need to vent, so upset =(

H

heavunlydevil

O.G.
Feb 15, 2006
281
0
#1
:crybaby: :crybaby: :crybaby: :crybaby: :crybaby: :crybaby:

hey guys, sorry this is long

sorry i just need to vent, im so upset i just started bawling at work, and usually im so self contained and happy, its just wierd...

the reason im upset is actually a reallllly long story but basically im in love w/ this guy and im pretty sure he loves me but we cant be together for reasons beyond our control. last night i realized that it wont ever happen for us, regardless of how much either of us wants it. and on top of everything, im his best friend. so last night i told him i cant talk to him anymore, and cant be a part of his life. and im just sooo upset cuz i feel so torn b/w swallowing my feelings and being there for him versus pretending that we dont exist to each other. i just cant ever imagine moving on if i stay friends w/ him because i compare everyone i meet to him. i truly think hes my soulmate and if i cant be w/ him i dunno if i should torture myself be being in his life.

then on top of that i feel bad cuz i told him id always be there for him and now he really needs me cuz hes going thru alotta personal issues, but it hurts me so much to be there with him yet not be able to be w/ him. the last thing he said to me was "leave me alone and let me be miserable, dont call me dont text me etc" cuz he was pissed that im so back and forth on this issue


aggh!! thanks for letting me vent
 
#2
whoa! Why cant you be with him (if you dont me asking....)

It sounds like a horrible situation and I am really sorry you are going through this! ***super hugs***
 
#4
This happened between my friend Larry (who is quite a bit older, he could be my father!!! :shame: But love sees no age!) and I. We had known eachother for ages and had actually grown very close. We were both in very serious relationships at the time - I was getting ready to move to Germany for my man (that I just recently broke up with...) and he was just getting ready to move to Romania to be with his woman (who he recently just broke up with, lol). Basically - the both of us were in two entirely different places in life, but we still loved (still do!) eachother very much, that we'll always be great friends and we'll always have someone who is there in the "down time".

I couldn't imagine letting Larry go. I care entirely too much about him, and he has been such a great part of my life for the past few years. Try and take some time off and see if your feelings change. Who knows, maybe you two will get together some day? :flowers:
 
#5
hmmm the reason i cant be w/ him is cuz he has some issues and commitments that he cant leave (sorry, i know im being vague but its alot of his personal stuff that i feel bad talking about)

but at the root of the issue is that we cant be together for atleast a year or 2..but even then, he hasnt said to me "yes i wanna be w/ u" ..i asked him last night if he thinks if we'll ever be together and hes like well maybe we're better off like this cuz if we're together permanently i think we'll fight a lot cuz theres this and this wrong w/ u and he started naming all my bad qualities.

but i know deep down inside he loves me and wants to be w /me and he's stuck in this horrible situation where he cant be w/ me and its hard for him to deal w/ it.
 
#6
Honey are you sure that he does love you? He hasn't said that he wants to be with you and has basically said he doesn't want to take your relationship further - and goes on to say there'd be too much fighting if you were together.

Seriously, also a guy who starts pointing out all your bad qualities seems a bit insensitive to me.

It's tough Hun, but I think you should forget about him for the moment. Maybe he will want to be with you sometime in the future, but now's not the time. Concentrate on yourself, if it's meant to be it will be.
 
#7
I'm sorry you're going through this but you're going to have to move on. It's not healthy for you to fixate on him.

You asked him directly if he wanted to be with you at a later time and he evaded the question, which makes me question whether he actually wants to be with you.
You're there for him but is he there for you?

Guys who want to be with you move heaven and earth to do so, it doesn't matter what's going on in their life. He'd try and solve his issues/committments ASAP.
Then he goes on to show you all your bad points and say that you'd be fighting all the time? Well, relationships aren't bunnies and flowers all around. Everyone fights, even in the "best" relos.

To cut it short, he sounds like a tool and is jerking you around. Things may seem bleak right now but there are better guys out there.
 
#8
You have sooo done the right thing and as hard as it will be, take it one day at a time and don't fall for his guilt triggers and manipulation.

I believe that you are meeting his needs, but he is far from meeting yours.
 
#9
Cal said:
Honey are you sure that he does love you? He hasn't said that he wants to be with you and has basically said he doesn't want to take your relationship further - and goes on to say there'd be too much fighting if you were together.

Seriously, also a guy who starts pointing out all your bad qualities seems a bit insensitive to me.

It's tough Hun, but I think you should forget about him for the moment. Maybe he will want to be with you sometime in the future, but now's not the time. Concentrate on yourself, if it's meant to be it will be.
Click to expand...


I agree w/ Cal on this one.

There's a difference between being in love w/ someone and just having love for someone. I think being a friend includes respecting someone's feelings and just being there. So if you break out because he can't 'be in a relationship w/ you', it wasn't a real friendship.

Also Perja is totally right too.
Perja said:
Guys who want to be with you move heaven and earth to do so, it doesn't matter what's going on in their life. He'd try and solve his issues/committments ASAP.
Click to expand...

When you're in love, you do whatever it takes, no matter how inconvenient it is to work it out.


I do think you are doing the right thing though by not involving yourself w/ him friend or otherwise, because you gotta look out for you first. When you focus on yourself, everything seems to fall into place.

Good luck hon :flowers:
 
#10
((((hugs)))) I'm just glad that you have finally come to a decision for yourself. It's going to be hard to move on but if nothing's going to change, you might as well move on cause you have to think of yourself and your future.
 
#11
D & G rockstar said:
I agree w/ Cal on this one.

There's a difference between being in love w/ someone and just having love for someone. I think being a friend includes respecting someone's feelings and just being there. So if you break out because he can't 'be in a relationship w/ you', it wasn't a real friendship.

Also Perja is totally right too.


When you're in love, you do whatever it takes, no matter how inconvenient it is to work it out.


I do think you are doing the right thing though by not involving yourself w/ him friend or otherwise, because you gotta look out for you first. When you focus on yourself, everything seems to fall into place.

Good luck hon :flowers:
Click to expand...
Yup, so agree with you too girls.

there's one thing that I have always believed in a relationship before I got married.
"If things are just too difficult for ME, its not for me."

Hon, I'm sorry you're in pain... HUGS!!!!...
life is too short to be unhappy,
and to carry someone else's baggage.
I hope you'll find the strenght to move on...
I know that there's someone out there,
who would move heaven and earth just to be with you and make your happiness his priority.
If it can happen to alot of us, it can happen for you too.:flowers:
 
#12
Hmmmm... you can't be with him for at least a year or two. He has committments that you don't want to discuss.

He's not married is he???????? If so, run far and run fast!!! (That's just my guess by what you're saying. If I'm wrong, I apologize, but the way you're vaguely talking about him makes me think that perhaps he's married.)

I'm sorry that you're going through this. But whatever you feel in your gut, follow that feeling. Your gut instinct is NEVER wrong.
 
#14
Sometimes the hardest thing to do is also the best thing to do in some situations. In your case, I'd keep a distance for a while so both of you have some space and time to think things through. To quote a cheesy quote from a movie 'if you love someone, let them go and if they come back to you, you are meant to be' or something like that. There is some truth to it. You know in your guts if he is right for you, so listen to your inner voice and give it some space and time.

I hope things will work out for you.
 
#15
I'm so sorry you are going through this. Take time out for just you and try not to stress about him. A relationship should not be so hard, it should not be bringing you down like this.
 
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