OMG I'm in a little trouble with BF - haha.

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#31
vickitoria said:
Aww, this probably wasnt the response you were looking for when you posted this, right? :upsidedown:
I've never been in this situation, but I know I'd try to avoid it. Even though we can all argue the fact that "well, if my boyfriend really trusts me, he wouldnt get mad," I know that *I'd* pissed if my boyfriend's ex girlfriend slept over at his place.
And I'd be even madder if he found humor in my jealously!
So I couldnt really expect my bf to react differently than I would.
Just consider his feelings. :flowers:
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Words of wiisdom.
I'm thinking you might want to rearrange this "arrangement", it is always best to look at things from both sides. I would be extremely angry & hurt if someone did this to me.
 
#32
This thread looks like everyone is against you, but remember it is opinions that you asked for.

That being said- from ym perspective, that sounds very unhealthy. It sounds to me like you are screaming out for attention- maybe there is a deeper issue here. You are upset you don't have a ring, you want him to be jealous over you, but all those things you say simply tells me that you are completely begging for attention- and TRUST me, this is the wrong attention.

If you really think about it, nothing about that is funny. Not one thing at all. It is actually sad and scary that you do think it is funny. I would be LIVID if Vlad wanted an ex to stay at his place- ask him..

Maybe you are having some other feelings you aren't saying.. but this is kinda sad
 
#33
I guess I'm thinking that maybe we should give poor winternight a break here...considering that we really don't have all the details (how close and committed she is to current bf, how he generally treats her and her feelings, whether or not the ex has a SO, etc.)

The fact that she's laughing about it might mean that it really isn't THAT big of a deal to her bf -- i.e., he's a bit annoyed, but not suicidally depressed and horrified. Maybe they actually understand each other better than we think...or maybe the bf is a jerk sometimes and she's trying to make a point. It does sound like it might not be an ideal relationship at this time.

Anyway, just trying to point out that in some situtions -- especially extremely serious, committed relationships -- this behavior would seem utterly thoughtless...but in a youthful, new, casual, or rather troubled relationship, it might not be quite as hurtful and "mean" as we are portraying it to be.

P.S. I've actually been in relationships where the guys stayed in touch with their ex's, did favors for them, etc. Basically, if MY relationship to the parituclar BF was solid and good, then I had NO problem with them spending time with ex's -- I knew the whole deal, understood that I was the main girl in his life, not the ex and totally trusted them. But if I was on shakey ground with the bf, then I felt deeply hurt and concerned that he was planning to leave me for the ex (and usually, I was right!)
 
#36
Megs said:
If you really think about it, nothing about that is funny. Not one thing at all. It is actually sad and scary that you do think it is funny. I would be LIVID if Vlad wanted an ex to stay at his place- ask him..
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:yes: :yes: :yes:
 
#37
I agree with everyone else, I would be outraged if my SO allowed an ex to stay the night then thought my being jealous was funny. I would never try to purposely make him jealous either, I've had that done to me in the past with past BFs and mind games are a huge no-no with me. Mind games arent for people you truly care for, when you love someone you just dont treat them bad.
 
#38
If a bf of mine wanted to let one of his exs stay over at his place for the night i'd have to say "over my dead body" :lol: so i guess i wouldn't want to do it to him either. The whole scenario is just way too weird.
 
#40
should her new boyfriend not trust her 100%, or am I being too naive
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I don't think this has anything to do with trust, one way or the other, it has to do with respecting her bf & respecting their relationship.

I am completely with the others on this, its a really wrong thing to do. Why??? would you want an ex to stay on your sofa? I don't want mine to stay on my planet.

I love & trust my husband a thousand percent, I know he would never, ever consider cheating on me & least of all with his ex. However, I would leave him in a heartbeat if he said agreed to let that psychotic loon stay over. Its nothing to do with him possibly sleeping with her, its nor that this is now my territory & she can go to hell! I wouldn't want to give her any sort of a one up on me (that she was allowed to stay) & I wouldn't want any come backs on it later on.

I think its wrong, but hey, its also probably the quickest way, short of sleeping with someone yourself, out of a relationship, is that maybe underneath what you are looking for? I don't know, but I completely agree with whoever it was that said you seem to be screaming out for attention.
Please, think about your bf, kick the ex out!
 
#41
I really don't think this has anything to do with trust at all and EVERYTHING to do with respect for the boyfriend.

If you love and respect someone then you don't do things that you KNOW will hurt them and upset them (within reason) that could easily be avoided. There really is NO REAL NEED for the ex to be sleeping on the couch.

Saying "I think it's fun" in reference to his jealousy/feelings leads me to believe that you're not ready for a mature, committed relationship.

Not trying to be harsh....just being honest.

Good luck!!
 
#42
hey Winternight...
i hope that you don't feel like we are against you, we aren't. We are just voicing our opinion. But like MandM said, may be we don't know all the details. So may be there are other things in the relationship that may lead you to feeling this way: thinking it's funny and a little jealousy is good....etc...
Anyhow, just wanna wish you luck.
btw, i wouldn't let an X crash on my couch regardless i have a bf or not... so having a bf is an added factor for a big NO NO NO :yes:
 
#43
Ouch, you ladies are harsh.

Thanks MandM.

Ok ladies, the deal is that my boyfriend almost broke up with me a couple of weeks and ago - out of the blue - and had been talking about marriage for months before that. And we've never talked about breaking up before. I don't want to get into the details of why other than let's just say it has to do with religion - and clearly he knew about that when we started dating over two years ago. So maybe I am trying to get a rise out of him, but frankly I don't know if he's not going to just break up at any moment.

So I did think it was funny when my ex asked to stay over and I'm friends with some of my exes, including this one. I even offered to have the BF over, in case he was worried.

Anyways, its stupid but now my feelings are hurt by the resposes. Oh well.
 
#44
i'm so sorry your boyfriend is being so flakey and i can imagine how sensitive you must be about the entire relationship topic so the responses must have felt overwhelming...i do think people were just trying to help even if they didn't seem as supportive as you would have liked...and you must be pretty pissed at the boyfriend so seeing him upset might have felt like a little revenge for hurting you so much...it sounds like you definitely have some issues to work out and i hope whatever happens you end up happy with the outcome!
 
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