OMG I'm in a little trouble with BF - haha.

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#46
Winternight.. I think that you can do what you want. I mean right now the relationship feels unstable... your BF is going to break up w/ up out of the blue :WTF: WTF is that? I think that you are allowed to have friends of the opposite sex while in a relationship as long as they respect the relationship you're in. I think your BF is pissed, of course, and sometimes you gotta shake things up to get a response. If you have a friendship w/ your ex, then your BF shouldn't be pissed.. Hey whatever you would do for your female friend, you should do for your male friends, i.e. crashing at your place for a night.

Plus it's the whole lack of consideration thing... you felt inconsidered when he wanted to break up w/ you out of the blue and you are mirroring how you felt. *hugs* girl, almost breakups are never easy... especially if they're out of the blue.


Off topic.... if you want to marry this guy and he has doubts because of some fundamental beliefs such as religion, then hey, it's like he's an idiot for accepting the differences in the beginning, but not accepting it now... but regardless you need to make a decision for yourself if you can deal w/ the flakiness... because peace of mind trumps all in my opinion.

good luck w/ everything !!! :flowers:
 
#47
winternight said:
Ouch, you ladies are harsh.

Thanks MandM.

Ok ladies, the deal is that my boyfriend almost broke up with me a couple of weeks and ago - out of the blue - and had been talking about marriage for months before that. And we've never talked about breaking up before. I don't want to get into the details of why other than let's just say it has to do with religion - and clearly he knew about that when we started dating over two years ago. So maybe I am trying to get a rise out of him, but frankly I don't know if he's not going to just break up at any moment.

So I did think it was funny when my ex asked to stay over and I'm friends with some of my exes, including this one. I even offered to have the BF over, in case he was worried.

Anyways, its stupid but now my feelings are hurt by the resposes. Oh well.
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When you make a post on a public board asking for opinions, you have to be prepared for the fact that that is exactly what you will get and that not everyone will see things the same way you do.

Does it mean anything to you that pretty much everyone had the SAME opinion?

It seems from your response here that there is a good possibility that the main motivation for letting the ex sleep on the couch was to throw it in your BF's face and get a reaction out of him. It seems to be there is manipulation going on here and that you're not thinking about what would help the relationship, but are rather looking to perhaps punish your boyfriend.

The responses posted were from the point of view of what would be best for the relationship.

It sounds like you two have a lot to work out if you want to stay together.
 
#49
Leah411 said:
When you make a post on a public board asking for opinions, you have to be prepared for the fact that that is exactly what you will get and that not everyone will see things the same way you do.

Does it mean anything to you that pretty much everyone had the SAME opinion?

It seems from your response here that there is a good possibility that the main motivation for letting the ex sleep on the couch was to throw it in your BF's face and get a reaction out of him. It seems to be there is manipulation going on here and that you're not thinking about what would help the relationship, but are rather looking to perhaps punish your boyfriend.

The responses posted were from the point of view of what would be best for the relationship.

It sounds like you two have a lot to work out if you want to stay together.
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Ditto all that. Does this one incident translate to your general attitude and actions in the rest of your relationship? If so, best of luck getting that ring.
 
#50
Let's be nice ladies.. we don't know the specifics of the situation and I know she did post on a public forum for opinions, but that's still no reason to be mean or even outright harsh when giving opinions :smile:
 
#51
My feelings would be hurt by all the responses too.

But I think the reason why they were all so outspoken and outraged is because almost every one of the ladies imagined it happening TO THEM -- that their boyfriend had an ex sleep over -- so they all reacted w/ strong emotion.

Tho I guess I learned a lesson for if I ever get another SO -- don't have ex's sleep over, it's a very bad idea! Everyone has definitely gotten that message through loud and clear, lol:smile:
 
#52
IntlSet said:
Ditto all that. Does this one incident translate to your general attitude and actions in the rest of your relationship? If so, best of luck getting that ring.
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You and I had a previous dispute about a handbag that you sold me - a dispute which both Amex and Paypal sided with me on. So I don't post on your posts about how you're in trouble with your school for shoplifting, you could do me the same courtesy.
 
#53
I'm not going to engage with you in this topic because it's a well known fact among moderators and many forum members that I OFFERED you a refund immediately, which you refused to take before filing a chargeback and sending me back a bag you damaged deliberately in order to get the chargeback to go through.

Best wishes, winternight, I'm glad our transactions with each other are through. However, if you're going to post on a public forum in which I am a member, I will probably respond. I apologize in my opinions are not to your liking. You are welcome to post whatever you like in my threads as well.
 
#54
Actually you sold me a dirty, used bag as "new and unused." Amex told me not to send you the bag until the dispute process was settled with them. After lying about the condition of the bag, you can hardly think I'd trust you to refund me the money.

And FYI there is a reason your school came down so hard on you and felt like you needed to be taught a lesson.
 
#55
Winternight-- I don't think any of us wanted to hurt your feelings with our posts-- just wanted to offer our advice for your relationship. I think we could all see what road you were headed down with the 'make my bf jealous' thing. I would like to think if I asked for opinions and I were wrong in my thinking that the ladies here would set me straight...
 
#56
Winternight, I apologize if my previous responses had been harsh in any way. I'm definitely not a relationship advisor but after reading more on what is going on between you and your bf, I can understand why you felt hurt. I went through something similar with my SO multiple times in the past, and yes it's very hurtful. I think you and your bf needs to really sit down and talk about this. There's definitely bigger issues here. I don't think religion is the only reason. Something must've happened that made him to drop a bomb on you this way. Now I know that your bf is probably still pissed off, however, I think it may give you an opportunity to open up a dialogue. Now this is what my psych professor told me: the thing with mindgames, especially when you use that on a guy, is that they MAY not "get it" because they're not wired the same way. Therefore, in this case he probably just think you're being straight out mean to him and he's probably confused as to why you're doing it. You really should try to sit down and talk this over. From my experience with my SO, it's better if I am the one who said "We need to talk", because when the guy (in my SO's case anyway) said that he needs to talk to you, something is up. Open up the dialogue first, you guys need to clear the air about these issues.
 
#58
Winternight, I think you need to look at the situation logically. If you want an engagement ring from this bf, is pissing him off really the best way to go about obtaining that ring? No one would want to reward the person causing them pain. I can understand the need to get a rise out of a bf, but I think it's a very dangerous road to go down if you're inviting an ex to sleep at your place.

I think you guys should sit down & hash this out. Bringing in exes & even the hint of cheating is only going to lead to trouble.
 
#59
jillybean307 said:
Winternight, I think you need to look at the situation logically. If you want an engagement ring from this bf, is pissing him off really the best way to go about obtaining that ring? No one would want to reward the person causing them pain. I can understand the need to get a rise out of a bf, but I think it's a very dangerous road to go down if you're inviting an ex to sleep at your place.

I think you guys should sit down & hash this out. Bringing in exes & even the hint of cheating is only going to lead to trouble.
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I was just gonna say the same thing. Have you thought that this could've been the last straw for your BF and it's over?
 
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