One Step Forward, Two Steps Back

#78
MORGANNG said:
It is very normal for your SO to have such OBJECTIVE feelings to spending 5K on a bag...
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this isn't my experience, so i would say it is not normal for someone who loves you to not want you to have what you want and can buy - as long as it does not involve irresponsible spending. to project values that are unshared on a partner, or to judge the values held by a partner is rejection and judgement - 2 things i don't want in my partner.
kou whenever you come back to this thread, please really take a moment to consider that.
 
#79
Kou, does *he* have anything he likes to spend money on? ( of course, the answer should be YOU....) but, what I mean is, does he buy cars....boats. motorcycles, clothes.....ANYTHING??

A comment, too, on a post our Lovely Neeya made....about Hermes being a hobby? To me, it's more than that....it's part of my life like my home is part of my life. I deserve Hermes just like I deserve anything else in life that's beautiful.
 
#80
ah, you said it well isus. that's what i meant. it's a value, not a hobby. having the best of something, owning something exquisite, that is a value. wanting your SO to have the best of something is nice, but more importantly, respecting her value to pursue and have the best, or whatever her heart desires, that is important to me.
 
#81
also, isus, as i recall, kou's SO has certain values, more than hobbies. he values spending money on certain things, but not others, and, as we are all very aware, he judges her values.
i guess i won't post further since this was kou's thread and if she's not here, what's the point.:flowers:
 
#82
I hate to think people might find my SO to be a jerk, just because he's called me insane on a number of occasions for buying Hermes. I suppose he "judges" what I value, but hell I "judge" what he values, lol. We all have different interests, I don't see how it makes for a bad relationship if you get giggles out of what the other person enjoys doing, so long as they don't try to stop you from doing what you want. Everyone judges, it's a natural thing to do; it shouldn't effect you unless the the person judging takes action to seriously stop you. As a kind person once said, it's all about compromise when it comes to relationships :P And also.......nothing has changed the fact that it is still an $8,000+ bag....glorious and beautiful as it is...still hard to comprehend for some people :idea: SO supports my habit, will buy me Hermes and such, but he still thinks that it is ridiculous beyond belief. Just because he thinks it's ridiculous, doesn't mean that he is treating me any less than like a princess.

This molehill sure is getting mountain-ish :biggrin:

And Isus: Hermes is obviously more than a hobby for most of us, but still, the big picture...still pretty hard for most people to grasp, lol. Gotta keep perspective, and remember how other people tend to view the purchase of such an expensive item. Hermes bags are beautiful and timeless and we love them nonetheless, but still, it's an expensive thing to collect. Sure we deserve it, but that doesn't make it any less of a mind-blowing idea to many people.
 
#85
Neeya said:
...it's all about compromise when it comes to relationships :P
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I agree.

I know my DH feels that Hermes bags & items are insanely expensive, but he could see how passionate I am about them & he embraces that as part of who I am.

I've been married (to the same man) for 8 years and what I've learned (so far) is that a strong, caring & supportive relationship takes effort. When you love your SO/DH, you:
  • Trust him :yes:
  • Let him indulge in his passion :heart: :heart: :heart:
  • Don't sweat over the small stuff :girlsigh:
 
#86
I realised I had missed quite a large part of what went on earlier in this thread and can't quite help but feel somewhat bewildered!! Why the negativity??? I personally thought it was funny and I believe many of us feel that way too!
......... I don't know. I was so looking forward to our meet that's coming up and still am looking forward to it, very much indeed, and I'm not ready for this to spoil all the fun. I'm already thinking about what to wear, what to do to my hair..... And I'm not about to let any of these comments spoil my fun. Right Kou?
 
#87
HiHeels said:
this isn't my experience, so i would say it is not normal for someone who loves you to not want you to have what you want and can buy - as long as it does not involve irresponsible spending. to project values that are unshared on a partner, or to judge the values held by a partner is rejection and judgement - 2 things i don't want in my partner.
kou whenever you come back to this thread, please really take a moment to consider that.
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A-MEN. Please understand that deep down, it's NOT about Hermes. It's not about the bags at all. My DH is sort of a PHH but he willingly indulges my H obsession and buys bags for me as gifts because he knows how much I treasure and love them. He understands H but still doesn't REALLY understand the whole handbag "thing." But he loves me and wants me to be happy.
 
#88
^^^^^^^^^^this is my situation too with DH!!!! although DH knows how nice hermes is, he still cannot get over the fact that it's $8k or more for the bags that i want. the way he thinks, he'd rather spend $8k ten times over on jewelry for me than buy me more bags. but he'll indulge me every once in awhile with H bc he knows how much it makes me happy. any other time, i indulge myself secretly!! hehehe
 
#89
tricia said:
I realised I had missed quite a large part of what went on earlier in this thread and can't quite help but feel somewhat bewildered!! Why the negativity??? I personally thought it was funny and I believe many of us feel that way too!
......... I don't know. I was so looking forward to our meet that's coming up and still am looking forward to it, very much indeed, and I'm not ready for this to spoil all the fun. I'm already thinking about what to wear, what to do to my hair..... And I'm not about to let any of these comments spoil my fun. Right Kou?
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I thought it was funny too :biggrin: I didn't see a speck of insult, but hey that's just me :P
 
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