Not out of my selfish stage...

  1. So I am 31 and child free at the moment. We have been married 5 years and were on the 5 year plan...meaning we would try after 5 years. Thats been exteneded about a year or 2. Well I have begun to see my friends have kids. And I want to know how it really is without getting the "Life is fabulous" all the time. I want to get a few more things before we have kids...like a dining set...why would I spend $5k after I have kids on something like that. And increase my purse collection a tad because I KNOW after I have a child that will probably come to an immediate hault. I guess maybe overall I'm still not ready.
     
  2. you'll know when the time is right.
    I think! LOL!

    A lot of people choose to really prepare or settle down a bit prior to conceiving. I think it's smart:yes:
    But as a Mama of 3, your purses buying doesn't have to halt. It may need to slow but it doesn't have to halt!
    You'll prefer it to slow anyhow, once you see how cute the baby looks in new clothes all the time! LOL!
     
  3. Then don't have a child. It doesn't seem like you want one. Just because you orig. planned to have one at this time doesn't mean you actually have to go through with it. Get the dining set. hehee.
     
  4. Well we both want them just not yet. I guess I jus tdon't wear the rose colored glasses and know the reality.
     
  5. yeah, reality is VERY different from what some people paint the picture to be:yes:
    But then again, some people expect their lives to change more than it has to.
     
  6. Reality? What is that to you? I pictured it as hard, and oh it is, but oh so lovely and rewarding. More the latter. I'm loving my tinted glasses. :nuts: But maybe I'm just seeing clearly. :heart:

    From your posts in the other thread, it doesn't seem like you really desire a child at all. Are you sure it's not just your husband?
     
  7. Nope both want them...eventually.
     
  8. I get it.
    I actually think a lot of people are this way.

    It's hard to know how rewarding motherhood is until you feel that kick in your tummy.
    But I hear a lot of people say they aren't ready and that they have a few things left on their list of wanting to accomplish before conceiving.

    The first few months can be very difficult, emotions, hormones, overwhelming, etc. . .
    But we resumed our prior life pretty quickly when my 1st was about 3-4 months old.
     
  9. I actually think that I'm pretty selfish as well. My family would always joke about how self-centered I was. I'm probably still a little more self-interested than the general population. However, when I became a mom, it was amazing that as I was getting to know this little person, I was getting to know a new side of MYSELF, a selfless side.

    My relationship with my son requires me to be less self-centered, but personally fulfills me in a way my self-interest does not.

    Hope that makes sense.
     
  10. I don't think going to call myself selfish, but I'm getting married in about 3 months and we're already having the "so when are you going to have kids" questions. My answer for years has been when I'm ready. I want to have my life established to a certain extent. Although I know that no matter how prepared you are, a child throws you for a curve.

    Also my perspective comes from my parents. My parents were married for 8 years before they had me. They decided after about 5 to start trying and it took 3 years to get me. But I've talked to both of them and they tell me how much the enjoyed their time alone.

    Yes, yes, I know this might sound bad coming from your parents :p, but I think it's a good thing. They got to know each other as a couple and got to take care of wants and needs that they had before they got thrown for a curve.

    And I want to do the same thing. This may sound selfish, but right now I'm so in love with my future husband that I don't want to share him, nor do I want to have to share myself with anyone but him. I want us to spend time together and get to know each other more before we have kids.

    So I completely understand where you're coming from. Just don't let anyone presure you into and you'll know when you're ready.
     
  11. This is absolutely true!! I've stopped spending money on things like bags & accessories (or haven't been buying them as often) and now I'm totaly on a baby clothes kick. Julia has so many clothes, it's insane. Is it bad that the Gymboree website is my homepage? :shame:
     
  12. ^^:yes: Gymboree, Ralph Lauren, Hanna, Carters, The Children's Place, Disney. After having kids I totally slowed down on shopping for purses and clothes for myself. I got so into finding cute little outfits for them and dressing them up. It is so much fun.
     
  13. A baby will def. change your life so you should be ready to make the sacrifices and put the baby first. That being said I've bought more bags since having my daughter than any other time in my life...however, I no longer get my hair highlighted, my nails done, go out, watch movies in the theater or have much time to myself. I guess I just can't give the bags/shopping up...the internet helps (?). Nothing is wrong with taking the time to have to yourself and your hubby. I had my daughter later (age 33) and by that time I had already traveled around the world, completed my Master's, got the job that I (thought) I wanted, and partied hard. I was def. ready for the change. I don't miss my old life...just the sleep and sometimes the quiet. I love being a mom but it is a full time and exhausting job, rewarding, but physically demanding.
     
  14. to be honest I do not see why I have to stop my life and wants altogether now that I have a child. sure he comes first but my mother always bought nice things, until money was too tight. and by then she had acquired nice stuff, and now has been catching up (a burberry, chanel suit, chanel shoes, a kelly, the list is endless it seems....and don't we all understand ;).

    for me this is natural and that is why like you I have got my own little stack ;) so I don't feel sorry for myself... haha. if this is a matter of another year - why not. just be aware IMO that at some point there is always another thing you could do or get before.... and don't think it has all got to stop once the baby is there. (as for dining set...my mum bought plenty after she had us and I don't even have one yet.... LOL)
     
  15. Having kids never slowed down my spending! Now I have 2 more people to have an excuse to shop for and I actually like shopping for them more! Everything looks so darn cute on them.