Opinion...Are we gettting too old...or not??

  1. Im asking only becuase Im curious about what thoughts you all have of all ages. Im 38 ..a few months from 39. My husband is 34. He is READY for children. I love kids and would love a family with him, we have talked about it for ages. I have always said, let me lose 10 pounds, OR get fit...Im not a obese person, however, I have always been 10-15 lbs over weight and the idea of getting pregnant scares the *hit out of me. SO, I think Im selfish in my thinking, and perhaps we should not have a family...He told me last night that if we do not get pregnant in the next few months then it is not meant to be as he does not want to be an old father. (he will be 35 in a few days.) I want so much to make him happy and for us to have a family. HOWEVER, I think we could adopt and I would be complete.Other days I think I need and want for us to have a child of our own BUT Im so afraid of gaining weight and not loosing the weight. I also wonder what will happen to us if we do not have children of our own. Im having a HUGE internal struggle. We are in a WONDERFUL position to adopt, and I would do it in a minute. DH wants his own jeans...so we agree to disagree...and time keeps ticking. Maybe i should just get pregnant in the next few months...although it scares the *hit out of me, Im almost 40!!! I really wanted to vent and also hear what thoughts you all might give to my random words....TALK TO ME!!
  2. Aww Jamie, reproduction can be a difficult decision, hon. Honestly, I never wanted kids until I fell for my hubby. Suddenly, I thought that he would make such an amazing father that I had to have his children.

    I think if the issue is just the fact that your worried about weight gain there are steps you can take to keep that in check. You're in a position to hire a nutritionist and trainer and maybe even order all your pre-cooked meals from somewhere. Not to mention that not everyone gains weight due to pregnancy. I always figured I'd be big as a house when I got pregnant, particularly w/ twins, but I was violently ill the entire time and only gained 25 lbs. all of which came right off w/in 10 days of giving birth. Many people actually lose weight after having kids b/c of all the work involved and if you breast feed that also takes the weight off from what I've heard. The other thing I know is that you are a very determined person. I don't know many people who would stick w/ the kind of boot camp weight loss program you went through.

    As for age, your only as old as you allow your mind to think. My husband was 38 when we had kids and I was 31 and we had twins. You rise to the occasion, babe. I never had any experience w/ kids at all...even hated babysitting LOL! I'm a pretty good mom and whenever I f*ck up (which we all do) my hubby's there to catch me and help me through it.

    You would be such a wonderful mom, but you have to do what feels right to you. Don't do anything just to please someone else. Hugs and lotsa love!!
  3. Thanks Shu...I love you woman!!!

    Selena just let me know that I missed spelled GENES...jeans...and neither one of us are mods in this area so we can not correct it. Oh well.
  4. A little misspell is no biggy...now go get yourself knocked up!
  5. I don't think that you are too old... But is that the issue here or is it the fear of weight gain? Question: If you were your "ideal" weight right now, would you go ahead and have a baby? Do you think, perhaps that you may be using the weight-gain fear as an excuse not to get pregnant because hon, you don't need an excuse. If you're not ready, for whatever reason, you're not ready. I understand your husband wanting his "own" genes but have you discussed the risks of being pregnant (at say, 40) with him? I realise that you don't have the luxury of many, many years to mull this over (reproductively speaking) but if you are having such a huge internal struggle, you may need to give yourself some more time. I'm sorry, I probably haven't been much help...but I wish you well.

    Just want to say: I had my last baby at 42, I was back to my pre-baby weight 3 weeks later...but I have been lucky with my 3 pregnancies, I seemed to only gain baby weight not excess weight.
  6. you would be fine sweetie :smile:

    not everyone gained alot of weight during pregnancy, i know women who have gained 10 lbs only. as long as you eat healthy and exercise regularly which is recommended throughout pregnancy unless complications, you would be fine.

  7. Great questions...I really am ready mentally to have a family. The only thing setting me back is totally selfish reasons. Childbirth scares the hell out me. AND being pregnant. Then I think, good lord, women have done it for YEARS, what makes me any different. Again...Im rambling off random thoughts.
  8. What an exciting time for you Sunshine!

    Making the decision is hard...we have a 5 yr old son, and both agreed we'd only have one child. I am now 33, and we started talking about the possibility of another. I know what you mean about the weight - I went from a 14 to a 4 before getting pg with my son. Afterwards I was right back where I was - I ate poorly during my pregnanncy and did not excersize - took me 3 yrs to get back to my ideal weight. I hate to gain it all back, but now I know what I did wrong last time. I am working out and eating great, so when I get pg, I will already have the good habits to get thru pregnancy without ballooning up again. You definitely are not too old, a good friend of mine is 39 with a gorgeous baby, and trying for number two.

    I think you are in a pefect position to start baby dancing, and join the TTC thread with us!!!
  9. I agree with the others, you are not too old! With pregnancy everyone is different, pre-baby I was pretty small. During my pregnancy I gained over 40 pounds. But everyones body is different, my mom only gained about 20 pounds when she was preggo with me.

    I am almost 3 months pp and I have already lost a little more than half of the weight. I have about 15 pounds left to lose. The weight is slowly coming off through breast feeding. The average woman loses about 500 calories per day while breast feeding.
  10. I'm 36 and not really concerned about the weight gain-because I got into fantastic shape the year before I got pregnant this time. I know that if I do things right it will come off. I was really concerned at first, when I found out I was pregnant, but I actually have gained less with this baby than I did with the one I had at 25. And there are more people who don't gain weight than do, at least on the babycenter forum I post on. Most women are in their 30th week or higher, and some even weigh ten pounds less than they did before!

  11. It is very natural to be scared, no matter how ready you are. I feel safe in saying that, especially with the first pregnancy, every woman has had the very same fears that you are having right now. (I know with my first pregnancy I would be lying in bed in the middle of the night, barely about to breathe with worry and fear). I don't think that you are being selfish, I think perhaps you're letting your thoughts run away with you a bit. If you are worried about your weight after your baby is born, you can do something about it. If you are worried about being healthy while you're pregnant and having a healthy baby/safe delivery, get the best specialist care possible. There is nothing that you are worrying about that cannot be "fixed". Oh, and if/when you decide to become a mama...the blessings are unimaginable. Good luck.
  12. I didn't have an extra minute to read the previous responses, sorry if I repeat or seem too far off base. . . .
    no, I don't think that's too old personally.
    I DO know what you mean about wanting the lose the last so many pounds first, but don't let a dozen pounds stand in the way of what will change your life and what love is to you forever.
    Not everyone gains a lot of weight w/ pregnancy, I didn't and I was POSITIVE I would!
    If you honestly watch what you eat and don't overindulge because you can {the "hey, I'm eating for 2!" line} then you likely will not gain too much.
    You could even gain slightly less than the recommended amount if your body is truly heavier than ideal.
    Look at the BIG picture J, not the few pounds that burden you know, look at when you're 50, 60, 70 yrs old and are enjoying the payoff of having a child{ren}.
    Obviously, this is IF you see them in your future.

    Adoption is also a fantastic option, but I wouldn't do it solely based on a little extra weight, the experience of pregnancy is phenomonal!!!

    Most of us are apprehensive or afraid of pregnancy, the weight and chilbirth, I FOR SURE was.
    Trust me, if you choose to do it, when you look back you'll laugh about this as the experience of it all is SO profound.

    You're so unbelieavbly warm and empathetic, I actually forget you're not already mothering a little one already.
  13. Hi Sunshine,

    I had my first at 33 and my second last month at 35. With baby #1 I gained 38 pounds. Just when I was ready to try and lose the weight when baby was 10 months old (I had lost about 20 pounds by then) I found myself pregnant again. With baby #2 I got gestational diabetes and only gained 9 pounds. Since giving birth 6 weeks ago I lost 20 pounds (am breastfeeding and running around crazy trying to keep up with the kids). That being said, the weight will come off without too much work, so don't let that be a factor.

    As for age, I won't kid you, I had complications with my last pregnancy probably due to my age, but that is also do-able. Modern medicine is great and becauise of advanced age I find the doctors and resources to be more accessible. While I had some physical issues I know that mentally being older was a plus in the pregnancy. I've already accomplished pretty much everything I wanted to do, had saved a lot of sick leave and vacation time, and didn't at all have regrets about missing out on partying, drinking, etc. I was ready to focus on my, my husband, impending motherhood, the baby, my body and commit myself to the pregnancy whereas I wouldn't have been able to do so earlier when things like my job, education, and relationships had me running ragged.

    More and more these days women are having children later, as a matter of fact, all of my children's playmates' mothers are in their mid 30's and my very dear friend just had her 2nd at 40 (her husband is 37). It isn't rare to be 35 and pregnant for the first time like it was maybe even a decade ago.

    So, if it is something that you want to do, go for it! You won't regret it, motherhood has changed my life. I didn't know what unconditional love was until I had my daughter. There are days when I want to quit and runaway from it all but it is trully fulfilling to be a mommy...and I am sure being a mommy to an adopted child would be equally rewarding.

    I wish you and your husband all the best!
  14. Thank you so much for taking the time to respond to my fears. Its been very comforting to read all fo your thoughts. This morning as I was putting on makeup I was thinking...hmm...how lonely it would be to be in our golden years and not have children, and grand children. I think Im going to really try around Xmas and for the next few months really focus on getting the extra few pounds off and bite the bullet. ITs time. I do not want to wake up one day and see that I missed out on something so special. I really do appreciate all the responses. xx
  15. ^that's exactly what I said to DH to convince him NOT to be a DINK.
    I said:
    "who's getting all this money you're so ambitious to earn?
    You REALLY want to have no children to mentor or guide as you age, you don't care to leave your own 'legacy?'
    What are we going to do when we're 50, 60, 70+ years and our parent's are likely gone and possibly our siblilings too? Who's company are you going to enjoy?"

    the rest is history:biggrin: