you happy. If you're having doubts then definitely discuss it with your parents and see what they think. In the end it's your wedding...

    Good Luck!!!!!!!!!!!!!!;)
     
  10. I say if that's what you and your fiance want then just elope!! I agree that the money is probably better to put down on a house than to blow it on a huge fancy wedding.

    If the relatives don't like it....too bad for them...this is YOUR marriage and YOUR choice....not theirs!! (Although mom and dad will have to agree cuz they're the ones fronting the moola!!)
     
  11. It's ONE day of the rest of your lives together.

    Hubby and I went the least expensive route but still had a lovely church wedding. My mom provided the flowers out of her garden. My grandfather smoked a salmon and a ham. We had some food brought in but a friend served it for us. It was a buffet / sit down brunch style. No alcohol...I mean, really...for us Sparkling Cider works just fine.

    The cake was from a local grocery store and was delicious! And beautiful.

    My dress was only $500 from David's Bridal and, if I do say so myself, stunning.

    The most expensive thing was the photographs and I don't regret spending a lot on those at all.

    Do yourself, and your parents, a favor and talk to them. Explain what YOU want and how much you appreciate their help. I can't imagine them not wanting to make you happy, but maybe right now they think that the huge blowout is what will make you happy.

    I wouldn't elope. It's so much more special with family and friends. Ask your parents to help you with a down payment on a home. Getting married is all about building a life together. Is it really worth $30k for that first day?
     
  12. I say elope and then have a big massive party afterward. I got married in City hall way back in 1981. We were planning a very small wedding (my family isnt big) and it was fine until my mother in law started getting involved and inviting hundreds of people from Italy at MY expense! I got so fed up I picked a date and told Jon to be there or not be there.

    I have NO regrets. I paid the $25.00 fee to the clerk, the mayor married us and then we had a great dinner with my family. His family was okay with it when we told them afterwards.

    We divorced 3 years later and it took him 3 years just to pay both of our attorneys fees! ha. yep, no regrets for me.

    I would rather have all that money go into a down payment on a house. When my daughter gets married someday I am hoping she'll opt for a very small wedding or eloping.
     
  13. My hubby and I eloped and it was wonderful, just the two of us. We've been married over 7 years and I've never regretted not having a big wedding. I would definately take the money for a down pymt. on house. A small intimate beach wedding sounds lovely, my best friends did that, no regrets for them either.
     
  14. I had a nice wedding, not too big but my parents planned it all. They asked for my input on what I wanted and then at the last minute they would said "oh, we couldn't do pink tablecloths because they did not have enough-so they used gold which was Mom's favorite color". I felt like I had no say in my wedding. I was allowed to invite very limited friends and the rest were people my parents knew and relatives and it was more of a party for them. I know that they thought they were doing a perfect wedding but looking back I would have been just as happy to eloping. I would at least have had some say in the whole thing. All in all I felt it wasn't my day, there were too many strangers there, people I would never see nor want to see again so it was not a personal thing. My friend had a beautiful small wedding at a bed and breakfast and it was probably the nicest wedding I ever went to. So to me you can do what you want. Of course your parents might be bent out big time. Another friend had her parents offer to give her the wedding of her dreams $40,000. or a small dinner and the money put for a down payment on a house, she choose the wedding of her dreams.
     
  15. Maybe not eloping but toning down the ceremony. I just could not justify spending a lot of money on a wedding.

    I got married in 2002 at the Justice of Peace. We had everyone present that was important in our lives...our parents, siblings, a few other relatives and friends. Anyone else would have just been excess. We took pictures and also video taped it. We were in Maryland at the time and the outside of their Justice of the Peace is just beautiful. It's as pretty as any wedding site. There was a duck pond, 3 bridges, a gazebo, plenty of land and much more.

    After the ceremony and pics my husband and I left to have a 5 day stay in the mountains of Virginia. When we came back we had a large reception/party.

    I don't regret not have a traditional wedding at all. More money in the bank instead of on flowers and on people I haven't seen in years!